In the City that never sleeps 2

Shiv strolled around the living room admiring the art while I pottered around the kitchen. I didn’t feel awkward inviting him into what I still thought of as Thrawn’s home, because he’d been here once before and been welcomed in. Thrawn had once told me that he was happy that Shiv had chosen to take me under his wing. I was glad too; Shiv was a good friend, one who didn’t put up with any silliness from me. He kept me grounded, which was a necessity considering where and for whom I worked. It would have been easy to let all the glamour and wealth of the Imperial Court lifestyle go to my head. Even though I tried really hard to ignore the silliness, I could still see the negative changes it had on me. I had made Shiv promise me once that if I ever started turning into one of those people that he should smack me upside the head. So far, he had taken this request to heart. The results were amusing and occasionally painful.

“He has amazing taste in everything doesn’t he? I never get tired of looking at his art collection.” Shiv said, looking over his shoulder at me as I walked into the room.

I smiled as I opened a bottle of wine. “Yes, he does, but that’s not a side of him most people ever get to see.”

“Well, can you blame him for keeping that part of his life private?”

I shook my head. “Considering how the carrion eaters that dine on gossip seem to turn everything good into everything ugly, I’m glad he’s that way.”

“Have you heard anything from him lately?”

I shook my head. “No, not since my birthday. I guess I had hoped for a letter when I returned here, he’s usually good at keeping track of when I am back on planet, but you know how it is…” I shrugged but I didn’t quite keep the whine out of my voice. It was the first time I had worried about him and what he was actually doing, something that when I had really thought about it, I knew very little about.

He smiled. “He’s a high ranking Imperial Officer, Merly, he’s busy.”

I made a face. “I know that, I just get concerned is all!”

“Well being an Admiral in the Imperial Navy isn’t exactly a nine to fiver if you know what I mean. As I understand it from the teeny weenie amount of things you will let slip about the two of you, he tries to fit you into his life as best he can. You’re a lot luckier than most of the girls I know in your place. He actually gives a damn about you unlike some of the other officers and the girls they sleep with.”

“I know, you’re right, I’m sorry. I hate that I feel this way but I do. It’s driving me crazy.” I stopped him from lecturing me further. “But if I can’t talk to you about this stuff, then who can I talk to?”

“Cati?” he teased.

I gave him a look. “I adore her but she doesn’t want to hear this crap from me, she gets an earful from enough of her other clientele. I don’t want to become one of those girls who always whine about everything man related.” I retorted.

“Are you really worried about him?” He asked coming back to sit at the breakfast bar, taking the glass of wine I offered.

I thought about it for a moment. “Worried isn’t really the right word.” I replied. “He can take care of himself and he’s incredibly good at what he does but it’s still dangerous.” I paused for a second to choose my words carefully. “When I first came to work for Lord Vader I actually never gave all this fighting stuff much thought, it’s not as if we see a lot of massive space conflicts on Tatooine so I didn’t know enough to be concerned but now that’s changed. I’ve been in some of these space battles, albeit relatively safe on the side lines but still, I’ve stood and watched Imperials die fighting for what they believe in. Lately it seems as though the conflicts between the Empire and the Rebellion have been getting more and more vicious, so yeah, I am concerned. Thrawn’s brilliant but he’s not omnipotent, there is always the chance that something will go wrong.” I shrugged. “And, I miss him.”

“Of course you do.” He said with a gentleness that made me look up at him. “I’d be worried if you didn’t.”

We touched glasses and took sipped our wine in silence for a few moments.

I looked at Shiv for a second then asked coyly. “So, just how much do you know about what goes on at the palace these days?”

“Enough to make Isard worry should I ever turn into a rebel sympathiser.” he said casually but there was a pain in his voice that made me wince. “Why, what do you want to know?” He asked.

“I heard a rumour about something when I was on the Executor.”

“There are lots of rumours going around could you be a tad more specific?” he said cagily, watching me from over the rim of his wine glass as he took another sip.

“I heard that a certain Admiral whose home we are currently sitting in is about to be promoted to the highest level attainable.”

That made Shiv pause. “How…where did you hear that?” He was genuinely surprised.

“I told you, while I was on Executor. Is it true?”

“Did Vader tell you this?”

