Deep Amongst the Stars Divided 8

Thrawn’s flat was silent. He had not returned, yet. I was strangely grateful for this and did not turn on any lights as I made my way to the bedroom and changed into a pretty but casual dress that was easy to move in. As I wandered about the flat I realised that he had packed some things away, some of his art work and books. He had known what was coming and he had prepared himself accordingly. I didn’t know whether to be angry or relieved. I grabbed a shawl from the bottom drawer of the chest of drawers that had become mine by default and made my way to the kitchen.

On the counter was a very expensive bottle of red wine and two glasses. Propped up against the bottle was a note. I picked it up, his handwriting, as always was flawless and elegant.

“Do not forget to let it breathe, Tekari.”

He had known I would come here. He was always ready for everything, it wouldn’t surprise me, I thought tartly, that he had even planned how to avoid his own death. I opened the bottle and let the wine breathe as per his instructions. I gave it five minutes then poured myself a glass, I would have waited for him but I had no idea how long he would be and I needed a drink now.

I took my wine and went to sit out on the balcony. I sipped at it slowly and let the rich flavour invade my tongue. This was a very good wine, but then Thrawn had exquisite taste in damned near everything so it wasn’t such a big surprise that the last bottle of wine we would share on this planet for goodness knew how long would be the best credits could buy.

The city twinkled and danced as it always did. Some things never changed. It seemed to me, as I sat in the unquiet dark, that this planet would forever churn it’s light jewelled self around the unremarkable sun regardless of what politics ruled the day. I was glad I would be leaving in the morning to return to the Executor. I had the distinct impression that after the assembly I had just attended my life on Coruscant would not be particularly pleasant. I really had to wonder what the Emperor hoped to gain by doing what he did. I just did not understand his games at all but I was beginning to understand just why Lord Vader both revered and feared the man so much. One had to admire the Emperor’s ability to play people. If manipulation were a sport, Palpatine would be the galactic champion.

I heard Thrawn come home but I didn’t get up. I listened to him move about the flat; go into the bedroom and then the ‘fresher to shower. It was his normal routine, almost as if the act of showering directly upon coming home washed the taint of the Imperial political scene from his body. He joined me on the balcony; the bottle and the other wine glass in hand, his hair still wet and the scent of soap in the air. He filled his glass, topped up mine and then leaning back against the balcony wall, we drank a silent toast. The quiet between us was heavy and I didn’t know how to break it so I was grateful when he took that job on.

“Do you like the wine?” He asked, his eyes never leaving my face.

I nodded. “It has enough kick to take the sting out of the evening.” I tried but I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice.

He regarded me for a moment. “Yes, that was unexpected.” He admitted.

I glanced up at him in disbelief. “You mean to tell me you really did not know he was going to use our affair against you and consequently me as well?” I shook my head. “You can’t really expect me to believe that you, who plan for everything, did not see this coming. In fact on the way here I had to ask myself if that was why you got involved with me in the first place. If all I am is just another part of your grand scheme of things!”

He gave me an icy stare. “Is that what you really think?”

I had to fight the urge to throw something at him. “I don’t know what to think! I just got dragged light-years across the damn galaxy to witness your disgrace and banishment from the court and much to my surprise, my complete mortification as well!” I snapped. “What am I supposed to think? You keep telling me you have it all well in hand and that you are prepared for every eventuality and you honestly expect me to believe you did not know this was coming, that you did not plan for this?”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, sj’iu tekari, I did not. It may surprise you to learn that even I cannot predict every single occurrence in the galaxy.” He was cross and it leaked into his words. “The arrangement that Palpatine and I had for my supposed downfall was over a political issue, a power struggle, unwittingly helped along by Tigellinus and his supporters, driven along by his overwhelming need for power.” He shrugged slightly, “Perhaps, considering the amount of attention Palpatine paid to our relationship I should have seen this coming, but I did not consider it an option because I saw no benefit in it as a tool against me.” He looked at me and added. “It did not occur to me that he would wish to publicly humiliate you in such a manner. In fact, until I got word from Vader that you were on planet, I did not think you would even be here.” He was telling me the truth.

