The Bitter Twist of Dark 7

By late afternoon, despite taking the maximum allowed painkillers prescribed I had not been able to sleep or even settle. After a bath and a fairly frustrating attempt at washing my hair I had dressed in comfortable clothes and made a pot of white chaeya leaf tea. Neither the painkillers nor the tea were enough to relax me instead I became more and more addled. Sometime close to midday panic completely clouded my judgement. I broke down and used the holo-net to contact my uncle. I needed his help, I needed his advice. What I got was my father.

“Daddy?” I was surprised. “I was trying to reach Zte’sa Vahlek.”

“Merly? Is everything alright?” he asked. “Vahl’s off planet, when he’s unreachable he routes his calls to me. What’s wrong, pet?”

I shook my head. Suddenly I didn’t know what I wanted to say.

“Merly, what happened to your arm? Are you okay?” my father asked, suddenly worried.

“An accident, it’s nothing, I dislocated my shoulder.” I said then promptly burst into tears. I felt as though I were four years old again and had skinned my knees or something. It was ridiculous and I felt stupid. The fuzzy, blue holo image of my father made me realise how far away I was from my home. He spoke to me the way he always had when I foundered and after the crying jag had ended I told him about the break in to my flat. I didn’t tell him the truth about my shoulder.

“You’re sure it was Jyrki?” my father asked when I was done.

I nodded. “Absolutely.”

“Where are you now? Are you safe?” He asked.

“I am in protective custody.” I said, hoping he would not ask for any details.

He just nodded. “When Vahl checks in, I’ll get him to contact you.” He was angry but the light years that separated us prevented him from doing or saying anything else other than comforting me.

When the connection was severed I had another crying jag then decided I was being foolish and took the holocron from out of the wooden box. For the next four hours I sat on the bed in Thrawn’s spare room, listening to the girl who would grow up to become my birth mother talk about her daily life at the Jedi Temple. She was vibrant and chatty, smart yet vulnerable. She talked to the holocron almost as though it were her best friend. She spoke of her training and her routines at the Temple. She often spoke about her friend Rikka Nari who I knew as Rikka Blane. It was odd that I would find comfort in the words of a long dead, ten year old girl but that was what happened. Listening to my birth mother talk about her fears and troubles made me forget my own. Learning how to operate the holocron was a bit of a challenge but eventually I figured it out and could go forward or backwards easily. After watching almost three months of Akali L’uanna’s life I stopped the recordings and just sat holding the cube, lost in thought.

I sat on the bed, knees to my chest, chin resting on my knees. I thought about my birth mother’s life and how strange it must have been to grow up without a family. It made me realise how lucky I was. I wondered if the Jedi kept records on all the children and people who had lived at the Temple, if I went back if I would find out anything more about my mother, perhaps who her parents had been, my grand-parents. Then I wondered if there were records about Jyrki and that thought made me shiver, not in a good way. I lay back and tried not to follow this thought up. I didn’t want to go back into that building but the more I tried not to think about it the more that became the logical conclusion. With these thoughts in my head I eventually fell asleep holding the holocron in my hand.

A soft but persistent peeping sound broke into my sleep addled brain and woke me up. It took me a few seconds to realise it was my comm, dopey and slow, I activated it.

The image shimmered into place. “Zte’sa…?” I rubbed the sleepiness out of my eyes.

“Lei’lei, did I wake you?” My uncle asked already knowing the answer to his question.

I just nodded. “That’s okay, what time is it? Where are you?”

“It’s mid afternoon here,” he said not being specific about where ‘here’ was. “On Coruscant it’s past one in the morning. What’s on your mind, your father said you tried to reach me?”

The panic that had gripped me earlier had subsided and now I wasn’t sure what to tell him.

“What happened to your shoulder?” he asked. “Kit said you sounded panicky, what’s going on?”

I took a deep breath and then I told him everything. I told him about the Bunduki trials and about the break in. They were not connected but I didn’t want to lie to my uncle, I wasn’t sure why this was but I wasn’t about to start.

“You didn’t tell Kit about the trials did you?” my uncle said. “He would have mentioned that when he told me about your pest problem.”

“I don’t like to worry papa. It’s not related to Jyrki and it was an isolated incident.” I had downplayed the seriousness of what had happened but my uncle was not stupid and worse, he knew what the Rite of Tet’ meant. I had seen the expression that had crossed his face when I had mentioned it; even with the holographic distortion I knew he was angry.

My uncle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are the silliest girl I know.” He chided. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

I took a deep breath. “I need to go after him, Zte’sa. I can’t just sit here and let Jyrki wreck my life. But I need to know how to find him first?”

My uncle regarded me for a moment and the holo graphic image of him flickering as the signal wavered. “You don’t.”

I did not want to hear these words. “Zte’sa, if I don’t deal with this then I will be scared for the rest of my life or until he kills me first! I can’t live like this!”

