The Other Side of Grace 4

“No!” I stamped my foot.

Lord Vader shook his head. “I was not asking you. I was telling you.” He said.

“You don’t run my social life!” I shouted at him.

“Perhaps I should.” He said sarcastically, “However that is neither here nor there, you are expected to attend the Grand ball. You are expected to attend with me and as I am telling you, you will accompany Grand Admiral Zaarin as his escort.” He was being remarkably calm and I wasn’t.

“No!” I said crossly. “I absolutely will not!”

“Why do you insist on being argumentative?” he asked.

“Why are you making me do this when you know I don’t like that man.?”

“He expressed a desire to spend time in your company. Your like or dislike is irrelevant.” He said, with a casual wave of his hand. He was standing with his back to me staring out of the tall, lancet windows into the Coruscant night.

“I do not belong to you!” I shouted again. “I am not a palace courtesan to be passed about to the highest bidder for your pleasure or gain!”

Lord Vader turned around to face me but stayed where he was. “No, you are not. What you are is the daughter of a Jedi with the ability to tell truth from lie. I want you to accompany Zaarin and I want you to… read him.”

“You want me to what?” I could not keep the incredulity out of my voice.

Lord Vader seemed to sigh even though his breathing never changed. He stared at me for a long time before turning his back on me to look out of the window once again. The next part of the conversation took place where no one else could hear it.

“I said I want you to read him. You have caught his eye and his interest and I want you to see beneath the surface and listen.” He said in my mind. There was something he wasn’t telling me but I didn’t know what it was and I couldn’t dig deep enough to figure it out.

“You want me to spy on an Imperial Officer?”

His shoulders heaved. “Not spy, just pay close attention. You have a talent, use it.”

“How?” I asked cautiously not liking where this was going.

“Use your charm, converse with him and stroke his inflated ego. He likes to talk about his work. ” He said coldly. “You and I will be attending the Grand Ball next week as per the Emperor’s request and you will accompany Zaarin as per mine, have I made myself clear?”

“Crystal.” I hissed between clenched teeth as I stomped out of his office without permission. I was being rude but I was angry so I didn’t care. If I could have slammed the door behind me I would have. I didn’t like being used and I didn’t like this situation one bit.

I went home angry then I went to my lesson with Master Kjestyll even angrier where he proceeded to show me that his calm out witted my rage any day. I loved him and respected him more than I thought it possible but sometimes his methods just escaped my understanding. Instead of starting out with the usual fairly intense stretching regime he had made me lie down on the floor and for almost half an hour I stayed like that, my left hand resting over my heart, my right hand on my lower abdomen. He had sat beside me, cross legged, calm and placed his hand in between both of mine flat on my solar plexus. At first I had fought against him, fought against trying to breathe fully and fought against relaxing. I was so wound up and so frustrated than my anger spoke far louder than any sort of semblance of calm ever could. I could feel the warmth of his hand as he applied a certain amount of pressure, correcting my breathing subtly, carefully. He drew out my anger as though he was drawing out poison and as my breathing became more regular and softer I began to understand how powerful his calm truly was.

“You fight with yourself and your passions rule you.” He said gently when he felt I was ready to sit up. “The Bunduki arts are about centering and using the energy flow to push and pull. To deflect great force one does not need to use great force but one needs to be centered. You block your own energy when you hold your anger within as you do. How do you expect to fight fluidly if your energy cannot flow through you as you wish to move through the air around you?”

I was light headed and trembling when I sat up. “He just makes me cross sometimes.” I said as he helped me to my feet.

Master Kjestyll made a noise and smiled. “Yes, he infects you with his own anger.” He said.

“I don’t understand, he encourages me to be angry and to use it.” I said as I began my warm up stretches.

“That is because it is all he now knows to use. His anger drives him so he feels it will drive you as well but you fight against it.” My master said. “He uses his anger to fuel the power he takes from the living force but the Bunduki arts do not draw on this mystery, they were created to counter those who could, created to use the energy of the body, the air and the world around you. When you lock your anger deep within your shi-lu you block everything that allows you to move as one with the energy of life.” He corrected my position and continued. “This lesson is one you do not seem willing to learn, so often you come to me in this way, full of fire in your belly.” He tapped my solar plexus; the exact spot where I felt that hard knot of anger sit. “You must learn to let go and become the stillness.”

I sighed. I had heard these words so often I could almost recite them along with my Master. “I try.” I said as we moved from warm up stretches to the slow and beautiful kata forms.

Master Kjestyll shook his head. “Try? This is a word I do not wish to hear from your lips again. You must simply act without thought or concentration, centering should come to you as easily as breathing does. This will eventually happen, you are a good student but it is harder for you because you began your training so late and are influenced by many … outside forces.” He said.

“I feel sometimes as though I am being pulled in a million different directions at once.” I told him.

“A million no, but two or perhaps three.” He said. “You waver, paths lie before you and you have not yet chosen which one to walk.” His hands corrected my position. I could feel the steel like strength behind his firm touch. “When you make your choice, the way will become easier or more difficult depending on the path taken.”

I sighed, lost concentration and was punished for that by ending up on my butt. He pulled me to my feet and gave me a look that said, concentrate. Master Kjestyll had changed my training regime. Instead of a passive, defensive form we had switched to more offensive, more aggressive forms. I had thought I was good at what I did but training with Master Kjestyll made me look as though I were standing still. He laughed as I landed on my ass for the second time.

“Your mind is elsewhere.” He chided. “If you were fighting for your life, you’d be dead now. Stop thinking about the next moment and concentrate on the now.” He hauled me to my feet and without a single break in his motion he attacked me with a new move. It was beautiful, a sweeping, almost dance like motion full of deadly grace. When his hand connected with my body, it hurt and I went down on the floor again. I was surprised when I felt that sharp twist of anger shoot through my belly.

“Stop thinking about what you are going to do and just do it. This isn’t a dance recital, child.” He said calmly, waiting until I got back up on my feet. I swallowed my anger down. He attacked again and I failed to defend again.

He shook his head, hands on his hips as he looked down at me. “What is in your head? Not life, I think? Not living. You think this is fun? A joke perhaps? You think I teach you because I have nothing better to do? How many years now have you been under my watchful eye?”

I got up. He looked at me carefully. With a slight frown he walked around me as though I were an object of art to be studied. Then to my surprised he walked away without saying a word. For a moment I was cross and more than a little annoyed with him but this was not the first time he had done this. I knelt on the floor, meditating. My brain was busy, too busy. It wasn’t so much about coherent thought but rather the lack of it, white noise, filling, distracting and hard to shake. The problem I suddenly realised was not the noise itself, not the jumble of what ifs and whys that raced around inside my head but the fact that I let it over take everything else.

The question was how to focus. Here in this place, the Imperial palace I had problems doing that and it had been this way since my return. When I had started to train with uncle Vahlek that had not been an issue and I wondered why. I felt as though I were at war with myself.

Don’t seek the stillness, be the stillness…

I wanted to center; to find that elusive peace, which enabled me to act without forethought, see the moment unfold without trying to predict the what-next. At uncle Vahlek’s home we had worked out in the desert, there was nothing to distract us, just wind, sun and sand. I had found these things calming. Coruscant was not calming, too much traffic noise, people noise, and too much outside stimulation. I felt everything. That, I suddenly realised, was a very large part of my problem, I wasn’t letting go.

I stood up and stretched my arms upward and breathed. If breath was the key then I was suffocating my self with my thoughts. With each inhalation I took a hold of a thought, something that had been on my mind, as I exhaled I let that thought go. Why, I wondered after what seemed an eternity, had I not noticed all this clutter, all this noise in my head before?

I sensed him return to the room and I sensed rather than knew his move. I blocked it easily and didn’t even think about it. He did not stop he did not let up, he moved with a speed and a certainty that was beautiful. No thoughts, no clutter in my brain. Not only was I able to keep up and stay on my feet but one or twice I also surprised him.

Soaked in sweat and panting hard we eventually stopped when he had put me on the flat of my back with a beautiful leg and hand combination I had never seen before.

“That was called water through stone.” He said.

“Impressive.” I said catching my breath. I sat up slowly.

“I will teach it to you next time if you can manage to find that center again as you did today.” He said, motioning me to begin cool down stretches. At my side he helped me perfect my positioning. Even something as simple as a stretch had the perfect form.

“Too much in my head. Coruscant is like a big explosion in my brain.” I said. “In the desert, with Zte’sa Vahlek, everything was simple, there were no distractions.”

He nodded. “In a fight there will always be distractions. One second of your mind being elsewhere could cost you an arm, or a leg or your life.” He said. “You are like a power coupling with no ground sometimes, your focus is scattered all over the place, you send out energy in every direction. You could be so much better than this if you learned to focus properly. I am wondering how I can best teach you this. I have never had such a difficult student before. You are most challenging for me.”

“Lord Vader said the same thing about me being ungrounded.” I told him.

Master Kjestyll regarded me carefully. “You are gifted with the Force but you do not use it when you fight.”

I shrugged. “I actually don’t really know how. Lord Vader teaches me to reach through it with anger but I lose control when I do that. It isn’t as if there are any teachers around who can help out in this area any more. It is as if there is no middle ground.”

“The Jedi had a strict code, they believed that the darker side of passions and emotions led to an abuse of the power that corrupted the soul.”

“Did it?” I asked.

Master Kjestyll drew a thoughtful breath. “Does the sword corrupt the master or does the master corrupt the sword?”

“I don’t know. I just know how I feel when I use anger to fight. It’s powerful, it’s seductive but I don’t like it all that much. I feel as though a part of me dies when I do things this way, Lord Vader and the Emperor’s way. I know that Lord Vader uses it as a tool but he can control it.”

“Does he or does it control him?” he asked.

I looked at my master and shrugged. “I wish I had never been born with this gift.”

He smiled. “You will find your way. There are sources out there; you just have not discovered them yet.” He said gently.

“But in the meantime I struggle.” I said.

