The Other Side of Grace 6

A’mia Tekari,

I fear I must apologise for the lengthy delay in replying to your last letter. I could make up a myriad of excuses but in truth there are none other than the fact I have been preoccupied with our current mission and time slipped away. It is easy to forget how many days have passed in space as that unit of time measurement does not exist. I am sure you understand this phenomenon well and can forgive my lack of thought.

Your description of Coruscant is very apt in more ways than you know. It is affectionately known as The Jewel of the Core but in truth it is a planet climbing out of its own decrepit foundations. What is shining and beautiful on the top is dark and ugly underneath. You see only the beauty, the culture of the wealthy and privileged who live above a certain level, and not the seamier underbelly of the world below.

When I was first introduced to this planet I was quite awed by the sheer audacity of it. An anomaly of science more than anything else, it fascinated me to know how the whole thing worked, because in theory a planet like Coruscant should not exist. I visited some of the atmospheric plants and the weather controllers, and made several forays into the underside. It is not a place I would care to live forever. I, too, would miss the natural side of a planet. Csilla is a cold, place wrapped in the grips of an ice age, but one can go topside and see stars, feel the wind and breathe the air. I often got the feeling on Coruscant that the air was never really fresh, that it was used, cleaned then used again. A foolish notion I agree but something that passed my mind. So I do understand your feelings about it, and while I doubt I would ever feel wholly comfortable on Tatooine, it is an honest planet. She shows you her face for good or bad and you make of it what you will. I empathise with you on your longing to see stars in the night sky.

So, Tigellinus finally got his wish and was inducted into the Canted Circle. It does not surprise me that you have neither heard of this nor seen an induction before. It is a very old, fairly secretive society based on Coruscant for the elite, wealthy and the influential. There is a very long waiting list of beings wanting to be allowed entry into it and it used to be that perhaps in a decade no more than ten or twelve new members were allowed in. Since the Ascension of the Emperor that number has increased considerably. He tends to push those whom he favours. I can only imagine that Tigellinus’ induction caused quite a stir, he was most assuredly not officially next in line.

There is not much to tell about the Order itself, it is essentially an elite club for the selected few. In the last few years it has become a bit of what you would probably call a ‘boy’s club’ and the more recent members have been human. Being a member of the Circle does allow for some privilege and a certain amount of respect. There is of course the public ceremony which you were witness to and then once that is done the members and the newly initiated go to a secret place deep in the underground levels of the Imperial palace and the real fun begins. I am never quite sure how to take these secret societies and clubs personally but since my name is on the list of those waiting to be inducted I guess I should mind my manners. Inclusion in this order is one of the highest honours a person can attain on Coruscant. For me, it is a means to an end.

I have had it on good authority that Lord Vader is quite the engineer; it does not at all surprise me to hear tell of his ability to design droids. He may not be the most diplomatic man in the universe but he is very talented when it comes to machines and flying. I suspect that this small part of him sees something in common with your love of engines and ships. It does not surprise me at all that he will, as you say on a good day, converse about such matters. I am quite sure these conversations are a source of light in his otherwise dark world. It probably does him good to have someone around who does not quake at the very sight of him and likes to banter about machinery. I, too, have had opportunities to discuss machine and ship design with him, these conversations were almost enjoyable.

A private showing of both Medeglia’s and Chassu’s works. My dear, there are very few moments when I actually wish to be back on Coruscant but this would definitely be one of them. What a wonderful opportunity you have been given, a chance to see the works of two of the galaxy’s greatest artists and in such a setting as a private gallery showing. I am quite envious and I do hope you will pick up a catalogue if there is one and regale me with all the details you possibly can. I suppose this is an event the Emperor has sponsored or something one of his many courtiers is doing to curry favour? Either way, do enjoy the evening. Both artists’ works are not displayed in exhibitions all that often. It is a rare chance you are being given, although I expect with your back ground and upbringing you already knew that and were just taking great delight in teasing me. Be warned, I tease back.