The hardness in his expression was unmistakable and I knew I was not going to like what he had to say next. “Listen to me very carefully when I tell you not to even think about doing what I know you are thinking about doing. From the looks of it you are in no fit state for a showdown with a man who is obviously obsessed with stalking you. What would you do when you found him? ”

“I don’t know, shoot him?” I answered crossly. It annoyed me that he was right.

My uncle shook his head. “Lei’lei, I am not joking about this. Leave it alone.” There was a nasty warning in his voice. “When the time is right, a confrontation will happen. Don’t push it before you are ready to fight him on equal terms. Right now, it sounds as though he is playing with you, push him and he will go over the edge. He’ll just try to kill you. Right now you are not exactly ready for that confrontation, are you?”

“What do you know about it!?” I asked raising my voice.

“Far more than you will ever understand.” He said very quietly.

“What am I supposed to do, sit back and wait until the next time when he shreds me to bits instead of my clothes? Spend the rest of my time hiding, too scared to step outside? This is not how I want to live my life, I won’t do it!” I was shouting now.

“Are you safe where you are?” he changed the subject abruptly, the calm tone of his voice never changing.

I nodded. “Yes.”

“And the appropriate people know what is happening and are dealing with the situation?” he pressed.

“Imperial security knows, Intel knows, I think by now the entire blasted galaxy probably knows but it doesn’t seem to matter! He gets by the security, he has inside help! How in the name of the sarlacc do I fight him? He’s like a ghost!”

My uncle ran his hand through his hair. Wherever he was it was windy. “Listen to me and listen to me well. I want you to promise me you will not try to hunt him on your own.” He said and then waited. I said nothing. “Lei’lei, when the time is right I will help you if that’s what you want. I will track this man for you and I will deal with him myself but right now I am a thousand light years away on a job and I need to know you will not do anything stupid. So, please promise me you will sit tight and let others do their work.”

After what seemed forever I gave in. “I promise.”

He nodded, visibly relieved. “I am in the middle of something I can’t get away from right now but when I am done we can deal with this, I will help you. I give you my word. It’s bad enough he seems to be able to evade Imperial security without you inadvertently helping him!”

I was angry but he was right. I nodded. “Okay, okay! I get the point!” I wasn’t going to make him any more promises. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to track or go after Jyrki but I could still, maybe find out more about him. I had not made any promises about not going back into the Jedi Temple.

There was a sudden sound of blaster fire in the back ground and my uncle turned to look over his shoulder then back to me. “I have to go. I’ll be in touch. If you are some place safe, stay there!” he told me and then in the middle of another volley of blaster fire he disconnected the holonet.

I sat in the bed, holding the transmitter in my hand and realised I was trembling. Blaster fire? What had that been about? He had not told me where he was or what he was doing. He hadn’t looked scared just annoyed and surprised. I sat back against the head board and sighed. The sound of the door to the bedroom opening made me jump.

“I heard voices, is everything alright?” Thrawn asked. He was holding a pistol in his hand. He had been sleeping and my shouting had woken him.

“It was my uncle wanting to make sure I was okay.” I said, blinking as he switched on the light. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He didn’t answer the question and we just stared at each other for a moment. Something fragile wavered between us. He lowered the gun and nodded. I realized I didn’t know what to say, how to bridge this apparent gap and suddenly my hatred for Jyrki doubled. Not only was he destroying my physical life, my home, and my things but somehow he was somehow managing to destroy everything else I cared about as well.

“I don’t suppose you have any brandy in the house, do you?” I asked, breaking the silence.

He nodded and turned to leave. I followed him. He went to his bedroom first; re holstered the gun and pulled on his robe. Then wordlessly he went to the kitchen with me in tow. I watched as he pulled out two brandy glasses and dug out an unopened bottle of Corellian brandy. He poured a generous glass and handed it to me. He touched his glass to mine and we drank in silence.

After what seemed an eternity I said. “You must think me incredibly ungrateful.”

He leaned back against the counter, folding his arms across his chest and regarded me carefully. “No, my dear, far from it. I think you are angry and scared and that you don’t know what to do about it.” He said.

He had pretty much hit the nail on the head. As I sipped my brandy I nodded.

He continued, “I understand how you feel perhaps better than you might think, A’myshk’a. Were the situation reversed I imagine I would be lashing out as you do now, that’s what happens when one gets backed into a corner, but tell me this; would you rather be locked in an Imperial safe house under the watchful guard of security agents you do not know and who do not know or care about you? Babysitting you would be just another job and I guarantee you they would not have decent Corellian brandy in stock.”

“Well, when you put it that way…” I couldn’t help the little grin and was relieved to see the expression on his face soften. The tiny shadow of doubt receded but my anger at Jyrki remained.

“So, what was the shouting about?” he asked after another lengthy silence.