He nodded. “All this energy you hold, these emotions of fear, of anger and especially passion distract you when they could be used to help you, you must choose one to lead and the others to add strength. You fear they will rule you and not the other way around but, child, by fearing this you allow the very thing you wish to prevent. You have learnt very well how to lock them all up in a bundle together deep inside your being but you have never been taught how to embrace them and use them. Letting go scares you the most, yet it is what you will have to do in order to move forward. You must embrace all the talents you have and you must learn how to use them in a way that you can live with. Most of those who learn and were trained in the Bunduki arts had no connection to the Force. It was because of this these ways of fighting, these combat methods were developed. The Jedi were not only superbly trained warriors in their own rights but they had this power that gave them an edge. You need to come to terms with your gifts, this power and learn how to use it not fight against it. ”

I sighed. I had been reading the little journal my birth mother had left for me but it was not much help, and it raised more questions than it answered. I was still searching through the library the Emperor had given me access to for anything that would help me sort out these conflicting ideals in my head, but so far there had been nothing. The Sith had allowed their passions to rule them, they had used the darker emotions to fuel their abilities with the force, but there was no how to manual. I didn’t dare bring up the subject of Jedi with Lord Vader for fear of him going ballistic again and there was no one else to talk to about it, who could help me better understand.

Master Kjestyll nodded and stood up. “Have you learnt this lesson today? Will you come to me next time ready to work and learn? Or will we have to repeat these steps all over again? You think on it, either way I am patient. Eventually even the smallest, steadiest drop of water wears through the strongest, most stubborn of stone.”

I nodded. He laughed at the face I made. I stood up and bowed to him wondering as we left the room if I would ever ‘get it.’

Tired and frustrated, I lay in the bath. I lit candles and the steamy, hot water was scented by oils made with exotic flowers from a planet I had never heard of. I ached from the gruelling work out my master had put me through, but worse my mind ached from all the questions I had. I stayed in the bath until the water turned cool and I had become a wrinkled excuse for a person. I felt much better as I sat, wrapped in a robe that was far too large for me, drinking brandy. The holonet was on but I wasn’t paying much attention. I had re read Thrawn’s latest letter twice and then I settled down to answer him.


Mia e’Tekari,

Once again it is late but I like this time of night, shortly before midnight when the traffic outside has calmed down somewhat and the activity along with the noise of the city moves downward into the underworld. I always liked night time and at home I often went up on the Bluff and spent hours staring upward. Of all the things I miss, seeing the stars definitely ranks high up on that list. There is too much light pollution here, as though the entire planet wants to outshine even the brightest star in the sky. I remember a couple of the Pilots who worked for my father years ago telling me that Coruscant was one of the only planets that shone like a sun. While I can understand that people love it here, love the busy life style, the access to everything and anything the galaxy has to offer I find it sad that the natural side of the planet is missing. I am glad I never grew up here and got to see the wonders of worlds without much technology. I miss Tatooine greatly, especially at night. Maybe that’s why it is easier to write to you in this quiet time, it takes away the sensation of loss.

Yes, Shiv is mostly to blame for my surprising amount of useless popular culture trivia, although the others help. He and Antygra, both keep up on all the gossip because they hear most of it first or second hand from the courtesans and they pass it along to me. It’s good to know sometimes, even if it is just gossip, and you would not believe how often these crazy topics come up in conversation at the Palace events I am obligated to attend. Speaking of Palace events, last week I attended at the behest of Lord Vader, one of the strangest events I have ever seen here.

Grand Admiral Rufaan Tigellinus was inducted into the Order of the Canted Circle. Do you know him? I have never even heard of this strange group before so having to attend this function was a bit weird. It was an ornate ceremony held at the Skydome Botanical Gardens. What a beautiful setting for such a mysterious event. Lord Vader was not very forth coming about what it was all about, not that this is unusual. Lord Vader is not often forthcoming about anything. I got the feeling he wasn’t all that impressed by the whole event and even less impressed by the man being inducted. It is a good thing, I think, that his face is hidden behind that mask of his. I am quite sure the disdain I sensed from him would have been very readable on his face. I am sort of in agreement with him though; the whole long black velvet robe thing was a bit over the top. I never really get the whole secret society thing, especially not this one. It was one of those events with high end catering and good champagne, to make up for the fact that it was on the whole quite boring. I am quite sure Lord Vader drags me to these sorts of events with him to keep himself amused. I was a bit surprised when all the members suddenly vanished. However, when that happened it was a good thing because it meant I got to go home.

I heard some rumblings amongst some of the on lookers about GA Tigellinus’s induction. They didn’t seem that happy about it at all. He doesn’t seem to endear himself to many people in the Imperial Court. Of course that doesn’t seem to matter if you have the favour of the Emperor, who by the way was there but not looking too healthy. He did not spend much time socializing with anyone and was quickly ushered away surrounded by the Royal Guard once the induction was over.

There have been a number of strange rumours flying about the palace concerning the Emperor’s health. Lord Vader won’t speak about this topic but he did tell me that using the Force the way the Emperor does is very draining on the physical body. Since I have been back I have not had any personal contact with the Emperor and I am quite happy with that to be honest. Mostly I have been busy keeping up with Lord Vader and his affairs. I was cross as all hell to learn that he had been quite badly injured sometime ago on Aridus. This information slipped out from one of his informants, a man named Jix. I met him briefly at Lord Vader’s Coruscant Palace, which should really be called a dungeon because it’s so dark and dreary. Jix was waiting to see Lord Vader and I was there on some emergency last minute rescheduling which Lord Vader really enjoys hauling me out of bed for at the worst possible hour, before the he went off planet again. This accident happened while I was still on Tatooine and Jix was not very open about details. When I asked Lord Vader about it his answer was a terse statement about reminding some people to keep their mouths shut and that he was fine. I think he secretly likes it when I inquire about his health but you know how he is. It would be bad form for the Emperor’s right hand man to be seen as anything but mighty and powerful. I didn’t press the issue.

He is completely obsessed at the moment with capturing and dealing with the Rebels, particularly a young man called Luke Skywalker. He has also been doing some interesting experiments with cybernetics and droids, and, I might add, going through droid engineers like crazy. Since I am the one who has to make the appointments for him, the list of available engineers is rapidly getting shorter and shorter. It would be funny if I wasn’t being yelled at every ten minutes or so. He goes through more droids than anyone else I know. His latest fad is probe droids which he has sent out all over the galaxy in search of the elusive rebels. In the last two months I have learnt more about droids and their manufacturers than I ever wanted to know. I am grateful for the Cynabar Droid datalogue and I have pretty much learned its contents off by heart. Good job I have a bit of a technical background. Lord Vader likes droids though and he will talk about them sometimes if you can catch him on a good day.

It is a shame that you are not on Coruscant at the moment. Next week, which is the Expansion festival week, with Shiv in tow, I am going to a private gallery opening of a collection of works by Venthan Chassu and Isone Medeglia. At first it seems like a strange pairing but they both attended the same art school so I guess that’s the connection. I don’t know how I feel about Chassu’s works to be honest. My mother always felt his style was too nouveau and his nudes drove her crazy but I liked some of his stuff. I will be interested to see how they display these two artists together though because they could not be more different from each other. I remember seeing a self portrait by Chassu in the Art gallery on Alderaan when I was last there, I was very young, and it gave me nightmares for months afterwards. Chassu has a very twisted self image. I wondered if he had taken a mirror, shattered it, taped it back together again and used that to see his face in. I much prefer Medeglia’s works, especially her Tatooine series. There is one painting of hers that I have only seen once in a rare collection book of her more unusual works. It is called Hidden under the Endless Sky. I know exactly where she sat to paint it, because it is the view from the cliff where Jabba’s Palace is situated. I am still in awe at her ability to paint the planet’s colours so perfectly. She is the only artist of that school who ever managed to capture the essence of the planet. Well, at least from what I know. Anyway, some whacky collector has decided to put together a show of these two artists for compare and contrast purposes and since Lord Vader was sent complimentary tickets and he has no interest in going I get to attend instead. If you were here, I’d have dragged you along with me. Sometimes I do love the perks of the job. If there is a catalogue, I’ll pick you up one and I will definitely tell you all about it in my next letter.

Loss is such a strange thing. I read your words and found myself nodding in agreement with damn near everything you wrote. I miss my mother terribly and I doubt I will ever really get over that loss. Now I sometimes find myself missing my birth mother as well, even though she was not an actual physical part of my life. These gaps, these absences are so ethereal and elusive yet somehow massive and impossible to fill in or even bridge. I see now that I have a tendency to latch on to others and kind of make them a part of my own family, an extension of family, if you will. People like Shiv and Bel become my surrogate siblings. It is as though this act of adopting people into my own circle will help somehow replace the people who are no longer there. I am not sure it actually works this way, but it’s too late at night for me to ponder this aspect and come up with a good answer. Needless to say it was sad to read that you and your sister have a hard time because of your brother’s disappearance. Old ghosts do seem to have a nasty habit of sticking around, don’t they?

I am glad you found the information on the various force powers useful. I have some more stuff to send when I get it sorted out a bit. Force-choke is awful. Who tried that trick on you and more to the point why? It is one of Lord Vader’s favourites and he loves to scare the sandjiggers out of the men under his command with it. I sometimes think he just does it for kicks. Did you know that his men draw lots to see which of them will have to deliver messages to him?

No, I have never tried any “mind tricks” on you. As a general rule they rarely work on strong minded individuals. I don’t think one has to be force sensitive to receive telepathic thoughts but it helps. To be honest it is not something I use that often and so far the only person I actually communicate with in this manner is Lord Vader because it’s private and easy, well easy is a relative term. Having Lord Vader in one’s head is NEVER easy. I always thought, especially where you were concerned that to use this particular gift without your permission was a very large invasion of privacy, which in turn was a breech of trust. I admit that I have used it on a few occasions and always felt somewhat bad afterwards, but never with you. I have seen some of the more unpleasant results that mind-push can have. I don’t know how it was to have been trained as a Jedi but these force powers don’t bring me a lot of happiness and half the time I wish I wasn’t born with them.

The more you write about the Chiss the more curious I become about them. What is the CEDF? I must say that subtle and rebellious are two words only you could have used in a sentence and still have made sense.

