The Other Side of Grace 5

The Grand ball was a huge event. I had missed last year’s because I was already on Tatooine by that time. The theme for this year had been Corellian Renaissance. Shiv and his crew had outdone themselves and I was in awe as I waited for the master of ceremonies to announce Grand Admiral Zaarin and me. Lord Vader had gone ahead of us, already half way down the stairs before his name had been called aloud.

The Great hall was decorated in colours of gold and red, adorned with rich velvet drapes and ornate tapestries depicting the Corellian renaissance. Flowers of red and yellow had been strung in huge garlands from the center of the room to the walls and their scent sweetened the air. The hall had been delicately lit with elegant chandeliers and candles, giving the room a warm glow. It was stunning only made even more so by the beauty and finery of the people attending.

As I walked down the stairs, my hand lightly perched on Zaarin’s arm I could not help the ache in my heart as I realised there would be no dancing with Thrawn at this ball. I had not seen the man in over a year and despite the letters, his words and kindnesses, his physical presence failed making me lonely. This is what it means to be bound… Navaari had said. I had become convinced that it was some sort of a Dantassi curse.

Jarack had arrived at the office early during the day and delivered a letter, but I had had no time to read it so the courier envelope sat unopened on my living room table. I would have given almost anything to be there, curled up on the couch with a nice cup of tea savouring Thrawn’s words, instead of here attending this function with this man I didn’t like very much. I worked hard to curb that train of thought, the last thing I wanted to do was feel miserable and show it. I drew a deep breath and smiled. This was just a job and nothing more.

We walked down through the crowd, following in Lord Vader’s wake. Grand Admiral Zaarin was well known and seemingly well liked or at least well respected. Many junior officers as well as older, more seasoned ones came up to speak with him. He did look quite imposing in his gleaming white Grand Admiral’s uniform and it was no surprise eyes and heads turned as we walked into the crowd. A small gaggle of extraordinarily beautiful courtesans clustered around him hoping to secure a dance and, as was the general rule of thumb, everyone ignored the piece of pretty on his arm. The conversation was dull and I could find nothing of interest to latch onto. I had to work at not yawning and after ten minutes of this I made a polite excuse of needing to speak to someone and slipped into the crowd.

Shiv found me at the bar ordering a drink called a sneaky clone, I wasn’t sure exactly what was in it but it was a pretty shade of blue and the bar tender has assured me that while there was no glow spice in it, there was plenty of kick. His hug was warm and I welcomed it. He took a look at the drink on the bar and raised his eyebrows.

“The night hasn’t even started yet, is it that bad?” he asked ordering a sparkling water.

“Don’t ask.” I growled.

“Don’t make that face, Rim-Girl, you look stunning and it spoils the effect!” he laughed. “Come on, we have a table in the corner you can put your things and use as a safe haven. I am quite sure that Grand Admiral who was parading you on his arm like a prized dance slave will find you when he wants to.”

I grinned and with drink in hand followed him to join Antygra, B’byn, Maxxi and Ynyth who all welcomed me with grins and open arms. Many hugs later, I actually got to sit down. We chattered and watched the Grand hall fill up with Coruscant’s rich and famous. I saw Xizor come in with a beautiful woman on his arm who wasn’t Tylisha Ianko.

“Who’s he with now?” I whispered to Antygra.

“Her name is Clayre Emmal. She’s the daughter of some wealthy investor. Xizor got rid of Tylisha two days ago, was very, very messy. She’s apparently in rehab now after a serious nervous breakdown. He’s a real bastard.”

I sipped my drink carefully, it was a lot stronger than I thought. “Tygra, how do you know all this stuff?”

“Don’t you get the entertainment holonet?”

“I hardly ever watch that!” I snorted. “It just makes me cross. I want to throw things at the terminal every time it comes on.”

“No wonder you never know what’s going on.” He countered. “You’ve been on it you know.”

“What?” I looked at him as though he had suddenly sprouted another head.

“Yeah, you and Admiral, then Captain, Thrawn were voted the most unusual pairing of the year, not this last winter fete but the one before that. They had holo footage of you both entering the grand hall, recorders were not allowed in but someone snuck one in any way, so the also had some hidden recorded footage of you two dancing, you looked pretty cozy in his arms and the expression on his face said he liked having you there. It was probably a good thing you weren’t around, you’d have been livid. You should have heard the speculations. Of course it all died down fast enough when he left the Core and you mysteriously vanished. Well… at first there were rumours that you’d run off together, that you were pregnant with his illegitimate love child and the Emperor had banished you both from Coruscant. You know the usual wild speculation but then when no one came up with any new stories about you two, they got bored.”

My mouth opened but no words came out I was both speechless and furious all at the same time.

Shiv laughed. “Yeah, we were all stunned.” He said. “But you know how it goes; Palpatine’s pet alien and Lord Vader’s oh so young office girl… scandalous.”

