The Bitter Twist of Dark 3

I was aware of floating and the taste of bacta. I faded in and out of consciousness, in and out of pain and in between I dreamed but I could not remember what the dreams were about. When I surfaced and became aware of where I was I panicked. I had never been submersed in bacta before and even with the face mask and oxygen I felt as though I were drowning. The fluid was thick and viscous. It had a terrible taste and it was everywhere, even in my ears. I flailed and fought against the harness, banging legs, knees, arms, elbows, hands against the sides of the tank, until someone sedated me.

When the bacta had done its job I was taken from the tank and moved to a bed. I slept a lot. Everything hurt. It hurt to breathe, to move, to cough. Every motion brought with it its own variant of agony. I was grateful for the drugs they pumped me with that kept me in a twilight of semi consciousness. I had no idea where I was or what day it was and I didn’t care. Slowly the world which had fragmented about me began to piece itself back together again.

They knew I was on the mend when I began insisting that I be allowed to shower and get rid of the last of the sickly bacta stench that seemed to permeate everything. Moving still hurt and I was not that steady on my feet. After an hour they all decided that the only way to shut me up was to either sedate me or let me shower. I was grateful they decided on the latter.

I just stood under the hot water, leaning against the wall while one of the med-tech droids helped me scrub at my skin. Even though the droid was surprisingly gentle, it still hurt to be touched. I looked at the bruises on my body in awe; they were works of art in vibrant colours of purples, blues and greens. When I came back to bed, the IV line still miraculously in my arm, the sheets had been changed and a doctor brandished a powerful sedative my way. I didn’t argue, sleep was a welcome escape from the lingering pain and the fragmented memory of what had put me in this unnamed medical lab in the first place.

When I woke again, I had no idea how much time had passed but it was early dawn. My mouth was dry and my throat hurt. I could not recall the last time I had had anything to drink. I glanced at my hand, the IV line was gone and a bruise was the only tell tale sign of where the needle had been. I came back into the world slowly and only after a bit did I realize I was not alone in the room. I turned my head to look beside the bed. He was lounging in the uncomfortable chair, with his long legs stretched out in front of him, one leg crossed over the other, his arms folded across his chest. He was still in uniform but he had removed the jacket. His eyes were closed but he wasn’t asleep. I moved and that brought him back to the world. He opened his eyes and turned to look at me.

“Welcome back to the land of the living.” Thrawn said. He got up and filled a glass of water from the jug on the nearby table. He placed a hand at my back, helping me as I sat up. I took the cup he offered, sipping the water slowly.

“Why is it, Miss Gabriel, that I seem to spend so much time watching you recover from grievous bodily harm in a hospital bed?” he asked setting back down in the chair that was right beside the bed. I searched for anger in his voice but there was none. He just sounded weary.

“You have lousy timing?” I asked.

He just shook his head slightly. He did not appreciate the joke. “You appear to attract trouble and brutality the way light attracts moths and ships attract mynocks.”

I handed him back the empty cup, which he set on the table. “It’s not what you think.” I told him. “Lord Vader didn’t do this.”

He arched an eyebrow. “I am well aware of that.” He said tartly.

I lay back down with a sigh. I wasn’t in the mood to fence words with him. “When did you get back?”

“Very late last night or very early this morning, depending on your point of view.”

“Where is here?” I asked realizing I had no idea where I actually was and had never bothered to ask.

“One of the smaller medical facilities in the Palace.” He replied.

“I have no idea how I got to this place.” I said.

“No, I do not imagine you would.” he said. “You were in particularly bad shape.”

My fingers touched the ribs that had been broken, they were still tender and my shoulder ached. “Still hurts.”

He nodded. “Bacta is a medical wonder but some things still require time and rest to heal, especially broken bones. How do you feel?”

I pursed my lips. How did I feel? I was not quite certain how to answer that. “I killed someone.” I said. “I don’t know how I feel yet.” If I closed my eyes I could still hear that sickening crack in my mind as my foot connected with Riori’s head.

Thrawn leaned forward in the chair and studied my face carefully. “As I heard it,” he said evenly. “You walked away from the chance to end the boy’s life and it was he who gave you no choice. You showed incredible restraint and mercy. He forced your hand. You took his life out of self defence and not out of blood lust.”

I sighed. I wasn’t up for debating this. “How do you know what happened?”

“I had the honour of meeting Taisto Kjestyll when I arrived here.” He said.

“How is he?”

“Concerned for his student, relieved that you will live and angry at the situation which took place.” He told me simply.