You asked about the trials and what that entails, well I am studying the Bunduki arts, also sometimes known as Teräs Käsi. A form of fighting that was started by the Followers of Palawa on the planet Bunduki. It is a kind of weaponless martial arts, although we are also taught to use some combat weapons such as staves and swords. The trials are a test of how far I have come as a student and how well I have learned. If I pass then I will advance upward and learn more complex moves and combinations. Most of the time a teacher will evaluate his or her students themselves but the trials that take place in a few months from now are intergalactic. This is unusual and should be interesting. I have no details yet on the whole event but when I do I will keep you posted.

Shiv has said he’ll hold off on the whole Holloway Theme party until you return. I told him he had a death wish and he just laughed saying that was my thing not his. I was the one, after all, who argued with Lord Vader on a regular basis. I couldn’t top that so I let the matter drop.

Speaking of letting matters drop, you might want to reconsider your threat of frisking me for concealed weaponry. Master Kjestyll has trained me very well and I can hurt you, should you decide to pursue this course of action.

Now, on that note I am going to bed. Be safe and have fun guarding the universe from evil doers!

Mera’ta’llath’Ia
Merlyn


“Ow!” I yelled as Cati accidentally on purpose managed to stick the pin she wanted to adjust the dress with into me instead of the fabric.

“Well if you would stop fussing, my hand would not slip and this would be a painless procedure!” Cati said trying very hard to maintain her patience.

I sighed. The Grand ball was two days away and after avoiding all thoughts on the subject I finally got the energy up to look through my wardrobe only to realise that I had nothing I wanted to wear. All of the dresses I owned were beautiful and expensive and terribly revealing. The last thing I wanted to do was give Grand Admiral Zaarin the wrong idea by wearing a dress that showed more skin than what I usually wore at the office. This had meant a very frantic last minute call to Cati and hours of dress fittings that very same day.

“You know, if you had come to me sooner we could have avoided all of this and I could have designed a dress around the requirements you wanted.” She told me.

“I was rather hoping I could get out of going to the event altogether.” I replied.

She glanced up at me. “On the outs with your gentleman?” she asked.

I shook my head. “No, he’s not here. That’s the problem I have been requested to accompany another. I don’t want to give the wrong impression.”

“I didn’t think you were a Courtesan.” She said, continuing to pin.

“I’m not it’s a business thing. One does not say no to Lord Vader when he gives you a direct order.”

She nodded in agreement then added. “I must admit I was a little surprised to hear from you, it’s been well over a year since you ordered anything from me.”

“Shiv didn’t talk to you about what happened?” I asked, surprised.

She stopped pinning the dress and looked at me. “Siavaan is not my best friend, he is a business associate. He sends girls my way for clothes but he doesn’t buy them himself. We generally don’t talk about personal things, although he did mention you had been through a rough time and were off planet for a while. ”

I sighed and gave her the quick and dirty version of Jyrki’s idea of Fete week fun.

“You were kidnapped?” she asked trying to hide her disbelief, resuming her alterations.

“Yes.”

“By someone you thought was a friend?”

“Yes. Then after that ordeal was over I spent time off planet. I was on Tatooine working from there. People seemed to think this would keep me out of trouble.”

“Did it?”

“No.” I sighed and she just laughed.

“Well, I have to say, Miss Gabriel you are definitely one of my more unusual clients and you do lead an exciting life.”

“Exciting is not exactly the word I would use.” I replied tartly.

She smiled and shrugged. “Yes well, most women would never dream of asking for a dress that makes them look unattractive either, so that does make you unusual.”

“I just don’t want to give this guy any funny ideas.” I snorted.

Cati laughed. “So, you and your gentleman are still friends then?”

I just looked at her for a moment. “Yes, I think so. It’s been over a year since I have seen him but we keep in touch fairly regularly.”

“What does he think of this whole business then? Does he mind you attending the gala event of the season with another man?”

“He doesn’t know, I haven’t actually told him.” I said, and that was true. “It’s complicated, you know?”

“Yes, I see.” She said in a way that said she didn’t think that was a very smart move on my part.

“I don’t think he’ll much care one way or the other. He’s not the possessive type and it is something I am being required to do, it’s not my choice. ” I added wondering who I was trying to convince.

She only answered that with a snort.

“You disagree?”

“He’s a man.” She said by way of answer. “Even if he is not the jealous type, he won’t like being kept in the dark.”

I just made a face and stared glumly at my reflection in the mirror as she finished making the adjustments. Cati was one of the best dress makers I had ever met and there was no way she could make an ugly dress even if she tried. This dress covered me from head to toe. It had a high neck line and long fitted sleeves. No bare skin to be seen, but it fitted perfectly and the soft fabric hugged my body, flaring gently from the hips for movement. It would be a gorgeous dress to dance in. It was the colour of pale moon light and for reasons I could not comprehend it complimented my own skin tone perfectly, making my already deep red hair seem even darker, more vibrant. I sighed; this was not quite the unflattering garment I had had in mind.

“You dislike the dress?” she asked watching my face carefully.

I shook my head. “No, that’s the trouble, it’s stunning. I don’t want to look stunning. This looks like you poured moonlight over me, how do you manage that?”

“Sheer talent.” She just laughed. “I can’t send you to the Imperial Grand Ball in a sack, can I? I do have a reputation to uphold. You said no skin showing, you didn’t say ugly.”

“Next time I will be more specific. I take it there are shoes to match?”

She grinned and vanished for a moment to reappear with a pair of silver, high heeled strappy shoes. Perfect and she laughed even harder as I made a face. “That pendant you wear goes perfectly with the dress. If you have matching Zenji sticks, put your hair up with them and the look will be perfect. Very haughty princess like.” She said. “Very ice queen if that’s the desired effect.”

I just sighed, absently touched the necklace I never took off.

“Not the desired effect? What is it you want to do then?”

“Create disinterest.” I told her as she helped me get out of the now pinned dress.

“I doubt even the ugliest dress in the galaxy would do that.” She chided.

I just made a face and changed back into my street clothes.

“I should have it all ready for you by tomorrow. I can have it delivered in the evening or the day after.”

“Day after is fine. You have the office address yeah?” I asked as I signed the bill.

“Yep.” She grinned. “Can I give you a bit of advice?”

“Always.”

“Tell that gentleman of yours about this date. Men don’t like it when women keep secrets from them, especially there is an attachment. Trust me you’ll be saving yourself a ton of grief.”

She was right and I sighed. “I will tell him, right after the ball so he gets all the gory details, a letter sent now won’t reach him in time anyway. I really do hate these stupid events. ”

She laughed. “No you don’t, you are just missing your favourite partner in crime.” She stopped and gave me a speculative look. “You know, any time you want advice or even just an ear, drop round. I am usually here and always happy to stop for a little break.” She said.

“I might just do that.” I said feeling suddenly grateful.

She just laughed and waved cheerfully as I left.

The Other Side of Grace 3

I surveyed the mess in my living room and then looked at Shiv who just shrugged and smirked.

“You want something to drink?” I asked.

“’Fraid not.” He said. “I need to get in some last minute work before tomorrow, it being a holiday and everything. I guess I don’t need to ask what you’ll be doing.” He told me eyeing the pile of books and holo films that littered about the living room table.

I just laughed. “I still can’t believe he had the whole set of Jeb Holloway books there.”

Shiv shook his head. “I can’t believe he gave you such a good discount, they’re worth a lot.”

“Perks of working for the Empire, I guess.”

Shiv made a face. “Bevin Glack hates the empire but he is a sucker for a pretty face who makes baby bearded jax eyes at him.”

“Oh, you noticed that, did you?”

“You, missy, are a shameless minx who shall come to a nasty end on the wrong side of the planet.” He said in the weirdest attempt at an accent I had ever heard.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” I laughed.

He nodded towards the pile of holo books and films. “Well, read that lot and you will. I gotta run, see you tomorrow for lunch, don’t forget then gang’s all going to be there so be prepared for the inquisition. They are dying to know about everything.”

“Roger that. Thanks Shiv, I had fun this afternoon.”

He smiled and nodded. “Later kiddo,” he said doing his usual kiss, kiss thing. “Don’t stay up all night reading!”

I was still smiling when I locked the door and went back to make tea. In difference to what Shiv thought I actually had other things on my to-do list than read, I had a letter to write.

Mia e’Tekari,
I laughed at your opening paragraph, engine rooms are great places, you know. And you should always listen to the sound of your ship even if you are now some high up admiral who doesn’t have to get his hands dirty with engine grease and hyperdrive fluid. I don’t know that I could ever let someone else control how my ship’s engines ran. That would drive me bats.

You were right in that Lord Vader was not surprised about who and what my birth mother was. In fact he knew her a little, not well enough to make an immediate connection but perhaps on some subconscious level there was recognition. Lord Vader is not a stupid man but sometimes he is quite single minded and he occasionally misses the little details or maybe he just doesn’t care about them that much.

I have been thinking a lot about what you said about this knowledge bringing me closure and to some extent you are right but on the other hand there are still a lot of questions open. I think Navaari would be proud though, I spent a great deal of time on Tatooine talking with my father, really talking, especially after finding out about my birth parents and being banished from Lord Vader’s side. I think, at first he was worried I might try to go off on some half cocked mission to find out more about who my birth mother really was, but I don’t need to do that. Her lightsaber, which she had sent to me via Rikka Blane told me all I needed to ever really know. That’s a force trick, I’ll tell you about later.

I would very much like to learn more about the clone soldiers but I would rather it waited until you were here and not done through letters. I hope you can understand that. I did try to find some information on them here but it is not easy to do and even my clearance doesn’t allow that sort of access and, no I am not about to try slicing the Imperial mainframe. I don’t need Intel breathing down my neck. I have already heard some serious horror stories about Ysanne Isard including a rumour that she had her father framed and executed so she could take his place as Director of Imperial Intelligence. Frankly, she creeps me out, although I suppose that is sort of her job. I have seen and occasionally spoken with her at a couple of the many of the palace events we’ve attended. I think she that she is just more interested in trying to figure out where I fit into the scheme of things than being friendly. So far, I get the feeling she is convinced I am just Lord Vader’s pet office girl and I am, in this case, very happy to play the part. I have heard whispers about what happens to those who get in her way.