Then Antygra gave me a smirk. “So, did you have his love child?”

I was about to make some spluttering comment when the Master of Ceremonies announced the arrival of the Emperor and we all quickly made our way to the floor and kneeled in respect. Once the Emperor was seated and we all rose, the throne speech was given. It was short and I thought the Emperor sounded tired. Part of me wanted to stretch out and sense how he was but my common sense overruled that desire and I kept my force powers in check. I noticed that Lianna was not in the crowd or at his side. I thought that was a bit weird. I had seen very little of her since my return. She had been at Tigellinus’s induction in to the Canted Circle but only for a very short time. We had briefly made eye contact and while the hatred was no longer there her look had told me there still wasn’t much trust. She had vanished before the ceremony was over and I had been relieved.

With the Grand Ball officially declared open, the festivities began in earnest. It did not take my date long to find me and request that I dance with him. He was polite enough when I had introduced him to my friends but I could feel his contempt beneath his smile. Thrawn, despite his position and intelligence never seemed to look down upon anyone no matter what their station in life was. He treated my friendship with Shiv and the others with the same respect he gave me and until this moment I had never thought about how rare that was among Imperial Officers. Zaarin’s cool manner and condescension did not earn him any sabacc points with me at all.

Zaarin was a mechanical dancer. He knew the steps and he could lead adequately but it was a job, or a means to an end. I remembered my mother’s words on men and dancing and I smiled. He must have thought I was smiling for him because he tugged me just a little closer to his body as we moved about the room and smiled back. We continued through several waltzes and two of the pavans I hated until I begged off and we went back to the table where Shiv and Ynyth were still sitting.

“Miss Gabriel, can I get you something to drink?” Zaarin asked.

I told him what I wanted ignoring his disapproving look. Well behaved young ladies didn’t order Corellian Brandy, I guess. I smiled sweetly and ignored his hand on my shoulder that lingered just a moment too long to be polite.

“How long must I stay before I can leave and not be rude?” I asked Shiv once Zaarin had left for the bar.

“At least until eleven, but midnight would be better, although you could pretend to be ill or something. You need a chaperone?”

“What I need is a blaster.” I said putting a finger to my brain making a shooting motion.

Shiv and Ynyth just laughed then Shiv gave me a subtle warning glace to let me know we had company.

Zaarin sat back down at my side and we touched glasses in toast. Without even thinking, I said “Khasäri’mahr.” Every stopped for a second and stared at me.

“What sort of language is that?” Zaarin asked.

I shrugged. “Some Outer Rim trade language I think, it’s a toast, it means to your health.” I said and I took a sip of my drink so I couldn’t answer any more questions or make any more slip ups. I didn’t need for the whole court to know I was learning Cheunh. Shiv gave me a look that said ‘watch yourself.’ And Zaarin just smiled politely.

Shiv and Ynyth got up to dance but I declined when Zaarin asked under the excuse that my new shoes were hurting my feet a little. I thought that he would go away and find someone else to bother but I was wrong instead he made himself comfortable in his chair and began to talk to me.

“What’s your mechanic’s rating?” he asked.

I was surprised by the question and had to think about it. “Well, I just upped my certification four months ago to class one hyper drives. My papers state I have a C rating. So I have a ways to go before I would be allowed to work on ISD engines.” I said. “Mostly I worked on light to medium freighters and runners. I am pretty good with swoops as well.”

“Have you ever seen a TIE’s engines up close?” he asked.

“No. I never had the opportunity.” I said honestly. “Nor have I ever seen an ISD’s engine room either, though not for lack of trying.”

He laughed. “Yes, I get the impression from Vader that you are a bit of a handful.” He said. “He does however speak about your love of machines, a most unusual hobby for an office assistant.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about Lord Vader discussing me with anyone and I certainly did not being referred as a bit of a handful. “Lord Vader is kind.” I answered demurely, biting my tongue from saying what I really wanted to say. The less Zaarin knew about my life the better. This man was a condescending boor and I had to work hard to hide my dislike of him.

“Hardly, but he is a damned good engineer in his own right. Did he tell you that I am also an engineer and that I am designing a new kind of TIE?”

“No, I am afraid he failed to mention that.” I said coolly then curiosity got the better of me. “So, tell me about this new design.”

And he did. For the better part of an hour the rest of the world did not exist outside of the small circle of the table where we sat. He found a pen and on some of the expensive linen napkins he proceeded to illustrate with rough sketches what he was talking about. It was fascinating and he was, as I had been told on several occasions, brilliant. He had also found the one topic that I would genuinely be interested in listening to.

“Our short range fighters, the TIEs have always had the problem of being at a disadvantage from X-wings because they do not have hyperspace capabilities.” He said. “The hyperdrive abilities of X-wings allow them a certain amount of independence from mother ships, and also give them the ability for hit and run style attacks. I am certain you have kept fairly up to date on some of the issues faced by the Imperial navy due to the insurrection, yes?”