I am quite familiar with the Medeglia painting you mentioned. I happen to know that the reason it is not on display anywhere is that it is in private collection. It is an unusual piece when compared to the rest of her body of work because of its relatively small size and incredible attention to detail. What you don’t see in the reproduction images is how she managed to paint the sand in such a way that it actually seems to shimmer or that if you stare at it long enough the slight wisps of clouds you can barely see in her sunset sky almost seem to move. I had no idea where she had actually sat to paint that landscape and it is nice you can fill that gap of information in for me. Perhaps one day you can take me to the spot you think she sat at, I would very much like to see it for myself. I am personally quite fond of her larger works, especially the depictions of some of the Ice planets she visited. I smile as I write this because it appears we both seem drawn to her works which remind us of our home worlds.

I am quite curious which of Chassu’s pieces you will get to see and if his last work will be on display, Palpatine Triumphant. If you have not seen this piece I’d be really interested as to your thoughts on it, especially given the reaction you had to the disturbing piece I had in the living room the last time you were in my flat.

You never cease to amaze me. Your eloquence on the subject of loss is most profound. I suppose I should not be surprised at all but still, your words often catch me by surprise and I am often awed that one as young as you in terms of physical years lived has such a grasp on subjects that most beings can spend a life time studying and never seem to fully comprehend. Old ghosts, as you say, do indeed have a nasty way of sticking around. I expect that someday the rifts between my sister and I will eventually have to be faced and dealt with, but she almost seems to like her pain and as for myself, well I don’t care to speculate on that. Sj’iu tekari, do you think we can leave this particular topic for another time, perhaps when we are sitting together someplace that is comfortable with a decent brandy or cup of tea?

My experience with force choke happened a very long time ago and is a story I will wait until we see each other in person to tell it to you. It was my first experience with the people you call Jedi and it did not leave me with a favourable impression. I think that Lord Vader uses this power because he can and he has little to no patience for mistakes of any kind. He is unreasonable in this area and you would be wise not to bring this topic up with me as we will most certainly disagree on how the Sith Lord runs his affairs. His brutality is legendary and you have been on the wrong end of it too many times. As you say, I know how he is and I do not like it very much.

The CEDF stands for Chiss Expansionary Defence Fleet. It is the military branch that falls under the Chiss Ascendancy, which is the portion of the galaxy just inside the Unknown regions that is ruled by my people. The fleet is in charge of frontier patrols and exploratory missions in areas around the Ascendancy. It is also responsible for recording its discoveries in the Expeditionary Library on the capital world of Csilla. You would love this library, every single book is written by hand. The Defence Fleet also have the job of repelling aggressive incursions and considering long-term strategic concerns. It is well organised and well run.

I wish you the best of luck in your Bunduki trials. I have since done some research on this fighting style and I must say it is impressive. I look forward to hearing more about how you do in these trials. It does make me reconsider my previous statement about frisking you for concealed weaponry. I feel I should warn you though; it is unwise to make overt threats, teasing included, to a Chiss particularly one who has a subtle rebellious nature, so be wary about this course of action.

And on that happy little note I shall end this. Be well, my dear.

Ilath’mera’talashti’Ia
Mitth’raw’nuruodo


I grinned as I read the last few lines. I loved it when he played these word games. He had told me when we had first begun to write exclusively in Cheunh that the Chiss enjoyed word play greatly. It was an elegant, almost sport like past time and he excelled in it. I made a fresh cup of tea and sat down to answer him. I wasn’t sure this would be an easy letter to write though because I got the feeling he wasn’t going to like it much that Lord Vader had insisted I spend time with Zaarin.


Mia e’Tekari,

So much has happened that I hardly know where to start. I know that you are probably very curious about the art show but that will have to wait. Firstly, at Cati’s urging, I should probably tell you about this year’s Grand ball.

I wasn’t going to attend but that soon changed after I got cornered into going and at Lord Vader’s request was to be Grand Admiral Zaarin’s date for the evening. I can tell you I wasn’t pleased with this situation. I would have spoken of it earlier but I was hoping I could worm my way out of it right up until it was almost too late to get a dress. Lucky for me Cati can work miracles at the last minute. She said that as a man you would not like me keeping secrets of this nature from you, I don’t know that it was a secret but more like an annoyance I didn’t want to talk about. However her words made me think of something you said to me a very long time ago. ‘Trust is a delicate matter’ and I do not want to shatter ours for any reason.