“It wasn’t his fault.” I said. “No one could have seen this coming.” I sighed.

“Perhaps….” He said cryptically.

This was not how I had envisioned seeing him again, not how I had imagined welcoming him back. Instead of wearing something pretty, making cheerful banter and being happy, I was laid up in a hospital bed, I looked like hell and I felt tainted some how, ashamed but not for any reason I could put my finger on. I had touched a darkness inside of me and what scared me more was I had liked it. Part of me wanted to tell Thrawn to go away and leave me alone. I sighed and closed my eyes.

“The doctor informed me that you might be able to leave at the end of the week.” He said after a moment’s pause. He was making small talk and slowly I realised that he was at a loss for words. He didn’t have to be here, he could have just returned from space to his Coruscant apartment but instead he had come straight here and was sitting by my bed in an uncomfortable chair waiting for me to open my eyes. This realization made my heart ache. I looked up into his face and found him staring at me intently. For the first time since I had woken, I met his gaze.

“It’s good to see you again. I’m glad you are back.” I said and I meant it. “How did you know I was here?”

“Word gets around.” He said vaguely. “You’ve managed to become the topic for gossip in certain Imperial circles.”

I laughed a little and then regretted it. It hurt to laugh, it hurt to move. “I don’t remember much of what happened after the fight ended. Riori came after me, even though I had backed down. He won and he still came after me.” I shook my head.

“He didn’t want to win, from what I heard, he just wanted vengeance.”

“It’s all a bit of a blur” I said.

“Not surprising with the injuries you sustained. You have a bad habit of giving people who care for you something to worry about.” He said.

“I’m sorry, that’s not really my intention.” I spoke softly. “I hadn’t planned on any of this.” I felt tears building up in my eyes.

“No, I don’t suppose you did, sj’iu tekari.” He smiled a little and reached over to caress my cheek with the backs of his fingers and then absently moved a stray lock of hair from my face. True to form my eyes started to leak, just a little. “You can be such a distraction.” He told me quietly, with a subtle shake of his head. He stroked away the escaping tears with his fingertips.

“Is that good or bad?” I asked, falling into a familiar pattern of it. His hand was warm on my skin and his touch reminded me of goodness, of kindness and other things I had forgotten about. I reached up and brushed his fingers with my hand and he took it gently in his own.

“I’ll let you know, when you are fit enough to handle the stress.” He said with a slight smile.

I nodded and closed my eyes. I was still so tired. He sat back, withdrawing his hand from mine. I heard him settle back into the chair and draw a deep, thoughtful breath. If there was more conversation I didn’t hear it because sleep got the better of me. When I woke up he was gone with no sign that he had ever been there at all. I wondered if I had dreamed the whole thing. I didn’t feel any better, I just felt empty.

When they finally let me out of the small clinic that was tucked away in the confines of the palace to go back home I was almost jumping for joy. There was nothing I hated more than being cooped up in a med lab facility. The smell of bacta permeated everything, not to mention the cleaning solutions and the medical droids. Even though the small palace facility had been quiet and I had been given a little private room all to myself it was still not the greatest place in the galaxy to be.

Despite my very loud protests I had been taken back to my flat in a repulser chair, and two of the med-tech aides had come along to carry all the flowers and holo cards that I had been sent during my recovery. I was grateful when everyone left the flat and me alone. It felt odd to be back but I was glad of peace and quiet.

The bacta had done its job healing the worst of the broken bones and internal injuries. The bruising had mostly faded to a sickly purple-yellow colour and I winced just looking at it. My ribs were still tender and my left arm and shoulder were immobilized by a contraption that I was convinced had been invented for torture. I was under doctor’s orders to rest for at least two weeks and despite my desire to get back to a normal life I was grateful. I had damaged the bone around my left shoulder socket when I had popped the arm back in place. Chipped and cracked, the doctor had said giving me a disapproving look. Torn the ligaments as well, so it hurt, a lot. The doctor had prescribed pain killers but I didn’t take them unless I could not bear the pain. They made me stupid, dopey and slow witted.

I was supposed to rest and stay quiet but that didn’t mean that everyone else had to and on my third day home Shiv dropped by with a bunch of bad holo films and take out food. He had been horrified to learn what had happened and was even more annoyed that visitors had not been allowed into the medical facility to see me. It had been a nice evening of the best food I had tasted since before the fight and probably the worst but funniest holos I had seen in a while. Laughing had hurt but it had been worth it.