I nodded. I read the reports that came through my office, I was certain that under normal circumstances this was a breach in protocol but Lord Vader had actually insisted I keep up to date, so I did.

“Well, now we are working on adding hyperdrive to the TIEs, calling the new design the TIE Avenger.” He went on to explain, drawing a quick design of the new ship for me.

I had to keep from rolling my eyes at the name though. I found the Empire’s penchant for brutal names almost laughable. It was such a guy thing. Avenger, Executor, Devastator… I wondered what Zaarin would have though had he known that Lord Vader had named my ship Desert Angel’s Kiss. I had often puzzled over this name until recent events had come together and now I understood that the ship he and Thrawn had presented to me had really been named for his long dead wife, Padmé. I was betting this information would have raised a few eyebrows had anyone known.

“It looks like Lord Vader’s TIE Advanced.” I said commenting on his drawing.

He nodded. “Yes, we kept the streamlined Interceptor design but added Novaldex shielding and extended the Ion engine capabilities. We also added a SFS ND9 hyperdrive motivator. It is a superior ship to the Interceptor in every way.”

“Won’t the additions make the ship more expensive to manufacture?” I asked.

He shrugged. “We will simply have to raise more money, which can be done easily enough by raising taxes and tariffs. The inhabitants of this galaxy will be glad to help pay for the machines that protect them.”

I didn’t dare comment on that because I was pretty sure the people on the wrong end of the tax hikes might have something else to say about that. Perhaps we would have sat talking about ships and engines for a great deal longer but we were interrupted when Grand Admiral Rufaan Tigellinus came over wanting to have a private conversation with Zaarin.

I watched the two men walk away and breathed a sigh of relief. I was puzzled by Zaarin because on the one hand he was delighted to talk about his projects and work but on the other hand, there was a darkness to him. Every time he had spoken Lord Vader’s name a ripple had twisted through his words. Small and almost imperceptible, I would never have noticed it except that Lord Vader had wanted me to read Zaarin so I had opened myself up just a little more than usual. He hid what ever it was well but I got the feeling he did not like Lord Vader as much as he pretended to, not that this was unusual. Most people everywhere did not like Lord Vader as much as they pretended to. What was even stranger was the odd ferocity that had crossed his face for a split second when the Emperor’s name came up. I didn’t understand what these things meant and I could sense no overt deception in him, above and beyond what was always there in just about everyone who worked for the Empire. He was very ambitious and power hungry, but that could describe just about everyone who worked in the upper echelon of the Imperial world and all men of power wanted more power. I took a small sip of the brandy I had been nursing and made a face. If I went to Lord Vader with this impression he would not be very pleased but there was nothing else to tell. If Zaarin was up to something big I had not been able to find it under his words.

I sat for a moment and watched as Zaarin finished his conversation with Tigellinus, which had looked serious and unpleasant and was then intercepted by one of the young courtesans from earlier. She clearly liked him or had a crush on him and he obviously enjoyed the flattery, accepting her demure, dewy eyed request for a dance. Many of these girls lived in the hope that one of the Officers they fawned over might actually fall in love with them and marry them. It was not unheard of and the underside of palace life was full of stories of scheming and back biting by girls who would do almost anything to better their position in the court. Sleeping your way to the top was a common theme, almost a sport, and marrying a high ranking Imperial Officer was a coup in anyone’s book. It gave status, wealth and some measure of power as well as security. I was always astounded at how quickly a girl who found herself a willing enough officer to wed forgot where she had come from and suddenly shunned the girls who had been her friends. I had seen it on several occasions and heard even more about it from Shiv. Underneath the glitter and the glamour, the fancy parties and pretty clothes lay a dark nasty side to things I was grateful I didn’t have to play a part in.

I got up and walked about the room, mingling and making small talk as I did so. I had come a long way, having taken Thrawn’s advice on learning the intricate game of polite banter to heart. Participating in the dissemination of information through the means of useless chatter had become almost a sport in some ways. How much information could one glean without actually saying any thing useful? I could smile as sweetly as the rest of them but my gifts gave me an edge and I enjoyed that more than I was willing to admit, used my talents more than I should. Ever since my stay on Tatooine, my gifts had grown. My ability to touch objects and read them was significantly stronger than ever before and my talent for detecting truth from lie was almost never wrong. I did not understand why these gifts were getting stronger and I didn’t care. I had them and now I used them and was, in turn, used for them. Somewhere along the way I had crossed a line. I wondered if it was possible to ever go back.

