The Other Side of Grace 1

They say that time heals all wounds but I don’t always believe that. It has been my experience that time also allows wounds to fester and rot. Instead of finding peace one finds darkness and learns to hate slowly, evenly. Lord Vader was one of those men who hated in the dark. His anger was a slow burning acid that gnawed its way through his soul. He never forgot and as far as I knew, he never forgave but once in a while he relented, just a little.

My exile on Tatooine ended suddenly when Lord Vader contacted me via holo transmission and told me face to face I could return to Coruscant and resume my duties to him there. It was a short, one sided conversation with no explanations, no apologies and no chance for me to ask questions but after almost a year of being banished from his sight I welcomed his terse words despite the fact it meant I would, once again, have to leave my home and my family.

Saying my farewells to Tatooine was hard. The night before the return journey to Coruscant we had a big family gathering. It had been bitter sweet. For this first time in my life I really understood what it meant to have such a good family and I knew that this time the goodbyes would be heart wrenching. Uncle Vahlek had made that a little easier by asking if I would drop him off on Corellia which was directly on the way to Coruscant. It had meant I was not alone for most of the trip and I think that was mostly his intent. We spent most of the time talking and I was grateful for his company. Only for the last few hours of my journey was I alone.

Coruscant never changed. It was loud, cold and busy, a shining polished planet without a soul. It felt very strange to be back. I had gotten used to being home and I liked it there despite all the peculiar things that had happened this time around. Now it was back to all the noise, all the light, the single sun, weather controlled planet, palace intrigue and everything that I hated. Even my flat seemed unfriendly to me and part of me wished I had taken up my uncle’s offer of one of Kahvi’s kittens. At least the cleaning droids had done a decent job of keeping the place more or less dust free and clean but compared to the joy and the warmth of my family home in Mos Eisley this spacious, beautiful flat was unwelcoming and lonely. I unpacked my things and wandered about the place like a lost child. Then after I stopped feeling sorry for myself I did something I had not done in a very long time. I soaked for several hours in a bath tub full of hot bubble filled water. A luxury I had sorely missed on Tatooine.

I had missed Winter fete celebrations by eight weeks and I wasn’t complaining. Shiv had pounced on me two days after my return and regaled me with all the crazy gossip that I had missed. Some things just never changed and I had laughed at his descriptions of who was sneaking around with whom, about the fights that had broken out, as they did every year, and about the various promotions that had been awarded. Sitting in a quiet, expensive café in the fashion district listening to him spin tales about the life in the imperial court that I had missed, I remembered the good side of being back. Shiv had a gift for gossip and story telling and through his words I felt as though I was not only catching up but seeing it all through his eyes. In return I had shared stories about Tatooine and life at a docking bay, much to his shock and horror. He considered anything outside of the Core to be entirely too provincial and Tatooine was his worst nightmare. I just laughed. I loved my home even more so than before.

Work kept me busy and for that I was grateful. Lord Vader’s needs, to-do lists and schedule were more insane than ever, making him more demanding than usual. I didn’t mind that either, while I had kept on top of most things I still had a lot to catch up with and for the most part I liked my job. It was a challenge. My days were filled with conference calls, schedule adjustments, shouting matches and running around doing errands for the dark Lord. My evenings were spent working out, reading, studying Cheunh or hanging out with Shiv and the gang. Although Thrawn was still deployed in the Unknown Regions, his letters arrived fairly regularly, brightening my day completely. Sometimes I found it hard to believe that so much time had passed since we had last actually seen each other.

Two weeks after my return a bouquet of flowers consisting of rare Nubian Sunset roses and Corellian Moon-bursts was delivered to my office. The delivery girl had smiled as I signed for them and made a comment about me being lucky to have such a thoughtful admirer. I just gave her a smile that said, ‘I know’. There was a small card tucked deep within the flowers that simply said; Welcome back, I trust you are settling in. How Thrawn kept so well informed was beyond me. There had been no time to get word to him that I was heading back to the Imperial Center yet he had known. I had asked Jarack about this when he dropped off Thrawn’s latest letter to me but all he had said was “The Admiral always knows where you are, Miss.” And gave me one of those secret smiles reserved for those in the know not telling a person who wants to know the very thing that has aroused the curiosity in the first place. I just made a face and he had laughed as he left the office. If I didn’t know any better I would have half suspected Thrawn of having some tracking device tacked to me somehow.