It was a long night to be honest and your presence failed. Lord Vader is playing some sort of game with Zaarin, I think, and is using me as a sort of human lie detector. I didn’t find anything worth reporting except that Zaarin doesn’t like the Emperor or Lord Vader that much and that he is terribly proud of his new ship designs. He spent an hour ruining very expensive table linens showing me the new hyperdrive ideas. I must admit his plans are impressive and he is, as you once warned me, very intelligent but he’s a boor and I do not enjoy his company. I am quite sure that rumours will circulate about the fact that I was there with him and not you, especially as apparently you and I were quite the gossip news item after the Fete Week gala we attended together. Zaarin asked me out but I turned him down, you should have seen his face when I told him I didn’t think that was appropriate. To which he countered by asking if my relationship with you was appropriate. My answer of ‘What relationship?’ will no doubt confuse the issue and it does make me ask why all the competition between you Imperial men? This in turn has led me to feel just a tad like the end prize in a bantha race. He will most likely request that I go with him to other official social functions and chances are that Lord Vader will not only agree but insist. I am not sure what the deal is between Zaarin and Lord Vader but I am not happy to be in the middle of this at all. I wanted you to know so that there were no misunderstandings between us, now… onto other things.

You spoke about my eloquence on the topic of loss. I have to tell you I don’t feel eloquent. I feel, for the most part sad. Perhaps, it is partly that I don’t hide from that but rather choose to face it and let the sadness pass through me so that I can maybe one day move onward myself. Your gentle words and kindness make all these losses somehow easier to bear. Knowing I am not alone helps more than I could ever have imagined. I would be more than glad to sit with you and talk about these things over a glass of brandy instead of writing them down. I will also not bring up the topic of Lord Vader and his foul temper again, but he is someone close to me and whether you like it or not I need to talk about him and his ways. It is not that I think he is misunderstood or that I agree with his brutal methods. But he is a part of my life and important to me in ways I have no words to describe.

Thank you for the little lesson on CEDF. It was really interesting to read. I cannot imagine an entire library filled with hand written books, it must be spectacular to see. You keep hinting at the wonders of your home world and one of these days I shall be so full of curiosity that I might just take my ship and head out there for a visit. I don’t imagine that would go over well, given the xenophobic nature of the Chiss. I am also grateful for the information on this strange little ‘boy’s club’ so peculiar to Coruscant. I had no idea you were on the list for induction into the Order of the Canted Circle, how exciting. If you get in I will try to make sure I am in the front row cheering you on. I am quite sure you will look simply stunning in one of those long velvet dressing gown robe things. I could probably arrange to have you matching slippers made, Cati knows a very good shoe maker. Sorry, I’ll stop now before you really do come back and decide that payback is required. Not sure what the Chiss policy is on retribution for teasing an Admiral is but I am sure it can’t be good.

So I imagine that by now you are wondering about the private art showing. Shiv came and picked me up at seven. We drove over into Coco town where Fontey’s Gallery, as it was called, was located. The showing had been organized by the Art Friends of Palpatine, some high end, private, snobby art circle, I hope you aren’t a member of this or else I have just insulted you. But I have honestly never met a more pretentious bunch of nitwits in my entire life. My mother would have laughed herself silly at their affectations and mannerisms. Anyway, you should have been there and I really wished you were. The collection was of their self portraits. I had no idea there were so many different ways an artist could paint, draw or etch themselves. They had a lovely, complimentary catalogue so I swiped one for you and I will send it with this letter. Second of all they had amazing catering. Shiv and I nearly made ourselves sick on the canapés… I am so uncouth sometimes and a sucker for really delicious little finger foods.

There were twenty four portraits in total, even numbers from each artist and they were displayed in alternation. There were mainly painted portraits but from each artist there were also etchings and one drawing each. The etchings and drawings were very early works, and probably from their days as a student.