The day after Shiv’s visit I was surprised when Makki who dropped by later on. He stood sheepishly at my doorstep holding a bouquet of flowers and a holo-card everyone had signed. I invited him in and at first the conversation was awkward, stilted until he burst out with,

“You fight like a crazy person, do you know that?”

That had made me laugh which had hurt my ribs which had made us both laugh more. He had stayed for tea and once the awkwardness had passed he proceeded to tell me all about the fight I had been a part of as though he were describing a holo vid to me. It was strange and surreal but also interesting.

“I guess all that training with Lord Vader paid off, huh?” he asked.

I shrugged with my good shoulder. “Maybe. I wish it had never happened though.”

“Never killed anyone before, huh?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No, why have you?”

He nodded. “Yeah, shortly after my graduation from the Academy, I did a rotation in riot control. Out on one of the mid rim planets, things got out of hand and it got bad. Three of the guys in my platoon were killed and I don’t know how many of the rioters were taken out but I know some of them I killed.” He shrugged. “It’s not the same thing as hand to hand, I guess, but it sure didn’t feel great.”

“Killing is killing.” I told him. He had just nodded. We drank our tea in silence for a few moments before he brushed that mournful topic aside and began to chatter about other things.

I was surprised at the number of get well cards and flowers that were delivered. Even Cati sent a little note but the one person I wanted to hear from was non existent. I was becoming more and more convinced that Thrawn’s visit in the hospital was nothing more than a fever dream I conjured myself. I missed him terribly.

One week after I had come back home, early in the evening, my doorbell rang. My heart took a little leap because I figured it was probably Thrawn and half expected to see a glass or something equally obscure sitting on the door mat, instead when I opened the door I stared into the eyes of my master.

“I hope that I am not disturbing you, ke’ashj Merlyn.” He said. He held a large flat box in his arms.

“Of course not.” I stepped aside and invited him into my flat, closing the door after him.

“May I offer you some tea, master Kjestyll?”

“That would be most welcome.” He said.

“Please sit down anywhere you can find space, I’m sorry it’s a bit of a mess.” I said as I went to boil water.

I had never known anyone who could sit as till as my master and when I brought in the tray of tea things it was almost as though he were made from stone. He watched as I poured his cup first and waited until I had poured mine, then accepted the cup I held out to him. The fragrance of mint filled the air and I waited until my guest had sipped his tea first before sipping my own.

“Tatooine mint tea.” He said with a smile. “It has been a long time since I have tasted this. It brings back good memories.”

“My father sends it to me.” I said. “I’d miss it.”

Master Kjestyll nodded. “Things which remind us of home are precious.” He said. “I expect you are curious at my reason for disturbing your rest.”

“Your visit is not a disturbance but I am curious.” I answered. He smiled.

He drew a deep breath. “I have come for several reasons. The first is I wished to see with my own eyes that you are recovering.”

“I am, thank you, although slower than I’d like.” I admitted.

He nodded. “You have a strong will to live, but the body needs time.” He said. “Secondly, I came because I wished to apologise for what happened….”

I went to protest that it wasn’t his fault but he held up his hand. “Please allow me to finish.”

I nodded and waited.

“The Rite of Tet’zais-tjiumei is an ancient tradition of the Bunduki arts that was brought about as a way to settle conflict between two parties when there were no more options for resolutions left. It was created during a time of great unrest and violence and written in the Palawa Laws as a last resort method of conflict. The Rite of Tet’ is hundreds of years old and for the longest time had passed into memory and history, unused and almost forgotten. It was rarely used because of the dire consequences and results. In my life time I had only seen it called once, until now.”

I sighed.

“It was strange that these students knew of the Rite of Tet’. It is never spoken of and never taught. For decades now it has been thought lost. Perhaps that was our failing as Masters; we did not think to remember that such a thing existed. We have better ways of solving disputes than death matches.” He sipped his tea. “You should be made aware that after this incident, the council of masters has agreed to remove the Rite of Tet’zais-tjiumei from the Bunduki laws. Its use will be forbidden. It is unfortunate that it took this event to push us into an action we should have taken years ago, but sometimes we are slow to undo tradition and like to believe that sleeping dogs will stay asleep.”

He set his empty cup down and nodded when I offered to pour a second cup. After a moment of silence he continued.

“I and the masters who were at the trials have questioned Kiol Griff about his actions and we learned that it was more or less his older brother’s idea. Riori had planned the whole event, including bribing the person responsible for pairing the students together so that Kiol would be paired with you.”

“Why?” I asked, interrupting.