For some time now he and I had been corresponding purely in his native language. While at first this presented quite a challenge for me, under his guidance my use of Cheunh improved greatly and in the space of nine months, give or take, I had become quite fluent at least with the written side of things. He had provided me with the most amazing dictionaries and data bases with sound files and pronunciation help but it was one thing to practice with the computer programme and quite another to speak with a native. I was looking forward to seeing him again so I could get in some practical lessons. The other two languages he had suggested I learn and given me information for had presented less of a challenge and on Tatooine I had found several traders and a few pilots who were fluent in both Minnisiat and Sy-Bisti, neither were hard for me to pick up.

I enjoyed the challenge of learning a new language but Cheunh was by far the hardest I had ever set my mind to. It had taken a very long time before I could read his letters without constantly consulting the extensive data base he had given me. Once I could read his words without help, I usually savoured them in the quiet of my flat, with a cup of tea and no distractions. I would often reply to him the same night while his thoughts and stories were still fresh in my mind. It was easy to get side tracked if I put off answering him right away.

A’mia Tekari,

It is always a delight to read your letters and I am quite sure that Jarack gets a great deal of enjoyment from watching me try to contain my smile as he hands me your latest missive.

Your latest adventure in Bestine sounded quite frustrating, for the most part and I truly wonder sometimes how it is that such people end up in the employ of the Empire. I can only imagine that you try their patience greatly by not actually doing any real work in the office you have been given. They probably think that you have been sent to spy on them and report back to Lord Vader. I can only imagine that this makes them nervous. I do feel inclined to reiterate my previous words to you and tell you to be careful. Tour Aryon is not someone to mess about with and as she already despises Lord Vader. You might want to tread just a tad more lightly around her. It is not that I think she, herself, would actually attempt to do you any physical harm but it has been my experience that petty kings, or queens, of their own little hills have a tendency to want to maintain their feeling of superiority and you upset that when you show up at the office there. I know of your delightful habit of speaking your mind so, please for the sake of my own peace of mind, watch your step.

You asked about my current work, in truth it is not that interesting. Primarily, we are responsible for mapping and exploration of the Unknown Regions. Space is big, as you well know and out here on the edge of things it is even larger and wilder. I rather like it, being out here is a lot more honest than working the palace political intrigue one is generally forced into when one works on Coruscant. I am sure you know exactly what I am speaking about. Most recently we have been in the Gradilis Sector looking at a red star and its sole satellite, a most interesting arboreal world. There is an ancient fortress on this world, left behind from some long ago culture. It is most intriguing, hidden away in the middle of a very lush, very beautiful forest. We have been looking for places to establish long range bases so who knows, perhaps we have found something suitable.

Now, my dear, I am hoping you will clear up a mystery for me. For the last few months I have been under the impression that there is something weighing heavily on your mind. I have tried to read between the lines but your grasp on my language is remarkable for one so newly schooled in it and I cannot make head nor tail of what it is that is weighing you down. Are you unhappy to be back on Tatooine or is it your not so recent disagreement with Lord Vader that is the source of what worries at you? You were not specific as to the nature of your fight with him but I get the impression it was very unpleasant. The fact that he did not kill you is a fairly major indication that you are of use to him, if that is what is on your mind? I know you get tired of me pestering you about your ability to keep secrets but I should like to think that I am more than just a language coach or passing interest. As a friend I am hoping you trust me and feel that you can talk to me about anything that troubles you. I assure you I am remarkably good at keeping confidences.