I have come to the conclusion that Chassu’s portraits really do scare the sand jiggers out me. He had a very strange way of seeing himself, and although none of the information I have read on them says this, I wonder if he was not trying to express all sides of his somewhat eclectic personality at once. The images were all very fractured and broken. The blurring and the almost nightmarish quality of the faces he produced made me wonder if he was constantly at war with himself. Only in his very early works does he draw the whole face without splintering it somehow. The catalogue talks about his difficult up bringing and being shunted off to live with various family members at odd times and equates that to his self image, but I don’t see that in his works at all because if that were the case all his paintings would have some element of that and I know his nudes do not. Anyway as much as I disliked his paintings they will certainly stay in my mind for a long time. Well, dislike is not the right word at all; I found them disturbing and very compelling all at the same time.

By sharp contrast Medeglia’s self portraits were almost disappointing at first, until one gets really close to the canvas and looks carefully at her work. Her use of colours is astounding and where Chassu’s faces are all painted in cold hues of blues and greys, disrupted by violent reds, hers are all warm tones and blended almost as though you are looking at her works through a frosted glass. From a distance it is as though she were trying to veil her true face but up close you see that she was actually catching details of light and shadow and it is really stunning. As though she sees herself not as a whole person of flesh and bone but rather as a being of dancing light and tries to capture this even though the light is in constant motion.

It is hard to describe and I am sorry I don’t do a good job of that for you. Perhaps, it will be easier to talk about once you have seen the catalogue. There is another one of these private exhibits being put together for sometime in the future, no exact date has been given yet and if I understand that right I will get to go. I’ll let you know more when I do.

The Emperor was there and seemed quite interested to hear what I thought about the whole thing. He is very fond of Chassu’s work himself and was intrigued by my take on the portraits. He told me he was happy to see the invitations Lord Vader gets sent being put to good use and told me there would be further opportunities for me to, how did he put it, ‘further my artistic development as well as my other talents.’ The fact that he spent so long talking with me really made people curious to say the least or downright suspicious. He’s quite well educated about art himself but he has some strange ideas about it. Do you ever discuss this topic with him?

All this talk and thought about artwork made me curious. How did you ever start to use art as a way to learn about other cultures from a strategic point of view? The Emperor talked a little about this and he seemed most impressed by your ability to do so. He said I could learn a lot from your example and I must have made a face because that’s when he ended the conversation by chuckling and muttering about besotted young ladies and their attraction to arrogant, older men. I was sorely tempted to argue this point with him but for once I shut my mouth and kept it that way. I am not besotted and you, as you have so often told me, are just extremely good at what you do.

I have no doubt that it is unwise to make overt threats to a rebellious and subtle Chiss, but the results could be interesting. I think I will stop now before I get myself into seriously big trouble I can’t back peddle out of. Now it is close to four in the morning and while I am sure that no one will actually notice what time I crawl into work in the morning, I would like to get some sleep before hand.

Mera’ta’llath’Ia,
Merlyn

I sat for a long time and stared out of the window of my flat. My mind was buzzing with everything that was happening. I had that strange itching between the shoulder blades sensation coupled with a restlessness that I could not define, as though a storm were coming.
I stared at the letters on the table and wondered how it was possible to miss someone so much. I often thought about this, and what attachment meant, what being bound to someone was. Thrawn had become an integral part of my world. I could not imagine it for one moment without his presence. Not for the first time did I wonder about my place in his. That was a puzzle I didn’t think I would ever solve, but there seemed to be many of those in my life these days.

I closed my eyes and leaned back on the couch. The images that came unwanted, unbidden were not of Thrawn but rather of my birth mother. I had been lying to myself that I did not want to know more and questions about who she had been, what her life had been like began to gnaw at me in the quiet hours of the day. I just had no idea where to begin looking for answers. All these things pushed at me giving me the sensation of spiralling upwards and out of control. Life had been simple on Tatooine, not knowing the things I now knew had also been easier but as I looked at Thrawn’s letter I realised that easier was not always better. At least there were a few complications I actually enjoyed. He was one of them. With that thought I decided it was time to get some sleep. The way things were going who knew what was coming around the corner.