I shook my head. “No, he’s never mentioned it and I haven’t asked him about it,”

He drew a deep breath. “Merly, you can’t know this.”

“Why not?”

“Because in difference to the usual palace gossip, this is seriously top secret. Almost no one knows.”

I shook my head. “Can’t be that top secret, I found out and you know.”

“Yes, and that worries me.” He said. “Who told you?”

“How did you know?” I countered.

We stared at each other. He caved first.

“I get told certain things when I need to organise separate venues, particularly when there are high levels of security involved. Despite the Shiv is a bit of a twit thing I try to maintain, my job actually entails a lot of security details and I get entrusted with a lot of classified information.” He said after a moment. He raised his eyebrows. “Your turn.”

“Someone who works closely with the Emperor tipped me off, but in confidence.”

“Let me guess, a certain Royal Guard on trooper rotation.” It wasn’t a question, I had written to Shiv often enough about my friendship with CJ.

I made a face. “I am fairly sure he thought I knew when he told me.”

He shook his head. “Listen to me; you need to keep this information really, really quiet.” He sighed. “Or have you already told anyone else?”

I shook my head. “No one, I only asked you because you are the best source of news I know.”

“If word of this was to get out, if the media gets a hold of it well, bloody hell Merly, it would be messy and really bad. I am not even sure the Council of Twelve knows about this. The last thing you want is to be labelled as a leak or worse.”

“I get the message.” I said defensively. “What do you mean they don’t know?”

He avoided giving me an actual answer. “What about Thrawn, is he aware you know about this?”

“I asked about it loosely in one of my letters but we don’t write in basic so it would be hard for someone who didn’t speak Cheunh to translate. I haven’t heard an answer yet.” I told him. “In fact I am still waiting for Jarack to drop by so I can send Thrawn my thank-you for his birthday gift.”

“He sent you a gift; you never told me that, what did he give you?” he changed the topic so effortlessly I was momentarily speechless then I pulled my necklace out from under my top and showed him.

“Oh my!” he said as he took the pendant in his fingers to look at. The way he moved the stone back and forth told me that he had found the stone’s inner fire. “Is this genuine?”

I nodded.

Shiv shook his head. “Well, this just reaffirms my statement about his taste and how he feels about you.” He said letting go of the pendant. “But you should avoid showing that off, or at least telling people who it is from.”

“Why?” I asked, and then added. “And just for the record, I don’t run around showing off.”

“I know you don’t do that but I needed to say it anyway. It makes me feel better.”

“Okay, so why the warning?”

“While I know that he gives you expensive gifts because he actually likes you, there are some at court who will think he is buying your loyalties or worse buying Vader’s by courting you.” he said.

We’d talked about this before. “That’s ridiculous!”

He gave a little one shoulder shrug. “Is it? Paranoia runs rampant within the Imperial Court especially these days. Thrawn is a major player, despite his supposed fall from grace, and you are the woman who shares his bed. You and Lord Vader have a very good working relationship which has also not gone unnoticed. People will assume the worst not the best.”

I sighed. “Why does everything that is good have to turn into something sordid and tainted?”

Shiv shook his head. “It doesn’t have to if you don’t let it. But the inner circle of the Imperial world is a vicious place. This is a court that does not like unknowns and that’s what the two of you are. Thrawn because he is alien who shares nothing of whom or what he is to anyone. He is a huge threat to the men who want the power that he appears to so casually disregard yet so effortlessly gains.” He said. “You are an unknown because although you officially have the title of Personal Assistant, the rumours are that that Vader regards you as much, much more than this but no one knows quite what that is. You get special treatment from important people, yet you still wander around the place like a dewy eyed farmer’s daughter fresh off the transport. You, my Outer Rim friend, don’t add up.”

I made a face.

He continued. “Despite the fact that neither of you flaunt your relationship with each other, people have still figured it out. It’s a little difficult to hide the chemistry between you two actually, even though you try. HoloNet reporters can smell an affair or a scandal a light year away. Plus, what makes it all the more unusual is that from behind the scenes, the Emperor seem to condone your affair, leading people to think there is more to the story than just simple romantic attraction. That very public banishment and innuendo about your involvement was for show, most people in the inner circle suspect that there were ulterior motives behind that event. It would not be the first time that Emperor has played this sort of game. It’s natural for the flesh eaters at court to want to strip the bones bare.”