On a lighter note I did laugh at the story of Bel arguing with the book dealer. How is it that she always manages to find someone to have a heated discussion with? I must say that her skills for debate are quite amazing. While I am still uncertain if I should find a way to get back at you for leaving me alone with her during our brief stay on Tatooine, I was very impressed by her argument for the rather unusual theory behind the Kischi painting. You know the one that hangs in your family home living room, behind the green chair. I am beginning to wonder if I should not consider hiring her as a part of my team. She is quite something. Please tell her that she is not the only one who thinks that Kischi had several students who could emulate his work most effectively so it is entirely possible that the painting in your living room was completed by one of them, hence the slight difference in the brush stroke structure. I have a small treatise to send her on the subject that I think she would rather enjoy. I sent it to her directly as I thought she might enjoy getting mail of her own. Did she eventually buy any of the Book seller’s wares or was she just playing with him? Poor bastard probably had no idea what hit him, and for reasons I cannot explain this image makes me laugh.

Now, sj’iu tekari, I must end this. I know it is a short letter and I apologise but we are currently running exercises to see if we cannot increase our proficiency on surprise attack drills. Jarack will be here in a few moments to pick this up and take it to you. I hope you will forgive my lack of interesting stories to tell, I promise, next time I will be more engaging.

In the mean time, look after yourself and try to stay out of trouble. I look forward to hearing from you. Your letters always brighten my day.

Ilath’mera’talashti’Ia,
Mitth’raw’nuruodo


I laughed at the comments about Bel. She had argued with the antique book dealer for almost three hours before buying a small first edition of a book of poems by the famous poet Tiveria Sekanis. I hadn’t known at the time but the book was a birthday gift for me and I had cried when I had unwrapped it. I was certain that when he came back, it was one of the books Thrawn would very much enjoy looking at. Then, I had sighed at his almost eerie ability to read between my inability to spit it out, wondering then as I balanced my tea cup on the arm of my seat how I would answer the one question I had been dreading since the day I had found out who my birth parents were. With a sigh, I got up to refresh my tea and then settled down answer Thrawn because I had told Jarack I would have a letter for him to pick up in the morning and I didn’t want to waste his time.


Mia e’Tekari,

Coruscant never sleeps do you know that? It is a pretty city; all lit up like a Boonta Eve street festival but it’s terribly restless and utterly soulless. We had a very impressive micro storm earlier on and I wished you could have seen the lightening as it danced about the sky scrapers. I turned the lights off so I could watch and in the darkness I realised how fragrant the flowers are that you sent. I am not sure how to thank you for such a beautiful and thoughtful gift. The moment I unwrapped them they reminded me of home because the roses are the colour of a Tatooine sunset, and the Corellian Moon blossoms are almost the same colour as the planet’s moons’ light, which I am certain was the effect you were going for. I am quite sure it was not a coincidence that they arrived at the same time I got hit by a really bad bout of homesickness. Shiv was very impressed and although I commented to him that they could have been from anyone when he admired your thoughtfulness, he just laughed. He said and I quote ‘Highly doubtful beautiful flowers such as this would come from anyone else, since most of the sharks that have been on your tail do not have the forethought or taste to send you such a beautiful combination.’ I had to laugh because he is such a designer at heart, after going on about how expensive the roses must have been to get them shipped at this time of year, he suggested that I should ask Cati to make me a dress using the same combination of colours, then he took a blossom sample from each one so goodness knows what he plans. He said to tell you that you win points for class and making me smile.

You mentioned in your last letter that you felt I had something weighing on my mind. I wonder some times how you know these things, and if I should start looking over my shoulder for spies or something. As you have guessed, there is something I have wanted to tell you for months now but have not been able to find words for. I must have started the letters trying to talk about it a dozen times but words seem pale in comparison to that actual event and information so I will just say it. While I was home, I had a strange encounter in Mos Espa with a woman called Rikka Blane. To make a long story short she told the following. I was born on Tatooine in her house, the illegitimate child of a Jedi named A’kali L’uanna and a clone soldier, a commander I think. I spent almost the first year of my life in Rikka’s care before my mother came back and took me away to be hidden from those hunting Jedi. Rikka showed my holo-images of my birth mother and I look just like her. It was quite a shock to see. This first visit with this woman who looked after me for the first year of my life was unnerving.