Master Kjestyll drew a deep steady breath. “Kiol told us that his family blamed Lord Vader for the death of his father, you know this already. They were furious and devastated, as you can well imagine, at the loss of their father and they had petitioned the Emperor to punish Lord Vader for his part in the tragedy.”

I opened my mouth to protest but Master Kjestyll cut me off. “I am aware of the situation that occurred and where the blame actually lies is of no interest to me.” He said. “The end result is the same; the Griff sons wished for retribution and after going through all the appropriate channels decided to follow a more unusual route. They learned from the Emperor, who had paid the family a visit after the memorial service, of the Bunduki trials and that you would be attending. I am unsure exactly how talk on the subject came about but given that the boys have been studying the Bunduki arts since they were very young, I think we can assume it was simply part of the conversation. The Emperor likes to be kept well informed about everything and if he took time out of his busy schedule to pay his respects to the family he would have known all there was to know about them. I can only surmise that it was after they learned who you were and that you would also be at the trials that they went about formulating their plan.”

My mind reeled. The Emperor. Why was it that when ever I seemed to end up on the wrong side of someone’s stick, his name was almost always attached to it somehow?

“Kiol told us that Riori had researched you, asked questions to students who had contacts in the Palpatine School. He was convinced that you were a lesser opponent. In many respects he was right, you began your training very late, and your skills in certain areas is less refined than perhaps it could be but he was gravely mistaken to think that you would be easy to kill. They did not anticipate your skill with a combat staff, or that you would even choose such a weapon. They, of course did not know you are also a force user and they had no way of knowing that you are often tested and tried under the hand of Lord Vader. ”

He paused and sipped at the tea. “The boys hoped for revenge, they had hoped to hurt Lord Vader by killing you, instead they compounded their family’s tragedy. Kiol has been removed from the Corellian school for his part in this incident. He will no longer be taught the Bunduki arts by a recognized trainer or master. It is he who is to be shunned. The youngest of Griff’s sons had no active part in this so he will be allowed to continue his training but that will be difficult I fear. He must live with the shame his brothers have brought down upon their family, and I do not think he will remain at the school long.” He paused. “Kiol was at a loss to understand why you walked away from ending the fight the way if should have been ended, he did not understand why you did not kill his brother when you first had the chance.”

I looked at my Master. “I did not want to kill him.”

He nodded. “I watched your face. I watched you struggle. You fought not only Riori but also yourself. Your powers grow but so too does the conflict within you.”

I shook my head. “Why did he not accept that he had won?” I asked after a while.

“Because by walking away, by letting him live it was not he who had won the fight but you. Riori had built you up to be an extension of Lord Vader in his mind and when you proved him wrong he could not bear it.”

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I fought them. “Stupid waste of life.” I spat angrily.

He agreed with a nod. “You fought well, child. I was proud of you and the choices you made, which brings me to the third reason I came here. Three days ago, the masters and I had a conference and they have informed me that they wish to award you this.” He handed me the flat box to open. “I am in agreement with them.” He said.

I took the box from his hands and unwrapped the elegant paper, opening it to find a green coloured kej-ji’doh. I lifted it out of the box in awe.

“You fought with much honour and with skill far beyond your given level. I know that you held back on applying the lessons Lord Vader has been sharing with you as well as using your unique gifts. You are a good student, ke’ashj Merlyn. You deserve this.”

I looked at the kej-ji’doh in awe. This meant I was being stepped upto level seven. I had not heard of this sort of thing ever happening before and was a little overwhelmed by it. “Thank you.” I said after a few moments.

“There is something you wish to ask?” he asked watching my face.

I nodded. “I wanted to know if it would be possible to perhaps train with the other students from time to time. I had no idea what I was missing by being trained alone.”

He grinned. “It is already something that is being arranged. I have spoken of this with the Emperor and Lord Vader.”

“Does the Emperor know what happened at the trials?” I asked.

“I do not believe that there is much the Emperor does not know, child. I suspect that Lord Vader informed him of what have taken place after his visit to you in the medical facility.”

I looked at Master Kjestyll in surprise. “Lord Vader came to the hospital?”

He nodded. “He arrived back from space the morning after the trials. He contacted the school, I presume to see how well you performed. He was told by master Fessi where you were and informed about what had taken place. He was not pleased.”

“He’s never pleased.” I said with a sigh.

“He ordered you to be moved from the med-lab where you had been taken for emergency treatment. It was his personal medical facility you were transferred to. You were given the best care possible; probably it saved your life. There was a lot of internal damage and you did not do yourself any favours when you so violently relocated your shoulder. I am told you damaged the socket bone badly. There was some serious reconstruction work required. We will be doing much in the way of rehabilitation work before we can resume your training. I am quite sure that shoulder hurts far more than you are willing to admit.”