“So…are you saying that my relationship with Thrawn was set up by the Emperor?”

Shiv shook his head. “No, I don’t think that is the case but this is how it looks to the outside viewer.” He shrugged “I don’t know the Admiral nearly as well as you do but I don’t think he’s the kind of man who would engage in a serious relationship with someone just because it was good for his political career. If that were the case he’d be best pals with the Council of Twelve and you’d see him at the Officer’s club being social, or with a HoloNet starlet on his arm instead of keeping himself to himself here with you.”

He swirled the remaining wine around in his glass. “You know, when you first came to work for Vader there were pools going on all over the place as to just how long you would last in the job. You’ve surpassed them all. Then people started to take bets on which of the high ranking officers you would end up with. Thrawn was not on that list but Zaarin was, in fact he was ranked number one. You’re not what you appear to be and anyone who spends more than five minutes with soon figures this out.” He paused to sip his wine, “Did you know there’s a huge theory saying that you are really Vader’s daughter secretly being trained by the Emperor to take his place?”

I nearly choked on my wine. “Are you serious?” I rolled my eyes. I had not heard that one yet.

He nodded. “Merly, you would probably have kittens if you knew half of the stories that fly around the palace about you.”

I buried my head in my hands. “I don’t think I want to know. I can assure you, though, I am most definitely not Vader’s daughter and I am absolutely not being groomed to take his place. I never heard such ronto-rot in all my life.” I giggled, then sighed. “I don’t understand this obsession the court has with sex, scandals and conspiracy theories.”

Shiv replied. “Because while to the outsider courtly life may seem exciting, glamorous and fun, in reality it is mostly boring. People look for anything to make it less dull and give their stupid lives here some meaning.” He answered. “I know you don’t sleep around and Thrawn would not jeopardise his career by indulging in bedroom politics. That would be beneath him, he has too much integrity and pride for that.”

“Pride?” I asked, rising to the bait.

Shiv laughed. “Oh yes, maybe you don’t see it but he is proud and arrogant, he just hides it behind that cool blue mask of super intelligence.”

I made a face. I did see it and had even called him on it once or twice, but Shiv didn’t need to know that.

“Don’t put him up on a pedestal, even the best of men cannot live up to that sort of expectation.” He chided gently. “He’s not perfect you know, if you do that to him you will be disappointed.”

“I do know that, but you’ve got to admit, he’s pretty damned close.” It was as close to gushing as I ever got. I quickly shut my mouth and refilled our wine glasses.

Shiv rolled his eyes and gave me a huge mock sigh. “Ugh, love really is blind, isn’t it?”

I just looked at him then realised how neatly he had veered me off track. “Stop avoiding my initial question and tell me what you can about this possible promotion.” I poked his arm.

He took a drink of his wine and sighed. “Okay, you are aware that the dedication for the new wing is coming up soon?”

I nodded, “In two weeks if I read the memo correctly.”

“Well,” Shiv said with a nod, “If I were you, I’d expect to see a familiar face in attendance at that event.”

I let out the breath I had been holding. Grand Admiral was the highest rank that a military officer serving in the Empire could achieve. For Thrawn it would be the pinnacle of his career and it would give him a great deal of power and perhaps even the respect he had earned.

“So it’s true and the Emperor is really planning this?”

Shiv raised his eyebrows. “Come on kiddo, use your brains. I can’t tell you anything concrete outright and you know that. But let’s just say the dedication party will be a really big thing and if a few high ranking people vanish off for a while to hold a private meeting…well.” He gave a small shrug.

“Why so secret?” I asked. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Doesn’t it? Imagine what sort of a message this will send to the Council of Twelve when they find out. It shakes things up. It makes people edgy. It tells the fat rats who think they own it all that they can be replaced by someone who isn’t human. Thrawn is one of the Emperor’s most valued, most underrated and most useful pieces in what is a very complicated chess like game.”

“How do you know that?”

“I have my sources.” He said. “Did you know that Thrawn has been demoted about eight times and then the Emperor promptly promoted him again?”

I nodded. “Yeah, he’s spoken about some of that, I didn’t know how many times though.” I said. “The Emperor doesn’t like being told he’s wrong.”