“The Emperor insisted Lord Vader bring me along and now we know why.” I retorted.

“If I apologised would that lessen your humiliation or your anger?”

I glanced up at him. “You are not the one who needs to apologise! We did nothing wrong. The Emperor and his games are the issue, not us sleeping together.” I snapped. “And I was not only humiliated but also furious, which is exactly what the Emperor wanted from me.”

“He has his reasons for doing this, I am sure.” He said in a voice telling me that even he could not quite figure out exactly what those reasons were.

I nodded. “Yes,” I said softly, bitterly. “I’m quite sure he does.”

He went to say something further but I waved my hand to shut him up. “What’s done is done.” I said but the anger that I had been keeping at bay slowly crept forward.

“This was messier than I had thought it would be, but it was necessary.” He told me as if that explained everything. “Now, while the rest of the Imperial navy and court think I am off in disgrace mapping uncharted territory I can actually get to work without worrying about the likes of Tigellinus trying to destroy it all because of petty jealousies and power struggles.”

“So, now your grand plan starts in earnest.” I said. “I hope it was worth it.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my words. He ignored this which stirred my anger further.

He nodded. “We will continue to establish a serious Imperial presence beyond the Outer Rim regions, well into the Unknown Regions and hopefully strengthen the galactic defences. As you know we have already started but I can concentrate solely on the task at hand.”

I played with my wine glass, swirling the drink around. “Most of the men, except for Parck, who were punished along with you have no idea that this was all planned do they?”

His slow smile reminded me of a teacher I had once had and loathed. “Clever girl, there isn’t much that can be hidden from you when you open your eyes.” He said smugly.

“I wouldn’t be too sure. I didn’t exactly see any of this coming!” I told him crossly. “You could have warned me!”

“I did.”

“You call that cryptic letter of yours a warning?” I asked. “You need lessons on clarity!”

His eyebrow arched. “And you feel you have something about that to teach me? You have more secrets than the Jedi temple and are twice as difficult to decode, my dear, so be very careful about the stones you care to throw.”

He spoke more tartly than I suspect he had meant to. My nerves were not the only ones to be frayed by the events of the evening. I respected that it could not have been an easy thing for him to go through but it did not lessen my anger any. I got up, suddenly furious and unable to contain it any longer. I hurled my glass at him. He side stepped it and it smashed against the balcony wall with a satisfying crash, spraying red wine like a blood splatter against the wall. I swore at him viciously, loving the way his language sounded to my ears even in anger, and left to go back inside, but I had no idea where I would actually go or even why. I just knew I was angrier than a provoked rancor and there was no outlet for the emotions that boiled away in my belly. I wanted to scream or destroy something or both.

He moved with a swift, easy grace that completely belied his strength which he used as he caught me by the arm and spun me around to face him. “I can think of a much better use for your excess energy than breaking my expensive wine glasses.” He said coolly as he pulled me tightly to his body and wrapped his other arm around my waist. I pushed back from him but I could not break free. His eyes glowed fiercely and I knew by the set of his jaw he was just as angry as I was. The flash of heat that flared between us made me gasp.

“How can you think of that at a time like this?” I asked, not wanting to admit he might actually have a valid point.

His expression turned from hard to feral, he brought his mouth to my ear and whispered. “It is the only thing to consider at a time such as this and don’t tell me you are unwilling. Your body language says everything but.” His breath was warm upon my skin. “Have a care my dear, I too, can tell when someone is lying.”

I shuddered involuntarily at the threat behind his words and he seized the moment, bringing his mouth down on mine hard. His kiss was brutal, dominant. He pulled away and hissed in my ear, “A’mal’yn.”