I don’t quite know what to tell you about it all really, I am still trying to sort it all out myself. I went back to see Rikka twice more to talk to her and to learn more about the woman who gave birth to me. It was a bitter sweet thing, more pain and sorry than joy or happiness and despite this woman’s warmth and compassion I was always glad to get away from her, the house and the memories she carried. I wonder if I have ever met anyone who was so sad before. I learned a lot about the woman she had called friend but I don’t know that I learned a lot about the woman who gave birth to me, if that makes sense. I can’t seem to think of her as my mother some how, and her face is just an image of someone who looks an awful lot like the reflection I see in the mirror. I cannot quite connect the dots and this knowledge doesn’t make me whole, it just makes me melancholy. I mostly try not to dwell on it all to be honest, but it does answer some of the more pressing questions about why I can do some of the things I am able to do.

According to Lord Vader A’kali L’uanna was killed by her lover, the man I assume fathered me. And as I write this I can’t help but shake my head. My life is starting to sound more and more like a very bad holo film. You know one of those awful stories where it turns out that everyone is related to everyone and they all die horribly at the end. How much more complicated can it get?

I suppose I should be happy really, now at least I know where I was born and my birth date. Papa jokes that I am lucky because now I get to celebrate two ‘birthdays’, because we always celebrated the day I was found. But this news didn’t bring happiness it brought more questions and a strange sense of emptiness I can’t explain. Just over two years ago I had no idea I was even adopted, now I have no idea what to even think.

I wonder now at how twisted this universe is, I mean think about it, I work for the men who were effectively responsible for the death of my birth mother. Lord Vader says he did not kill her himself but he was a part of the Jedi purge so Jedi L’uanna would have been on the run from him. It does seem very ironic and the more I think about it the more it makes my head hurt. I am sorry I didn’t tell you any of this sooner, but to be honest I just didn’t know how. There is so much more to say than what I am able to put into coherent thoughts on paper, especially in this language which I am still trying to grasp, so perhaps if we see each other again and you want to hear about this I will tell you. Until then I think this is enough on this subject. I just find it depressing.

I really enjoyed your description of the arboreal world you came across in the Gradilis Sector. It sounds fascinating. I have never seen a planet belonging to a red star. I imagine the lighting must be spectacular. Do you think it will really be a place you will find useful for your secret and nefarious plans? I must admit I enjoy all the veiled secrecy in your words and it feels as though you half expect me to somehow figure it all out. So far I haven’t come up with any brilliant ideas, but I will let you know when I unearth your secret plot.

Speaking of which, and totally unrelated, I have that list you asked for finished and will send it along with this letter in the form of an encrypted data-chip. Not sure if it will help you much but it’s all the information I could find without raising eyebrows and suspicions. I am betting that my uncle Vahlek knows more. I can ask him if you like, if you need more information. What I can tell you from everything I heard before I left was this. There isn’t much love lost between Kast and Fett. Everything else is on the data chip.

Well, it’s three am and I am falling asleep so I guess I will close this now and get it ready for Jarack tomorrow. He’s very efficient and very secretive, you know. It seems to me my life is filled with secretive men, complicated family issues and a great lack of answers that make any sense. Papa always tells me that the only constant we can rely on is that nothing is constant at all, except change. This statement usually earns him one of my looks and ends with me having to go and make a cup of tea.

I hope that you are well and safe. Because it is so late and I am so tired I will risk sounding girly and maudlin and tell you that I miss you. Do you know it has been almost a year, exactly, since we last saw each other? I can’t believe how quickly time slips by.

And yes, Bel bought a book from the bookseller. I’ll show it to you when you pop by next time, I think you will be even more impressed with her taste when you see it. She wrote to tell me you had sent her something, she didn’t say what but according to papa she was blushing when she read your note and spent the rest of the day humming happily. I suspect that you will greatly hugged and not severely poked the next time you set foot at the Docking bay. Bel’s had a bit of a rough go of it until she came to work and eventually live with us. I can’t imagine her not in my life to be honest, so thank you for making her happy.

Mera’ta’llath’Ia,
Merlyn