I looked at my arm in the tight sling to keep it and my shoulder joint from moving at all. He was right, it did. It hurt with a ferocity that was almost unbearable at times. The pain medication worked when I actually took but I was scared to take more. In the back of my head I was afraid that if Jyrki came back I would be too stupid to do anything about it.

“I am told you will have to rest at least another week, perhaps two and that your next check up is in two days time.” He said. “So, we will meet the week after next for breathing and relaxation techniques. Now that, for the time being, you are not so mobile I think it is the perfect opportunity for you to learn stillness. After that brace comes off, we can start to build up strength in your arm once more.”

I made a face. The regular check up and prodding schedule that had been set up by the doctor who had over seen my recovery rankled on my nerves. It had meant that I would be spending a lot more time than I liked being examined and poked at by medical droids and the doctor. He had let me return to my own flat reluctantly on the insistence that I adhere to a strict regime of rest. If something were to happen to my recovery it would be his hide not mine he had told me crossly. I had not been the best of patients. It hadn’t occurred to ask what he had meant but now I had a better idea. I could not imagine for a moment that being Lord Vader’s personal medical team was a happy job, although the gruff doctor seemed quite capable of taking what ever got tossed his way. He was a very no nonsense sort of man. He reminded me a great deal of Doctor Thracer, the one who had saved my life on board the Vengeance. I had been glad to hear from Thrawn that the doctor had survived the ship’s destruction but Thrawn had been very uninformative on what Doctor Thracer was doing now. I hadn’t pushed the issue. I was just glad the man was alive.

I poured more tea and then sat back in the chair, running my hand through my hair which I had not bothered to put up. Using Zenji sticks required two hands. It was all I could do at the moment to keep it clean and brushed out. Even so it was long and tangled easily.

“How have you been coping with what happened?” Master Kjestyll asked breaking me out of my thoughts.

“I haven’t.” I told him. “I try not to think about it to be honest. I tell myself that it was unavoidable and not my fault, but somehow those lies don’t really work.”

“Yet those simple facts are the truth.” He said gently.

I nodded. “I don’t know what to think or how to begin to sort out how I feel. Perhaps if this had happened two years, I would be more of a mess, but now I am just sort of numb and sad that it happened at all. I am also glad to be alive, but I feel as though it was a trade off, a piece of my soul for the right to still breathe and I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t remember much about the actual killing and I think that’s a blessing, surprisingly enough I don’t even dream about it. I still have nightmares about being held captive by Jyrki, but not about killing Riori, it doesn’t make sense.”

Master Kjestyll watched me carefully. “That is not such a surprise,” he said. “You knew Jyrki Andando; you did not know the sons of Admiral Griff. Theirs was not a betrayal of your heart, his was.”

“Perhaps.” I said. “Or perhaps part of me just doesn’t care much any more.”

He looked at me for a long time then said. “I do not believe that is the case.”

I sighed. “I thought I would feel more some how, worse, but mostly I feel nothing.”

He nodded. “Give it time.”

I stifled a yawn. I was surprisingly tired.

Master Kjestyll smiled and got up. “You must rest and I have stayed too long already. I will be in touch. We will have much work to do.” He said pointing at my aching shoulder. Then, looking at the new Khaji-dho which I held on my lap, he said. “Wear that with pride. You earned it, it was not a gift.”

I saw him to the door and nodded at his words. “Thank you for coming, master.” I said.

He looked at me for a moment.“If you should need me, contact me.” He said.

I nodded.

“And thank you for the tea, it was very good.” He added and he bowed.

I returned his bow and watched as he left my flat. I cleared up the tea things and went back into the living room. I found myself staring out of the window at the Jedi temple in the distance. So many unanswered questions rattled about in my head and now there was that niggling sensation of something else. I sighed loudly as I thought about the Emperor visiting the Griff family and then suddenly the whole series of events at the Bunduki trials. While nothing supported any evidence that he was behind it, I knew in my heart that somehow he had set the wheels in motion. Perhaps planted the idea in Riori’s mind, mentioned how things used to be done. It would have been nothing big or obvious, just enough of a hint here and the right word there. The question was why? Did he want me dead? Or did he want something else? Or was he, as Lord Vader had once said, just testing me and if so why?? What ever the reason it gnawed at me and for the first time since the fight I felt that nasty little worm of anger wriggle in my gut.