Eventually, I came to be beside Lord Vader who stood like a black statue. We watched the gayety of the dance floor in broody silence. He was an imposing figure, wrapped in his black suit and mask, his arms folded across his chest and standing at his side I looked diminutive and almost dainty. It was almost funny enough to make me smirk. The clockwork regularity of his mechanical breathing was oddly in time with the music that was currently being played and I would never be certain if it was that or the drink I had nursed which made me bold enough to do ask the question that suddenly popped into my head.

I touched his mind lightly with mine. “Lord Vader?”

“What?!”

“Would you care to dance?” I asked him.

Absolute surprise shot through him and I felt it like a blaster hit. His answer was to be expected. “I do not dance!” he said, folding his arms behind his back.

“Why not? Don’t you like dancing?”

He glanced down to look directly at me and then after a long pause he said. “It was never necessary to learn.”

I smiled up at him, knowing we were being observed, knowing this would drive people mad with curiosity. “I can teach you.” I told him.

His reply was terse and to the point. “I can hurt you.”

“Funny, I told Admiral Thrawn that very same thing in a letter not too long ago!” I stifled a giggle.

To my and everyone else’s great surprise, Lord Vader laughed. It was a sharp, loud and very unnerving sound. I just grinned slightly and edged away from him.

“Go and amuse yourself for the rest of the evening, girl and stop bothering me with absurd conversation.” He was still chuckling as he swept past me and the crowds who parted like frightened kreetles allowing him to pass unimpeded. I just stood and stared at his back, well aware that the people around me were both terrified and insanely curious about what had just transpired.

I was grateful when Shiv appeared and bugged me to dance with him. The rest of the evening passed without incident. Zaarin was as well behaved as could be expected and I remained as aloof as I dared without being rude. We made polite banter and danced a few more times but Shiv and the others made sure I was well looked after. By midnight I did not have to feign fatigue, I was tired and my feet hurt. I made my excuses to Zaarin who was deeply engaged in a heated argument with Admiral Harkov, relieving him from the duty of escorting me home because Shiv and Ynyth had offered to do that. He broke off from his conversation to ask if he might see me again and when I told him I did not think it would be a good idea he was not pleased.

“May I ask why?” He inquired in a voice which said it was becoming tedious to keep hearing the word no from me.

“I don’t think it would be appropriate.” I told him plainly.

Instead of being angry he just laughed. “By the stars, you are to the point. Tell me was your relationship with Admiral Thrawn appropriate? ” I felt jealousy flare through Zaarin and smiled coolly.

“What relationship?” I asked. I still asked myself this question so it wasn’t exactly a lie.

“I was under the impression that you and he were close.” He said.

“I see that palace gossip and the rumour mill knows no bounds.” I said tartly, avoiding the actual question. “Do not believe all you hear, Grand Admiral. That I have accompanied Admiral Thrawn on several occasions to various Imperial functions at his request does not mean anything other than what it is. I was simply doing my duty to the Empire, just as I do tonight with you.”

“So then, his intentions with you were entirely honourable?” there was a nasty little edge to Zaarin’s voice I didn’t like or wholly understand.

“Grand Admiral Zaarin, I do not worry about Admiral Thrawn’s intentions with me. He merely wished to have female company for an official event, this is not so unusual. I do not believe he has any interest in entertaining courtesans or young women who work for the Empire. I believe his ambitions lie elsewhere. ” I shrugged. You on the other hand…, I thought.

Zaarin gave me a look and then smirked slightly. “Probably so, that alien is only interested in furthering his career. Goodness knows how he’s managed to stay in the Emperor’s good graces so long. I hear he can be quite defiant.” There was a bitterness behind his words that bordered on hatred. Thrawn, it seemed had managed to make a few enemies along the way. I bit my tongue from saying something snarky in response to Zaarin’s insulting tone.

I raised an eyebrow and shrugged. “I am merely Lord Vader’s office girl. I wouldn’t know these sorts of things and I am afraid I leave that sort of speculation up to others.”

Zaarin laughed. “Hardly just an office girl.” He said then added. “Well, then perhaps you would permit me to invite you to another official function, would that be appropriate?”

“If I am afforded the time to go, I imagine it complies with the regulations on inter palace relationships set in place. Now, Grand Admiral, I really must leave I have a lot of work to do tomorrow and my ride is waiting for me. I had a very pleasant evening, thank you.” I turned to make a quick get away but he caught my arm. I had to fight against my instinctive desire to put him on his ass. I was a little unprepared when he took a hold of my hand and kissed it politely. I could feel his lust but I shut it out. The thought of his hands on my body made me queasy. I wasn’t sure why, though, because it wasn’t as if he was ugly or even unpleasant to be with. But something about him didn’t sit well with me and I was very glad to get away from him.

Home was quiet and peaceful. I stripped off the fancy clothes, showered and put on something unflattering and comfortable to wear. I made tea and then sat down to read Thrawn’s latest letter and then, taking Cati’s advice to heart, reply to him and tell him about everything that had happened.