I did ask Lord Vader about the possibility that my birth mother had passed along some unusual gifts to me. He told some interesting things. The Jedi, it seemed trained infants by methods that included some sort of mind touch. Melding and shaping the babies’ minds before they could form opinions and attachments of their own, seems a bit creepy if you ask me, but anyway…Lord Vader said that Jedi L’uanna had some seriously powerful gifts in this area and she used to train infants. He said it was possible for her to have somehow passed along knowledge to me. We got to talking about other force gifts and it seems there are many and they vary from person to person and whether or not you are a user of the light side or the dark side. I must admit this light side / dark side thing is confusing. It is so black and white but people are just not like that.

So, according to Lord Vader I have three very strong talents, telepathy, empathy and psychometry. I also have telekinesis, the ability to move objects with thought, but he said that was child’s play for most force users who had any talent at all and I can sometimes step into another’s being’s mind and ‘push’ them a little or a lot depending on how weak minded they are. This is not one of those talents I like to talk about or use, although I have on occasion. There are other abilities that I can learn but I need a teacher who is able to spend time with me and that’s something Lord Vader has very little of these days. The ones I have listed above are the talents I have naturally, that developed on their own without any real training. I do see a difference now from two years ago. Practice and Lord Vader’s teachings have helped me sharpen these skills.

The empathy part you know about, you’ve experienced that. I had thought it was just my ability to feel and sense the emotions of others but apparently it works both ways and I can send as well as receive. Lord Vader suspects this is strong in me because it was something my mother was very good at. It allows me the very handy ability to tell when someone is lying or not. He said this was a useful and somewhat unique little side line.

Telepathy is my second strongest gift and it is often how I and Lord Vader communicate when he doesn’t want to try and sort out my addled descriptions of things. I can send him images, thoughts and words directly into his mind and vice versa and no it’s not always pleasant but it gets the job done fast. I have to be close to him physically to do this, although he tells me that it is possible for someone powerful enough with this gift to hear and send thoughts as far away as across the galaxy. I joked that it was a good thing I wasn’t that strong because I could then bother him all the time, but he didn’t find it all that funny. I truly like working for and with Lord Vader but he has no sense of humour most of the time or maybe it is just that he doesn’t get mine at all.

It was the last and probably the least likable of my own force gifts that we both spent a lot of time talking about, my ability to pick up the memories from an inanimate object. For me this gift is unreliable and frustrating. I simply have no words to describe what it feels like to touch something only to be flooded with memories and emotions that were never mine. It doesn’t happen all the time and the strength of the images, the sensations varies greatly. Mostly, though, it feels like hell. Lord Vader says I really, really need to work on control and practice a lot more. He likened me to an ungrounded power coupling, sending sparks all over the place.

There are many different aspects of the Force and the various powers that go along with it. Lord Vader was in a good mood when we spoke about these things and he gave me some data on the various abilities telling me that perhaps he might be able to help develop some of them, when he does have time. I copied some of the more pertinent data on to the enclosed chip for you, since you asked. Do you have force users among your own people?

I told him about what happened when I held the lightsaber A’kali L’uanna had left for me. He was not surprised that I had learned so much about her from that. She was my birth mother and the connection between us would have been forged probably even before birth. He said while it was very frowned upon there have been Jedi children born and it was noted that the connection between the mother and the babies was often far stronger than that of normal parents with force sensitive children. He was curious about why I had hidden the lightsaber away; I suspect he wanted to see it. I told him I never wanted to ever touch it again as long as I lived. I mean, in the end, it’s not as if I will ever use it as a weapon anyway. He seemed surprised by this but he didn’t force the issue. He doesn’t have this force gift of psychometry so he doesn’t understand what it is like, how awful it really is. I asked my uncle to hide the stupid thing away. I half hope he’ll destroy it but I know him better than that. Anyway, those are my particular force talents. Lord Vader says that had I been found and trained as a Jedi in the days of the Republic I would have been slightly above mediocre. I just laughed when he said that. I could live with being mediocre, after all that generally doesn’t get you killed in the Empire’s service, where as being good at what you do does.

Yesterday, I finished the Hallet Fenbach book you sent, you know the Holloway Era one, Dark is the Lonely Night. I loved it. I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. I had no idea books like this existed to be honest but now I have ‘seen the light’. Did you know, Shiv is a huge fan of this genre and he knew the perfect book shop to visit. He says that the one you sent is in the middle of the whole Hallet series, his Jedi turned detective set and that it probably wasn’t the best example so if I liked it I will love the others. I ended up buying the entire set of Jeb Holloway books, since he was the one who started the whole ‘grime crime’ genre to begin with. Did you know there were holo films made from many of his books? I bought a few of those as well. Shiv was talking about hosting a Holloway theme party. He suggested that if you are on planet I invite you to come along. I told I would pass on the message but I wasn’t sure how many clichés you could handle in one evening. Still, it could be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to seeing the holos myself. I am a big fan of Thaddeus Martin and Xandi Kitt and Shiv says they just spark in the Holloway films. And because I know you’ll ask, my mother was a big fan of both these actors and we had a lot of their films at home. I just don’t remember any of the grime-crime ones.

I promise I won’t start spouting lines that include words such as dastardly rat- bastard, babe-face, sweet-cheeks or mollycoddle. I have no intention of trying gravity defying hair styles, Zenji sticks are hard enough as it is and slinky dresses with thigh revealing sides are not generally my kind of fashion statement…but the stiletto strapped to my thigh? That could be fun and useful considering the last few adventures I have had. I rather like knives and I know how to use them.

Speaking of actresses, Prince Xizor is now dating a famous holo actress by the name of Tylisha Ianko, she starred in the recent set of films based on Pell Norvic’s books, The Black Star and the White Sun trilogy. Apparently she played very hard to get but he won her over anyway. I deal with his office on a fairly regular basis as he and Lord Vader communicate, if you can call it that, on a fairly regular basis. I dislike him intensely. I met him briefly at the very first Grand Ball I attended and it was not a good experience. He apparently has the ability to give off some sort of pheromone that make him irresistible to women cross species and he has a thing for Humans. Personally, I feel that if a man has to use chemical means to attract a girlfriend then he’s probably lacking something in some department some place. Thanks to Shiv I have this bit of information and so every time the prince comes near me I just have to pretend I am smitten and he leaves me alone. He pulled that pheromone trick on me at the grand ball and it was Shiv who saved the day, telling me that Xizor only goes after women he feels are challenging. So by acting like a besotted courtesan I am saving myself a ton of trouble. The man is repulsive, and has the personality of a Mos Espa Junk Dealer. If you ask me he’s got serious issues. I give this relationship a month and a half, just because she is SO famous and he enjoys the lime light.

I was really saddened to hear about your brother. I should imagine that the not knowing what really happened one way or another must be awful. I am sorry if I helped stir up old memories better left alone. I don’t find it strange at all that you would think of family, you spend so much talking to me about mine, comforting me and listening to me, it makes perfect sense you would remember and think of your own. It does make me sad though. I always thought it was amazing the depth and insight you seemed to have on family and loss and now I have a better understanding of why. I am truly sorry. I never had brothers or sisters so I cannot even imagine what such a loss is like.

I think I would be honoured to see some of your sister’s work some day although I would hope that if I ever do have the chance to visit your home world that the welcome would not be too unkind even though I am an outsider. I can’t imagine you as rebellious at all. If you are rebellious then your people must be very… hell, I don’t even have adequate words to describe how they must be. Have I just not seen this rebellious side of you yet or was this a phase you went through as a teenager and I missed it? You know, I never understood xenophobia. I guess that comes from growing up on a planet where the aliens almost out number the humans. We have so much to learn from other cultures, other beings I don’t really get the whole fear thing. I am glad that you are teaching me Cheunh, it is an extraordinary language and my world is richer for the learning of it. I did ask Lord Vader about my ability for languages and he confirmed your thoughts. He also thinks that my ability with them is directly related to my own force abilities but he added that perhaps I also had some natural talent in that area. In the end I don’t care what it is that helps me along with learning other languages. I am just happy to be able to do it.

There is so much more I could babble about, but it is, once again, really late here and I am exhausted, truth be told. It has been a busy week and on top of my crazy work schedual at the moment I have been in some pretty strenuous training sessions. Between the brief moments I get to spend under Lord Vader’s tutelage and the fairly gruelling lessons with my master who is prepping me for the up and coming trials to pass me to the next level, I wonder sometimes how I can actually stay on my feet. I think I mostly owe that to my uncle’s amazing spiced coffee recipe. Once the level trials are over with I am hoping that my routine settles down a little bit although I have heard rumblings from Lord Vader that he would like to have me start accompanying him on board the Executor for some of his longer runs. I won’t complain, my time with him is limited enough as it is. No one, not even I, understands this bond I have with him and I have stopped trying to sort it all out. I only know I am happy when I am on his good side and unhappy when I am on the wrong side of his good grace.

So, I hope that you are well and that Jarack delivers this swiftly. I really think he enjoys the galactic man of mystery thing, to be honest. He’s kind though and his presence is always a sign of something good so I am always happy to see him. I was also glad to read I am not the only one with a certain amount of sentiment that needs to be released every now and then. I was always told as a child that absence makes the heart grow fonder but in truth, I don’t believe that. Absence is a black hole that is sometimes never filled back in when someone you care for is no longer in one’s life. You know and understand this better than most and for that I am grateful.