Mine, he had said in its most possessive and absolute form. I looked up at him for an explanation but he didn’t offer me words and he shut me up before I could speak with his mouth once again, just in case I hadn’t gotten the message the first time around. I returned his kiss, matching his mood and discovered that he was right; passion was exactly what was needed at this particular moment, because killing someone, anyone was out of the question and very impractical. I did not protest when he picked me up without breaking stride or kiss to carry me into the bedroom and toss me on the bed. We were not exactly gentle about getting undressed and even less cautious about the way in which our furious needs and moods unleashed themselves. There was nothing careful or kind in anything we did to each other. We crashed together like a bad speeder accident and by the time we reached that ultimate crescendo, the fury had passed into something completely different.

He whispered my name as his body shuddered and I gave into him utterly. I did not want to let go, ever. ‘…tell me what you cherish most, so I will know what to take from you…’ I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could to block out these words that simply would not go away. I refused to let the Emperor intrude in my thoughts; intrude in my most intimate moments. I fought the tears that suddenly filled my eyes and threatened to creep their way down my cheeks. I did not want to cry, I did not want to show that weakness. I hid these emotions behind the remnants of the powerful ardour that had gripped us both. It was only when he complained that I realised I was biting his shoulder far too hard.

“I am already bound to you; you do not need to mark me as yours.” He spoke gently.

I just looked at him. There were no words. He brushed the stray tear from my face with his thumb. He kissed my forehead and pulled me with him as he lay back down. We were silent for a long time, cuddled together, a tangle of limbs. The anger and adrenaline rush now replaced by a weary calm. He brushed damp hair from my face and smiled when I moved closer into his body.

“You never cease to amaze me, you know.” He said after what seemed an age. His fingertips traced the four bruises that decorated my left shoulder. Lord Vader’s grip during the assembly had left marks. Thrawn frowned at them but said nothing. We had had the argument about Lord Vader’s brutality many times and it always ended in a stalemate. Eventually he had given up, but his disapproval was easy to read on his face.

“Why is that?” I asked taking his hand in mine.

“You don’t ask the questions I expect a woman in your position to ask.”

“In my position… interesting choice of words.” I laughed slightly then said. “You mean the will I ever see you again, or was any of this ever real or all a wicked plot to get you expelled by the Emperor, or did you ever really care anything for me, kind of questions?”

He nodded. “Mmm pretty much.”

I shifted so that I could look directly into his eyes. “Why would I ask you such stupid questions when I already know the answers?” I asked. “You would never have even considered having anything to do with me if were I remotely like that. Possessiveness and insecurities are not traits men like you value.” He remained silent, his strange red eyes never moving from my face, so I continued. “Do you think I do not know how much you desire to be back in space doing what it is you were born to do? Did you think you hide that part of your being so well I could not notice the longing in your face when you look up at the invisible stars from this wretched planet?” I shook my head and slid out of bed, found a robe and put it on. “Maybe you hide that from everyone else but you’ve allowed me to get close enough to you that I see beyond that cold façade you love to wear. You miss space, star ship command and being in charge so much you ache for it as much as you make me ache for you. It was only a matter of time, I knew that. Nothing lasts forever and you needed to find a way to get back out there. Did you think I would claim you as my own, tie you down and demand you stay here at my side?” I shook my head and took a deep breath. “I have been waiting for this moment for some time now… but while the result was inevitable but the execution of it all was a bit messy.” I told him with a sigh, and then headed for the kitchen to get a new glass so that I could help finish the bottle of wine we had started earlier.

A moment later he joined me in the kitchen, after retrieving his glass from outside. The little mouse-bot I had named Mo had already taken care of the broken glass and spilt wine on the balcony. I glanced at the chrono on the wall and sighed. Time seemed to take a huge delight in speeding itself up when ever I wanted a moment to last forever. He must have sensed something about my thoughts, because he pulled me to him gently and held me close. There we stood barely dressed, wine glass in hand, holding on to something that was never really there to hold on to, to begin with.

“For someone so young, you really do surprise me with your insights, you know.” He told me.

I shrugged. “I was never young. Even as a child I knew things I never should have.”

He sighed and caressed me gently. “That nasty little talent of yours?”