“It is a game the Emperor plays with him or maybe he plays with the Emperor.” He shrugged, “Thrawn is not scared of Palpatine and that makes him unusual in every way possible. Do you know what that must mean to a man like the Emperor who has it all, including the fear of an entire galaxy?”

“Are you saying the Emperor is scared of Thrawn?”

“Of course not! Don’t be obtuse!” He snorted “Palpatine doesn’t seem to fear anything but he is very intrigued by your Admiral and has been for a very long time. Curiosity, something that actually piques his interest is rare so of course he plays with this toy. Thrawn’s brilliance and alien nature are a never ending source of amusement to the Emperor.”

I drew a deep breath. “I’ve never really thought about any of this.” I could not imagine what Thrawn must have felt about any of this. Then again, Thrawn was quite adept at playing these games to the best of his advantage.

“Well, sometimes you can be a little self involved.”

His comment stung. “Is that your way of telling me I’m selfish?” I asked.

He shook his head, reached over and ruffled my hair with a smile. “No, not selfish, self involved there is a difference. It’s just that you tend to look inward rather than outward. You still see the world in terms of how it affects you and not a wider circle. It’s normal at your age; my sister was like that too. Most people are, but you’ll grow out of it.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you ask the right questions.” He said knowingly.

I just sighed. “Remind me never to whinge at you again.”

He laughed. “It’s easy to see you grew up an only kid.” Then his expression softened, “Look, I know you miss him. It’s not as if you have it easy either. Been there done that, but I have to tell you I think you handle his absence way better than some of the officer’s wives I know do when their husband’s get sent off on some mission for a week. I half expected when you guys started to sleep together that you would moon over him all the time. I guess you’re a bit tougher than even I thought.”

“Glad I could surprise you, I guess.” I said and then added thoughtfully. “I don’t think Thrawn would have kept me around if I was the mooning mopey kind.”

He grinned. “You’re right about that.” Then he added, “Listen kiddo, when this event does happen, I am certain you will know about it. You might not get to see it, but you will know.”

I toyed with my wine glass, wondering what it was that the Emperor was really up to because if I had learned anything it was that he did nothing without subterfuge. Shiv noticed my expression but read it wrong.

“Don’t worry about the Admiral, like you said, he can take care of himself. I’m sure you’ll hear from him soon and he’ll be back before you know it.” Shiv said and before I could correct him the door chime rang, our food was here. We sat and ate in the living room in front of the Holo screen watching a fairly decent Holo version of Schiell Dannett’s The Corellian Curse. Eating in the living room was something that would have horrified Thrawn who considered it incredibly uncouth to eat dinner anywhere but at the table, oddly enough I delighted in this act, it reminded me of being at home on Tatooine.

I was glad that Shiv was around. He was an excellent friend. Even though Tygs was gone, Jyrki was still out there and he was clever as well as obsessed, not a good combination. If he really wanted to he’d find a way to get to me which was not a comforting thought. Shiv left after the film was done and he had helped me clean the dishes.

The flat always seemed vast when I was alone in it. I went through the routines of going to bed knowing that if I slept through the night it would be a miracle. Nightmares had become a regular feature in my sleep. In between them were dreams I could not decipher and only half remembered upon waking. They included my birth mother, Qui Gon Jinn among others. I put the dreams down to too much time spent listening to my mother’s diary.

It was a strange thing to hear and see the young woman who would give birth to me talk about her daily life, her dreams and her fears. I was learning a lot about the life of a padewan learner, a jedi in training but I was not sure if that was what I wanted to know. I wasn't sure what it was I was looking for. I was searching for answers but I wasn’t finding any. I suspected this was because I was not certain what my questions were. Even more frustrating was that I still hadn’t been able to access the second holocron. It occurred to me that at some point I would probably have to go back to the Jedi Temple but I didn’t want to.

I lay in bed, tossing and turning, my thoughts wandering all over the place. I felt as though my life had become a series of oddly placed events surrounded by surreal settings. Lack of a decent night’s sleep made me maudlin, edgy and well aware that I not only did I miss Thrawn; I also ached for him, yearned for him. It was a weakness I hated myself for and usually left me reading trashy romance novels as a substitute into the very small hours of the morning. Sleeping had become something I dreaded and the nights stretched out long and unforgiving.