Mera’ta’llath’Ia,
Merlyn

It always amazed me how quickly time seemed to vanish especially after I had started working for the Empire. My job was interesting and ever changing, Lord Vader was not a boring man to work for. The correspondence between Thrawn and me only served to make my life sweeter and Jarack’s visits became moments of calm in the storms that whirled about the day to day life of Vader’s pet office girl, as I had become known. It was a peculiar thing to be working inside the Imperial machine. Out on the Rim the Empire was just a name, a faceless government that cared little for the affairs of people so far away from the central core. Tatooine was ruled by the Hutts not the Imperials. Stormtroopers did not instil fear on the people of my home world, Jabba and his minions did. I was starting to see that it actually didn’t matter where one lived. It was a trade off, really, one sort of dictator for another, one set of rules for another. The uniforms of the beings that did the dirty work for those in charge changed but the actions remained the same. My father wrote regularly about life in Mos Eisley and his latest letter talked about the recent fifteen percent increase in consumption taxes that the Imperial economic advisor, Pinac Galous had announced a few weeks prior. The reason for the tax hike was the increase in rebel activities which had created a rise in raw material cost. My father was annoyed that now ship’s parts would be even more costly and difficult to come by than they had previously.

…I wonder if these rebels have any idea of the chaos they are unleashing by attacking the current regime? It seems to me that there is an element of selfishness wrapped up in this cause and it is not as if the Empire itself is actually that bad, or do we out here just not see into the deeper workings? Was it not your Captain Thrawn who pointed out that the Empire is merely a system of government and as a rule there will always be those who oppose and wish to change said government? He is right, the same could be said about this planet, there are many here who would wish to see the Hutts long gone, but the question that always remains is what do you replace the government you have ousted with? The Captain had some interesting things to say on this topic while he was here; I think you had gone back to the bay to finish working on your ship and missed this part of the conversation. Needless to say this new tax hike will have some dire consequences for us out here and I am betting that smuggling will rise dramatically which will make life interesting…

My father was right and smuggling, according to the latest internal report that crossed my desk was up and an increase in patrols had been called for, not that this would do any good mind you. I was surprised to read that Imperial Customs Captain, Dalea Trovin had managed to uncover a large raw materials smuggling ring that had been using Brentaal as a base of operations. Usually the smugglers were always one step ahead of the rest of the galaxy. I was torn, I had worked with smugglers on their ships from time to time and part of me had a tendency to romanticise their crazy life style. I suppose that was to be expected, on Tatooine smugglers were the unofficial heroes, doing the impossible against all odds. This was an opinion I kept to myself though, I was certain that most of the Imperials I worked for would not agree at all. So I made the appropriate noises of disapproval when the topic came up with others but secretly smiled at the boldness of the rogues on the Rim. It was easy to forget that these rogues were dangerous and that everything they did had consequences.

Jarack strolled into the office almost exactly at eleven o’clock and he looked tired. It had been almost four weeks since I had last talked to him. I signed for the courier pouch and then asked if he wanted something to drink. For the first time since I had met him he did not refuse the offer of a cup of spiced coffee and he sat down as though it had been the first moment of rest he had had in a long time.

“I don’t mean to pry, but you look like bantha poodoo, is everything alright?” I asked as I handed him a large cup.

He accepted it with a wan smile. “It’s been a busy time but nothing to worry about; I’ll catch up on sleep when I get back onboard my ship.” I looked at him carefully and he, in turn noted my scrutiny. “Ask your question, Miss Gabriel. I don’t bite.”

“Admiral Thrawn said that you do this letter delivery thing as a favour, so I just wonder what it is you really do. Are you a spy for him or something?”

For a moment he just looked at me and then he smiled. “One of the first things the Admiral told me when I offered to do this letter delivery thing for him was ‘be warned the young lady is blessed with an over abundance of tenacious curiosity.’ I see he was not exaggerating. No ma’am, I am not a spy, although I am in the information business and yes, I pass along his and your mail as a favour. I’ve known the Admiral for a long time now and I guess you could say I owe him my life.”

“An over abundance of tenacious curiosity?” that sure sounded like Thrawn’s words.

“Yes, ma’am that is exactly how he put it.” He grinned.

“Well, the Admiral is certainly gifted with a profuse desire to shower everyone with his superfluous verbiage.” I said a tad more tartly than I meant to.

Jarack laughed so suddenly I thought he was going choke but he recovered nicely. “I am quite certain the Admiral will enjoy hearing that.” Then he changed the topic quickly and added. “May I say, you make amazing spiced coffee.”

“My uncle Vahlek’s recipe, he calls it the Akosh Sacred Spice Secret. I am sworn never to give it out to anyone.” I said.

Jarack raised an eyebrow. “Vahlek Akosh? The Vahlek Akosh is your uncle?”

“You know him?”

He shook his head. “By reputation only. I wasn’t aware he had any living family, though.”

“Well, I am not a blood relative, he is my Dajdofa guardian and how do you know of him?”

Jarack drew a deep breath and studied my face very carefully for a moment. “Really, well that is interesting?” I noticed he had not answered my question and something about his manner told me not to press or ask.

I frowned. “Why is that interesting?”

“Men like Akosh generally do not attach themselves in such a manner and Dajdofa guardianship is for life.” Jarack said.

I sighed. “I don’t really understand.”

He looked at me for a moment then said quietly. “No, I am certain you do not.” He did not elaborate and the look on his face told me that part of our conversation had ended. He finished his coffee and set the cup on the table by the chair. “I must be on my way, deadlines to meet and I am certain that the Admiral will be waiting for this.” He said getting up. He turned to leave but then turned back to face me. “You know, when the Admiral first asked me to play post boy, especially as a favour, I was a bit surprised. He never struck me as a man who attached himself to any one person, always kept himself to himself as a rule but not so with you. Then again, you are not at all what you appear to be, are you?”

I stared at him for a moment. “You know, if I knew what it was I appeared to be then maybe I could answer that and if I had a credit chip for everyone who said those words I wouldn’t need to work any more.” I retorted.

He barked a shot sharp laugh. “Perhaps it’s good that you don’t know and can’t answer that.” he smiled. “See you next time, thanks for the coffee.”

“Anytime.” I said and watched as he left. I looked at the courier package and made a face as I heard the words over abundance of tenacious curiosity echo in my head. I set the package aside, slipping it into the drawer of my desk and got back to work. I was grateful for my job because it was the one thing that distracted me from all the strange little mysteries that had piled up in my life. My uncle Vahlek was slowly rising to the top of this list.

I yawned and poured myself another cup of spice coffee. Jarack was not the only one who was tired except my reason was too much partying Imperial style. Most of the time I tried to avoid the social functions if I could but sometimes even that was impossible and if Lord Vader said go, well I attended dressed appropriately either at his side or with Shiv at mine. Last night’s event was quite unlike anything I had ever seen before and at Lord Vader’s insistence I had remained until he had been ready to leave.

It was a busy time in the office and Lord Vader was in and out a lot. As usual, when he was about so everyone else needed to see him. Although he had a personal protocol droid who was supposed to take care of his minor appointments and an aide de camp for military things, most people preferred to come and bother me to arrange an audience with the Dark Lord. This included people like Demetrius Zaarin. The Grand Admiral had been a frequent visitor to my office since I had returned. Although his reasons for stopping by were always plausible and official I never quite trusted them or him. He often tried to engage me in conversation but I didn’t feel that chatty with him.

He was a heavy set, older man with a thick neck and a strong, square jaw. He was not quite as tall, his shoulders not quite as broad and nor was he as slender as Thrawn but he kept himself in decent shape unlike some of the other Grand Admirals who had trouble still fitting into their uniforms and had to suck in their abundant bellies every time a pretty courtesan passed by. He had wavy brown hair that was silver at the temples and cut in a regulation military style. It made his lined face seem harder and older. He almost never smiled and when he did the smile never reached his deep hazel coloured eyes. Everything about him bespoke of a man who was quite used to getting what he wanted and not used to hearing the word no. I had said no to him far too many times and he was more than annoyed with me. Thrawn had warned me to watch my back with this man because he was quite brilliant and powerful and didn’t like not getting what he wanted.

“I see, Miss Gabriel that the Emperor’s Iron Fist keeps you as busy as ever.” He was good at making polite banter.

“Lord Vader is a busy man, Grand Admiral Zaarin. If he is busy then so am I, truth be told this is a good thing.” I said lightly, wishing the man would just go away.

“Oh, why is that?”

“Busy means I have a job.” I replied lightly.

He laughed. “You know, Lord Vader tells me that you are quite the mechanic.”

I raised an eyebrow. “His praise is too kind.” The sarcasm was lost on the man leaning on my desk.

Zaarin laughed even harder. “The word kind and Lord Vader do not belong in the same sentence, dear. I can see why Admiral Thrawn enjoys your company, you are very amusing.” He paused for a few seconds to see if I would rise to the bait and when I didn’t he continued. “Perhaps you will make it out to the facility to see what we are doing, I am sure you will be impressed by the improvements we are making to the current ship designs.”

“If Lord Vader allows it, I would be delighted.” I told him, knowing full well that chances were good Lord Vader would not allow it. As I understood it what went on at that particular facility was top secret.

Grand Admiral Zaarin merely smiled and continued with his banter until Lord Vader was ready to see him. Zaarin was the last appointment of the day and I was grateful when Lord Vader brushed his mind to mine and told me I could go, his exact words being more along the lines of 'I have no further use for you today, you may go away and amuse yourself.' So, I went home with Thrawn’s latest missive tucked under my arm. I set it on the counter and changed into my exercise clothes then slipped quietly into the training room where Master Kjestyll was waiting for me. I started to apologise for being late but he waved at me to stop. He knew what my schedule was like when Lord Vader was around and knew there was not much I could do about it.

Four hours of training and a long hot bath later I was curled up on my couch with a cup of tea and a letter from the one Imperial Admiral I was always happy to hear from.


A’mia Tekari,

I hope that this letter finds you happy and well. Yours arrived three days ago and it was a bright spot on a fairly dull day. I fear that to the outside observer the life of an Imperial Officer seems glamorous and full of excitement but you and I both know that could not be further from the truth. For the past week we have been meandering, I suppose is the best way to put it, around the edge of the Outer Rim in the Unknown Regions. I am hopeful that in six months or so we might be headed back to the Core. While I enjoy what I am doing, I also look forward to some time planet side as well. At least I will not have to spend the first week back catching up on what has been happening. Were it not for you, I would be so far behind on the gossip and stories of Coruscant’s rich and infamous that I could not show my face in court. Where do you get all this nonsense from? Siavaan, I am betting, has a lot to do with it.