I gave a slight nod then added, “Among other things, it made it hard to be a kid sometimes. I always knew secrets I wasn’t supposed to. It grew into a talent for reading people. That and I almost always knew when someone was lying. Everyone always said that I seemed so grown up beyond my years, just no one really knew why or understood except Zte’sa Vahlek and maybe Jyrki.”

He cupped my face with his free hand and drew it upwards close enough so that he could kiss me. Bringing up Jyrki’s name had made him suddenly protective and possessive and as much as he tried to contain and control these emotions they leaked out anyway. I found them strangely gratifying.

In that singular moment I wanted to tell him how I truly felt, that despite my grand speech, I was scared to let him go. That sometimes I ached for him so much when we were apart it was like a physical illness, that I wanted to open my heart and give him my soul but I told him nothing of these thoughts instead I kept quiet and just kissed him back, trying to forget that anything else in the galaxy existed. It occurred to me then, that despite our different worlds, our different physiologies and ages, perhaps we were not so far apart. Neither of us had been children in the truest sense of the word, he because of his race and culture and me because of my unwanted force talents.

“It isn’t the end of things, you know, it is just the beginning.” He said breaking the silence. “I meant what I wrote.”

I sipped my wine, listening to the sound of his heart beat in his chest. When I didn’t look up at him he put his glass on the counter and lifted my chin with the crook of his forefinger. I could see he wanted to ask what I was thinking but he didn’t. What was there to say? In another few hours we would once again be divided by light years of space and fields of twinkling stars, quite literally worlds apart. I believed him when he said I was a part of the future, whatever that was, but it didn’t make the fast looming parting any easier to take. I sighed. Had we not played out this exact same scenario a month or so prior? It was like a bad holo-film glitch replaying the same bad scene over and over again, except this time we were both flying off in different directions with no plans to return to the core. I finished my drink and tugged at his hand.

“Let’s go back to bed, Za’ar, we don’t have so much time left I want to waste it on mindless talk about things we already know and can do nothing to change. Remind me why everyone calls you a tactile genius. ”

“You mean tactical.” He corrected.

I just arched an eyebrow and smirked. “Whatever.”

He got the joke and smiled. He finished the wine in his glass and then much to my delight; he did exactly as I had asked. Our parting in the morning was wordless and painful. Neither of us looked back.

The flight back to the Executor was anything but restful. I was tired and cranky; Lord Vader was moody and snarky. He had insisted I fly, much to the annoyance of Colonel Jendon who was officially Lord Vader’s shuttle pilot. I personally thought Lord Vader took a perverse sense of pleasure in making me pilot when he knew I was tired and had not gotten much sleep. Still, I didn’t complain. I loved flying the Lambda class shuttles and being alone in the cockpit with Lord Vader meant we either got to talk about things or I was left in peace to do the job of flying while he meditated or slept.

Depending on his mood he was either generous with his knowledge of the ship and his own flying skills or the trip was essentially silent. This time the trip was a terse teaching session with lots of sarcasm and yelling. The shuttle had been equipped with a new defence system and he wanted to make sure I was up on those latest developments, plus I think he liked giving the men riding in the passenger area something to worry about.

Today’s lesson was on how far one could ultimately push an L-class shuttle before all the warning bells and lights screamed blue murder. Twice Colonel Jendon came up to ask if everything as okay. I suspect he would have done so a third time if Lord Vader had not growled at him for interfering in my flying lesson. The Colonel shot me a dirty look which I returned and then dutifully went back to his seat muttering something about female pilots. Inwardly I smiled but outwardly I was trying to make sure I didn’t burn our hyperdrive out. While I was pretty sure I could have fixed it if it broke, I really, really didn’t want to. I think there were a lot of frayed nerves by the time the shuttle safely landed in the hanger of the Executor.

I gathered my bags and with Lord Vader’s permission was allowed to return to my quarters. It had taken us nearly nine hours to reach the SSD, five hours and three hyperspace jumps longer than it should have thanks to Lord Vader’s insane instructional methods. I was exhausted through and through. I tossed my bags on the bed and went to shower. It had been a really trying trip all around and all I wanted to do was sleep.