I could not, however, help but laugh at your somewhat apt description of Prince Xizor’s prowess with women. I wasn’t aware that he used pheromones to seduce unsuspecting young ladies such as yourself and I am indebted to Siavaan for rescuing you, no wonder you were so unhappy that evening. You do seem to attract the sharks. I am still entertaining the thought of chaining you to your desk under the watchful eye of a garrison of Stormtroopers. You have an amazing habit of inviting the worst sort of trouble.

My dear, I truly understand your desire to talk rather than read about the Clone Soldiers and the war they fought. I imagine this subject is quite difficult for you. I also understand your desire to stay out of Isard’s way, please do. She is a dangerous, ambitious woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. So I would take it as a kindness if you would avoid getting on her bad side. I doubt though that she truly believes you are a simply Lord Vader’s pet office girl, she knows better than most that Lord Vader would not keep you about or so close at hand (most of the time) unless there was something extraordinary about you. Those whispers you have heard about what happen to those who get in her way, including the tales about her father, are more than just whispers.

The information you sent on the various force powers and gifts was incredibly helpful. The Chiss have never, to the best of my knowledge, produced a force user of any kind. While we are not a people who have been able to use this power we are certainly not immune to it. Once before, when I was considerably younger I was given the opportunity to experience what I believe Lord Vader called force choke. It was a most unpleasant sensation. Your delightful gift of empathy has a far more pleasant effect and one day I hope we can explore this to its fullest extent. Lord Vader’s description of you as an ungrounded power coupling is not so far from the truth. I am curious if you have ever tried to use your telepathy on me? If so I have never noticed. Does it work on those who are not in tune with the force? I feel it would be to my advantage to know everything I can about this Force and all the implications that goes with it.

That Siavaan was a fan of the Grime-crime genre somehow does not surprise me, however, that you would become so enamoured by it does, just a little bit. I have not read the entire Holloway series but I am told he was the best. I am sure you will regale me enthusiastically with all the gory details of your newfound passion and when I return perhaps you will allow me to borrow your books. I find the idea of a party themed around this topic a little unnerving, as you say I am uncertain as to how many clichés I could handle in one evening although I assure you I am a good deal tougher than you seem to give me credit for.

Tad Martin and Xandi Kitt were among the greatest actors of their time, if I remember correctly. Popular culture is not as high on my list of studies as a fine art, but I do keep an open mind and ear. Your mother was quite eclectic in her tastes and I see that she has passed that along to you. I shall hold you to your promise of not spouting clichéd lines from your latest influence and I believe you when you say that Zenji sticks are difficult to use, not, mind you, that I have any practical experience in that particular department. I do wonder though, if I should have to frisk you for concealed and illegal weaponry when I return. Ladies with sharp objects are remarkably dangerous especially when they actually know what they are doing with them.

It delights me to no end that you are not only becoming quite proficient in Cheunh but that you truly enjoy it as well. So few of your kind actually even bother to inquire about it let alone wish to learn it and it is I who am indebted to you not the other way around. It allows me to share with you a part of myself that has long been tucked away and kept from sight simply due to the inability for self expression in the language that is my own. Perhaps your world is indeed richer for the learning of it but I assure you mine is all the more enriched by your enthusiasm and desire.

Thank you for your kind words regarding the loss of my brother. It seems strange to me to even bring up his name in a world where no one knew of him at all. He was a very good man and, as with all things, one only realises what one no longer has after it is irretrievably gone. Brothers and sisters enrich one’s life greatly in ways I have no ability to properly express. Unlike parents they are partners in crime for small mischiefs accomplished, the keeper of secrets and best friends who are unafraid to tell you on no certain terms when they think you have screwed up, yet they will come dashing in to your rescue when no one else will. I had always thought that Thrass lacked my ability to over step convention. He tended to play most things by the book but he had skills which I did not and now I miss those things, I miss conversing with him and hearing his thoughts. As you said, some wounds are never truly healed and for me this is one of them. To the casual observer the Chiss, as a rule, can seem very cold hearted and calculating. We are an aloof, proud people who do not like showing our emotions but I can tell you that underneath this veneer this is not always the case. I cannot tell you the number of times Thrass ‘looked after me’ or did his best to sort things out and save me from getting into trouble. While this used to annoy the hell out of me, in the end I see now that it was love and a desire to protect something, someone he held very dear. How do you replace this when it is no longer there? How do you fill in the empty space left behind? My dear, while you did not grow up with siblings you have experienced such great losses in your own life that I know when I speak of these things, you will understand. This gives me some measure of comfort and I am thankful.

My sister took his disappearance very hard. She was still in her early teens when it happened and a small part of her blames me, which she is right to do. I set into motion events which led to his demise and while she still clings to some faint tiny hope that he lives, I know in my heart he does not. She and Thrass were very close, he was incredibly protective of her and she adored him, as a little sister with an elder brother should do. The last time we spoke about it, it was painful and we fought because neither of us was able to see beyond our own pain. Her loss and my guilt have created a wall that has divided us and I don’t know how to break through it. There are only so many times one can utter the word sorry before it becomes meaningless and empty. We both dealt with Thrass’s disappearance from our lives in vastly different ways. Hers was far more creative and I still get chills when I see the paintings she produced stemming from her grief. Mine was to walk away from it and concentrate on my career but in the end, as you know so well, one can never escape one’s past and eventually it will return to haunt you until you deal with it. You need not apologise though, for talking about these things. It is not your words that stir up old ghosts, but the ghost themselves who wish to be heard. I am grateful in more ways than I can express. It is a rare gift to have someone with whom I can speak about these things to. Like you, I do not make close friends easily and in my service to the Empire confidents of this nature are non existent. You, sj’iu tekari are a treasure to me and have done nothing you need to apologise for.

That you have not seen my more outgoing side is of no surprise. My rebelliousness is of a subtle nature. My people’s rebellious nature is non existent. The Chiss love the safety net of rules, regulations, and traditions, hence the reason I am here working for the Empire and not with the CEDF as I used to be, a long story I promise one day to tell you.

On this note I am afraid I must end this letter. I reiterate that you should not stay up late writing to me at the cost of your health especially if you are to under go some sort of physical trial for your mysterious martial arts. What pray tell does this involve? You really aught to take better care of yourself, I would prefer to come back to Coruscant knowing that you were healthy and vibrant and not in a med clinic somewhere suffering the ill effects of exhaustion or worse.

Do give my regards to Siavaan and let me know should he actually follow through with his dastardly plan for infesting the Imperial Center with influx of Grime Crime via the means of a theme party; Fore warned is fore armed.

Ilath’mera’talashti’Ia
Mitth’raw’nuruodo


I sat with his letter in my hand for a long time and eventually fell asleep on the couch only to wake up at the crack of dawn with a painful crick in my neck. This was not the first time, nor would it be the last time that I had not even made it to my bed to sleep. Working for the Empire was playing havoc on my life, or maybe it was the other way around.

The Other Side of Grace 2

Thrawn’s latest letter had arrived on my desk just before I was already to go home and relax from what had been a really hectic day. There were lots of crazy appointments that Lord Vader had suddenly decided to cancel and needed them to be rescheduled as well as some rather heated arguments about certain deliveries he wanted made sooner than the original deadline given. I had spent most of my day pretty much trying not to shout at everyone I spoke to and it was one of those days where even invoking Lord Vader’s name did not help the process any. I was so looking forward to the holiday, Tapani day, coming up in a week’s time.

Being busy kept my mind off being maudlin. I sorely missed my family and my home but most of the time I was just too inundated with work to think about it. Lord Vader, it seemed, had decided that he would make full use of my talents as his go-to girl and things had never been so hectic as they now were. Or maybe, I had thought ruefully one day, he was actually punishing me in a more cruel and unusual manner than before, making him far more subtle than I had ever given him credit for being. I didn’t really mind though, it felt good to be needed even if it was in that typical Lord Vader shouty, unappreciated way. I got a certain amount of satisfaction knowing I was good at my job and that he relied upon me to get things done. Of course it also made my chances of being killed due to failure somewhat greater but every job comes with risks.

Jarack came into the office just as I was starting to lose my cool with a droid manufacturer and he watched with a bemused smile on his face as I dealt with this latest catastrophe in the saga of droid engineers. I had been doing almost the exact same thing the last time I had seen him and it was ironically funny. Lord Vader went through droid manufacturers and engineers the way courtesans changed clothes. His big thing at the moment was a new sort of probe droid. This would be the thirteenth one in two weeks who had essentially signed his own death warrant. I waved at Jarack who, as always waited until I was finished with the holo conversation I was having.

“Afternoon, Miss Gabriel.” he grinned. “I see it’s business as usual, today.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I honestly don’t get why people think they can fight Lord Vader on anything. It just makes him cross and that usually results in someone dying. It simply isn’t good for business.”

He laughed. He had a nice laugh, rich and warm. In the time he had started taking care of the letters that Thrawn and I wrote to each other I developed a certain connection to him. He was a quiet man in his mid to late thirties, with silver grey hair ever so slightly longer than regulation allowed and a neatly trimmed beard and moustache. His eyes were a strange silvery colour that almost matched his hair and they were intense sometimes to look at. I was quite sure that if he had ever worked as an interrogator of any kind his victims would have cowered immediately after being stared at for any length of time. I was curious enough to wonder about what it was he really did and polite enough not to ask. I am certain he knew this and it amused him greatly.

“I heard a whisper that the Admiral might actually be returning to the core worlds sometime in the near future.” I said as I signed for the bulky envelope.

He smiled. “There may indeed be some truth to that rumour but I can neither confirm nor deny it.”

“I guess that would mean I will see less of you and you get a break from playing postman.”

He just shrugged ever so slightly. “Perhaps, but I rather enjoy the smile I get when I walk in through your door, most people who see me come into a room do not smile like that, they generally do not smile at all. This is one of my more pleasant duties, shall we say?” he said.

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask what else he did but he shook his head almost imperceptibly and I just nodded. “Next time you see the Admiral, say hullo for me?”

“I always do, Miss and it always makes him smile even though he tries his best not to show it.”

“Thanks Jarack.” I said. He had long ago, on several occasions told me not to call him Commander Behl but my request that he call me Merlyn had fallen on deaf ears; he always called Miss, ma’am or Miss Gabriel and I had given up trying to make him stop.

“Will you be needing me to come by tomorrow?” he asked.

I took a look at the bulkiness of the courier package and shook my head. “No, I have a late night ahead of me and I think this will take longer to answer. I’ll send a message, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, you know the drill. Till next time, then. ” He said with a wink and vanished, leaving me to open the latest surprise from Thrawn. I looked inside and smiled, then tucked it all away until it was time to go home. Work came first and I still had some shouting to do. Not for the first time did I wonder if I should start wearing clothes fashioned after Lord Vader’s own outfit, maybe that would get better results.

In the quiet of my flat, curled up on the most comfortable of chairs, with a cup of tea in hand I sat down to read the letter Thrawn had written. As always, it was almost as if he were sitting across from me talking. If I closed my eyes I could picture him, his hands gesturing to help articulate his point, his eyes flashing and his smile. Of course closing my eyes to conjure his image did not help me read his words.


A’mia Tekari,

I am currently sitting in the quiet of my quarters and we have crept into the first hour of the graveyard watch. I am certain you know this time well, the quiet time when things seem to have completely calmed down. It never ceases to amaze me that although there is no day or night in space, humans cling to some sort of internal clock. This watch time is for some reason, always the most serene. The ship’s engines hum quietly in the background and as I sit here in the relative silence listening to them, I am sharply reminded of you. Ever since the incident with the Ahnkeli’ Su’udelma’s hyperdrive I have been far more aware of the sounds of engines than I previously was. You have no idea how far reaching your influence is, my dear.

I am truly glad you enjoyed the flowers. I had suspected that you might feel a little down coming back to a planet you do not like very much. While I know you are happy to be back in Lord Vader’s, dare I say this, good graces, leaving your home world after such a long visit will have been hard. I remember how difficult it was for you the last time to say goodbye to your family when we were both there. Now, I imagine that leaving takes on extra significance since you know that you were born there and it truly is your home.

It seems that I have become accustomed to your evasiveness when something is on your mind and have developed almost a sixth sense for it. There is no spying involved just an ability to read between the banter and as you would say, cut to the chase. I did not, however, anticipate your news and I quite honestly don’t know how to respond to it. I will tell you this, you need never apologise for not telling me something personal which troubles you. I only ask because I know that often in your case, it helps to talk and because sometimes I worry you might explode from all the secrets you keep locked away inside that beautiful head of yours.

This news must have been quite a shock for you. If I read between the lines correctly, it sounded to me as though it was delivered in a fairly abrupt and unexpected manner. I do not pretend to even begin to understand what you must have thought, what you must have gone through when you learned the truth of everything. I wonder though, if it brings some sort of closure for you in some ways, allowing you to move forward by answering questions that, while you have never voiced them, must have certainly been on your mind.

I must tell you that in all honesty I am not so surprised to learn that you are the offspring of a Jedi. Your particular talents and gifts should, I believe, have made this obvious to those who knew what to look for. I dare say Lord Vader was not at all shocked by it and it might go a long way to answering your questions about why he and the Emperor have a vested interest in training you and keeping you close to their court.

I do understand that you find all of this information unnerving and difficult to deal with but that will change in time. Certainly, when I return to Coruscant I would love to hear your thoughts on it all. I imagine that you would also benefit from having someone neutral in this matter to talk with. I laughed at your somewhat apt description of your life. It does indeed have many of the elements of a crazy holo story, except it is, in your case, all true. I doubt very much though that everyone is related to everyone else and I certainly hope that we do not all die horribly in the end. Life can get very complicated if you let it, although, to my way of thinking, in many ways, this information has simplified yours a great deal. While you rarely ever spoke of it, I know that the question of where you came from burned in your heart, even Kirja’navaar’inkjerii was concerned for you about this weight you carried. Now that you know the whole truth perhaps you understand better the reasons your adoptive parents kept it from you as long as they did. Maybe now you can even forgive them a little for keeping such terrible secrets.

That you are the offspring of a Jedi will no doubt raise a few eyebrows considering their somewhat restrictive ideas on relationships, but during times of conflict it should not be such a huge surprise. There were many rumours of pairings between clone soldiers and women during the Clone wars. No matter what, biological nature is hard to override and during times of great stress and war the need to copulate and procreate is very strong, especially amongst humanoids. I imagine that your birth mother might have had more difficulties with the situation as it went against the Jedi code of non attachment, every thing she would have been taught from an early age. It was sobering to read that it was probably the man who fathered you that hunted and killed her. This leads me to suspect that he was, as you surmised, most likely a Commander. I wonder if he had, like so many others, taken a name on for himself and if it is perhaps possible to find out exactly who he was.

During that time, the armies of the republic were cloned on Kamino and the genetic source was a man who originally came from a planet called Concord Dawn. I don’t know if you are aware of this or not but his native language was Mando’a, or Mandalorian as it is sometimes known as. I guess this would help to clear up one more little mystery about you, although how you would automatically know this language is beyond me. Perhaps some trick of your birth mother’s? Maybe something she was able to pass on to you through the force? Lord Vader might be a better person to clear that question up for you.

I have a lot of information on the Clone wars and the clone armies raised by the Kaminoans. The history of this time period fascinates me and I did some digging underneath the propaganda that is readily available. Clones have many uses as well as many problems. The Kaminoans were able to very successfully raise huge armies of very capable soldiers in fairly short periods of time. Of course, I have my own reasons for being interested in clones and all the issues this particular aspect of science and technology raises. I must admit you bear no physical resemblance to the images of the clones that I have seen, but from what I have read of them you do have some of their traits such as loyalty, tenacity and bravery. I suspect you have inherited your wilful stubbornness from your mother. You can let me know if you want more information and I will see what I can do.

The planet in the Gradilis sector is indeed ideal for my, how did you put it, secret and nefarious plans. Where do you come up with these terms, my dear? I think you are covertly reading far too many trashy space detective stories from the Jeb Holloway era. Next you will be calling me a dastardly rat bastard, start wearing your hair in inexplicable, gravity defying coifed styles, slinky silk dresses sexily slit up to your hip and a nasty little stiletto blade strapped to your thigh. While this image is most appealing for a number of reasons, I beg you not to try it for real.

There was no veiled secrecy nor were there any tests of your ability to see into my secret plot, not that I have one. There really is nothing much to say about what we are doing out here. The Emperor wished to learn more about these unexplored areas of space, perhaps for possible expansion or so that he has a better idea of what possible enemies or allies are out here. I assure you there is no brilliant and nefarious plan in the works, at least not yet at any rate.

Thank you for the information you sent, it is most useful and exactly what I was hoping for. You are, as Lord Vader says, quite resourceful. Your ‘boss’ and I are conferring on a plan, still in the initial planning stages but he seems open to this idea and I, we, may yet call on you for further help. I would prefer for the time being you do not bring your uncle into it; the less people involved who can connect dots the better.

I am afraid I do not have all that much in the way of exciting news to tell you. It has been quiet here for the last week or so. Our advances in this region have been remarkable but sometimes it is just space with not much in between. My brother used to call it the Great Black. He was drawn to space, even as we were small children he knew that he would serve in the Chiss equivalent of the Imperial Navy. As small boys we used to play at being star fighter pilots. We must have driven our parents mad with our non stop chatter of space and ships.

It’s odd, I don’t think of Thrass that often. It has been a long time since he was reported MIA and I am certain he is no longer alive but of course no one knows this for sure. I do not often let sentiment interfere with my work but all this talk of family brings these memories up and at this moment I find myself missing him. I wonder what he would have made of you. I can almost hear his voice telling me that getting involved with someone not of our kind will only serve to make me even more unpopular than I already am with my people. Rest assured popularity was never high on my list of things I considered important. My younger sister, on the other hand, would most likely see this as a good thing. She enjoyed my rebellious side and in many ways takes after me on this. Unlike Thrass and me, she did not become involved in the military and was taken on by one of the artistic families. She is a very talented artist in her own right and perhaps some day I will be able to show you some of her works. She has recently had a piece admitted to the U’kalleyj’ann Art Gallery’s permanent collection. This is one of the main art galleries in the capitol city of Csaplar. I am, needless to say, quite proud of her accomplishments. I think that should the two of you ever meet, you would get along well. You have a surprising amount in common.

The Chiss produce extraordinary works of art, typical of a people such as mine, but few outsiders ever get to see or experience them. In some respects I find it a little sad that, on the whole, they tend to be fairly xenophobic and somewhat close minded on the subject of off worlders. There would be those of my people who would be furious at me for teaching you Cheunh. It is not the first time I have shared knowledge of my language with outsiders and I don’t know that it would be the last. I feel that it is vital to be able to communicate properly with other species and in order to learn about their culture learning the language is first and foremost a must. You already understand this so really I am preaching to the converted. I truly look forward to speaking with you in Cheunh and seeing how far you have progressed in the pronunciation department. I hope that the data I provided you with has proven helpful there and not just for writing.

I have to admit your talent with speaking my language astonishes me. For some reason humans seem to have great difficulty with some of the more complex sounds, particularly the soft palate sch and the tj sound made with tongue and teeth. I wonder if this gift you have for languages is not somehow tied up in your own force talents. Admittedly, I know a lot less about all the particulars of the Force and all the gifts associated with it than I should like, perhaps this is an area you can help me out with. I am quite certain that given the two mentors you have in this arena, you could find out a lot more about it. In the mean time I shall continue to nudge you in the direction of fluent Cheunh and hope that you do not get too bored along the way. Speaking of which I did find the data you sent on Huttese very helpful. You are right in your assessment of the language, it is very brash and somewhat uncouth but considering the species it comes from this is not too big of a surprise.

As something to help you while away your free time, I am sending you a holo book I just finished. I think you might enjoy it. It is a trashy space detective novel set in the Holloway era, I kid you not. It was sitting in the common room and one of the junior officers recommended it. I must admit I was a bit taken aback but he was quite passionate about the whole “grime crime” genre. I feel it is important to try to make some effort to understand the men serving under me so I read it. To my surprise, aside from the awful clichés and terribly dated dialogue, I found it enjoyable. Of course you are much too young to know anything about the fad of Jeb Holloway, but I hope that doesn’t stop you from enjoying the book anyway. It is not to be taken too seriously. I am hoping at some point to find you some books in Cheunh but they are more difficult to come by so you will have to be content with my letters as practice until I can get my hands on some.

My dear, I am quite flattered that you stay up until the small hours of the night writing to me, but really you should get some sleep. Jarack or one of his people would not mind if you rescheduled a pick up. He is paid to be both efficient and secretive. That is part of his job. I have known him for some time now, he was one of the best in his year at the Academy and as a commando he was part of an elite group of men I felt could be utilised in far better ways. Do not be fooled by the fact that he delivers my letters to you and vice versa, that is a side line or perhaps better to say a great favour he does for me. As to your question about the types of male attention you attract, I can only speculate on why men of mystery, as you call them, would be attracted to your side but I am certain that were I to utter what I think it would earn me a projectile of some sort being flung in my general direction or worse.

Sj’iu tekari, I am indeed aware that it has been almost a year since I last had the delightful pleasure of conversing with you face to face, a most enjoyable past time I might add. I treasure these moments in my mind and heart. I do not think that it is maudlin or girly to tell someone you miss them especially when time and distance create a void that is hard to fill. I must admit, I find the knowledge that my absence is a gap in your life is oddly gratifying. Your affections are precious to me, surprising as that may sound. Now who is being sentimental? On that terribly mawkish note I should end this particular train of thought.

The next time you talk with or write to Bel please send her my regards. She was a little worried you might not like it if I wrote to or sent her articles on art, but I get the feeling you are actually happy when you see others you care about being made happy. Envy is a remarkably useless emotion that serves no purpose what so ever. I think that your upbringing on that unpleasantly warm sandbox must have been to say the least, interesting and that you were surrounded by even more diverse and intelligent people cannot be a coincidence. After all you have been through in the last two years this family of yours must be a great source of balance and comfort for you. If I can repay their kindness to me for the hospitality shown when we were there briefly I will not hesitate to do so. And if it also means I have found a reprieve from Bel’s poking then I am truly thankful. Now, I am afraid I really must end this letter as I need to get to the bridge and deal with some issues that have arisen. How is that saying, No rest for the wicked? Take care of yourself and stay out of trouble.

Ilath’mera’talashti’Ia
Mitth’raw’nuruodo


Of all the people I both dreaded and longed to see when I returned to Coruscant, Master Kjestyll was at the top of my list. I had tried to keep up with my studies in the Bunduki arts but it had been hard to maintain a serious and regular training schedule of any kind, until the day I learned that uncle Vahlek was an excellent sparring and training partner. Mostly I was on my own.

Two days upon returning my uncle’s home, after the fight with Lord Vader I had woken up from a bad dream only to realise I wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep. It was early, pre dawn and I had decided that instead of tossing and turning in bed it would be far more productive to work out, maybe even work through some of the demons that tormented me.

Outside the air had still been cool and only the faint lightening of the sky hinted at the coming dawn. I loved this time of day. It was as close to absolute peace as I ever got. Dressed in clothes I could easily move in I began to go through the warm up lessons I had been taught and before long had lost myself in the beauty of the movements that Master Kjestyll worked so hard with me to get right. I neither noticed the light in the sky or that at some point my uncle had woken up, made himself tea and had gone looking for me. He sat on the front steps of the house and watched in silence as I worked through the basic forms slowly, then began the more complex patterns and combinations, dancing in the sand He had not said a word until I stopped to catch my breath. By this time the first rays of Tatoo I were snaking their way across the ground.

We just started at each other for a moment and then after he had sipped at the last of his tea he had said. “You have been well taught by a master very proficient in the form of cho-dhi.”

“Cho-dhi?” I had asked as I’d followed him inside and gratefully accepted the cup of tea he had poured me.

He’d nodded. “The style of Bunduki combat you use is known as cho-dhi, it means something along the lines of invisible edge. It is one of the more subtle styles and you are very good.”

I had sipped my tea and regarded my uncle for a moment then asked. “How do you know this, Zte’sa?”

He had smiled. “Evidence of a misspent youth.” He had told me. “My father’s way of quelling my rebellious nature as a very small boy was to send me off to a well renowned and quite prominent business man, Yacoub Magdi-Zatteri to work in his gardens as punishment. What my father did not know is that this man was also a Bunduki master among other things. I used to watch him go through the slow kata forms every day at dawn while I started my work in the gardens. I would try to emulate him in secret but he was no fool, he caught me at it. He made a deal with me, if I would tend to his garden to the best of my abilities and he would teach me this art form to the best of his. I worked in those gardens for nearly seven years and every day he taught me this beautiful martial art.”

“Why did you stop?”

“Master Zatteri was killed, assassinated in his garden by twelve men. It was a beautiful summer’s day.” He had told me, the sadness in his voice made me sorry I had asked.

“Why?”

“He was a man with many enemies. I never knew the exact reason for this at the time but I swore I would avenge his death. That day changed my life forever.”

“You were there when it happened?”

He’d nodded. “Tried to save him, tried to help but they were too many and they were too well trained and I was just a young boy. One of them knocked me unconscious and when I came to my master was dead along with ten of his attackers. I will spare you the details but it wasn’t pretty. I had just turned thirteen. ”

I had looked at him for a moment wondering if I should ask the next question or not. “Did you ever find the other two?”

“I did. It took a long time and I was much older and far more experienced.” He looked at me for a moment with his pale green eyes and then had said, “And to answer your next question, yes. I killed them both and did not regret it.” He had given me a small, tight smile. “His teachings were just the beginning for me, after his death I sought others who would teach me, I eventually ended up on Anzat and learned many valuable lessons under the watchful eye of Akku Seii. Still I never forgot my first Master I ever had. His life, his death shaped what I became, much as your does to you now. Treasure your time with him, lei’lei.” He had toyed with his tea cup. “The way you move, reminds me of my first master. The one who is teaching you is very good. I see the same grace in your actions.” We had just looked at each other for a moment and I felt him testing me to see whether or not the news that he had killed changed how I saw him. It didn’t. Perhaps two years ago it might have but not any more. I had not looked away from his gaze and after a few moments he had nodded in acknowledgment of my acceptance. I had passed his test.

“How long were you on Anzat, Zte’sa?” I had asked after a long silence. Anzat was a strange planet out in the Mid Rim. Not much was known to me about it and no one ever went there, but I had heard stories from some of the spacers and pilots about it, none of them good.

He had regarded me for a moment with his eerie pale green eyes. “Too long.” There was finality in his voice that begged for me not to push. He sounded weary.

I had sighed. “I miss him, my Master, he is gentle and kind but firm as well. When everything else around me feels like it’s going to hell in a sand cart he is refuge in the storm.”

Uncle Vahlek had smiled then. “The best teachers usually are lei’lei.”

After that, every morning until I had returned home he had sparred with me and he was very, very good. He guided and taught much as Master Kjestyll did although his style was quite different. I learned a whole range of new moves and some not so nice tricks. I made a point of going to stay with my uncle for a few days every second week or so, mostly to get away from the hustle and bustle of Mos Eisley but also because I needed the training and I needed the time spent with him. There was a strange stillness to him that I craved, as though what ever sorrows and fears lay hidden deep inside me could be tempered by the darkness which he held close to his own soul. I never told my father and he never asked why I spent so much time with uncle Vahlek but I suspected he knew and did not disapprove. At least when I was with my uncle, I was safe.

The first day back under Master Kjestyll’s watchful eye had been welcome but hard. He had not taken it easy on me, wanting I suspect, to see how much work he needed to do with me so that I would get back up to the level he felt I should be at. When I had left Coruscant I had just passed my trial and gone from level four to level five. Now after being under his scrutiny for the past four hours I wondered if I should not be sent back to level four. I felt like a bantha in a glass shop. We sat on the floor bathed in the sunlight that streamed through the huge lancet windows. The dust we had stirred up danced in the beams and the pale yellow light sparkled. I waited for his comments as I worked into slow cool down stretches.

“You have been influenced by another teacher, someone trained in the Khaji-dho style. I see you have learned some interesting new tricks as well. Who has been teaching you on Tatooine?” he had asked.

I told him about my uncle and studied his face very carefully for signs of recognition at the name Vahlek Akosh but if Master Kjestyll knew him, his face gave nothing of it away. Instead he nodded and said. “Well, you are less rusty than I thought you would be and also more aggressive. Khaji-dho is a very offensive form of Bunduki and very, how would you say, old school. Do you like this form better?” he asked.

I shrugged a little. “I don’t know to say, it was more like learning slightly different choreography to a dance I already knew. I was just so grateful to have someone to work with that I never thought to question the differences. When Zte’sa asked if I wanted to learn something a little more offensive and I didn’t see why not, especially given the events that have happened in the last two years. Was this wrong?”

Master Kjestyll smiled. “A skill learned is never wrong, child. Your ability to adapt is quite remarkable sometimes.” He said quietly. “When the Emperor asked me to teach you he said ‘she is a subtle creature who requires a subtle hand.’ But now, I am not so certain of this assessment and perhaps I should take more care to teach you the more offensive style as well as the passive style you have been so far learning.” He spoke thoughtfully. “In seven months from now there will be a gathering of students for trials, I think you would be ready to take your sixth level, but it would mean a lot of work between now and then.”

I lowered my head in respect to him and smiled. “I am honoured you think that I would be ready. I will not let you down.”

He laughed. “No, you never do, you are a most pleasing, as well as a most unusual student. Now, that was enough for today, I think you will remember this session tomorrow and you will have to ease the stiffness from some of your muscles. We will meet again in two day’s time and get back to a regular schedule. I shall be working you hard so come prepared.”

I bowed to him and grinned. Hard work didn’t scare me.