“Just my uncle reminding me that I am as stupid as I am brazen.” I said. “He made me promise not to go after Jyrki on my own. I protested.”

Thrawn raised an eyebrow. “You were considering that as an option?”

I nodded.

“Then he’s right.”

“I know that!” I said stamping my foot like a spoiled child. “That’s what makes it so annoying. I feel utterly useless, helpless. I don’t like it!”

“No, I don’t imagine you do.” He said gently.

I just gave him a look that said what would you know about this? He ignored it.

“He’s quite mad, your friend Jyrki. Perhaps when he first broke into your flat in the palace to rescue you, this wasn’t the case. He was truly concerned and thought he was doing the right thing but something tipped him over the edge. When you did not go along with his rescue attempt it pushed him in the wrong direction. You became a mission. He kidnapped you believing you would come around to his way of thinking. That turned into a battle of wills.” He sighed. “In his head he is trying to save you from what he believes is the ultimate evil. He is obsessed, violent and very clever. This is not a particularly good combination.” He paused for a second. “He knows you well enough to know what buttons to push and I think that somewhere along the line he is hoping you will try to find him, in fact I am certain he is actually counting on this fact. Setting you up, driving you in a certain direction. Your uncle is right. The best thing you can do right now, is nothing which is the hardest thing of all.”

I wondered, as we stood together in his kitchen drinking the smoothest brandy in the galaxy how it was he always knew what to say. Suddenly, I didn’t want to lose him or these quiet moments that lay between us, open and easy. He had never talked down to me. He had always been honest and for reasons I could not fathom he seemed to enjoy my company. I just looked at him and my heart just seemed to stop. Almost since the day I had started to work for the Empire this man had been in my life. He had become my friend, my shoulder to cry on or sleep on and something much, much more, something indefinable and precious. He had shared his world with me, his language, and in as much as he was able to his life and its secrets. He watched me watch him but he kept his expression unreadable. Silence hung in the air as I put the brandy glass down and went to him. Wrapped my good arm around his waist and held him tightly. I heard the clink of his glass against the stone of the counter, and didn’t fight it when he lifted my face upwards, the world paused for a moment and then he kissed me gently. He tasted of brandy and hope. His hands were warm, one on the small of my back, the other under my hair, around the back of my neck, pulling me to him closing the small black hole that had threatened to open up earlier. I would not let Jyrki destroy me; destroy my life and all that was beautiful in it. I pulled back from Thrawn’s embrace and looked him in the eyes. As much as my heart suddenly pounded in my chest, I had never been more certain of anything in my life.

“Kej a’ mai vamarae.” I told him in his native language, beautiful, succinct and to the point.

He looked at me steadily for a moment, “Are you sure?” he asked.

I smiled, my face cupped in his hands. “Absolutely.” I said. “I am not drunk on too much wine, my mind isn’t addled and time together is something we seem to have been given. I don’t want to wait any more for the perfect moment because what happens if that never comes? I don’t want to die, if that’s my fate, under Jyrki’s hand without knowing pleasure under yours.”

He nodded, his thumbs caressing my cheeks. “You are certain you wish this now, here and with me?”

I wondered why he would ask again and in such a manner. It had a strange ring of formality to it.

“Yes.” I told him. “I want this, now, here and yes, with you. There is no one else.”

He drew a deep breath, the expression on his face softening. “What about your shoulder?”

“You won’t hurt me.” I told him. “No more waiting.” I said, shaking my head. Three seconds seemed like three millennia.

He said nothing as he took me by the hand from the kitchen to his bedroom. In the soft light of the small bedside lamp I watched him as he undressed me slowly, carefully as though I were a precious piece of art until I stood before him naked, except for the shoulder brace. I felt like a small wounded avian, a little scared and a lot foolish but before I had time to contemplate any of this he had removed his own clothes giving me something else to look at, something else to think about besides my own shyness. He watched my face as I studied him. It wasn’t that I had never seen a man naked before but never one like him and certainly not like this. To my eyes he was extraordinary and I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this new situation.

He smiled, sensing my hesitation and uncertainty. “Even with that ridiculous shoulder contraption, do you know how beautiful you are?” He brushed my face with his fingertips.

Beautiful? I had never thought of myself in that way, but through his eyes that is what I was. Even wounded and scarred, he saw beyond all that and the intensity of the moment made me blush. He didn’t give me time to contemplate an answer. Under the touch of his fingers, I trembled and felt that wonderful swell of desire that seemed to bloom out of the deepest part of my being. His mouth followed where his fingers had explored, my neck, my shoulder, and my body. I know I whimpered but the sound seemed very far away. When he paused I opened my eyes, wondering what was wrong only to see him smile. He pulled me to the bed and under his guidance; I lay down, hesitant, expectant and uncertain of what to do. Looking at him as he lay beside me I wondered if maybe I had gotten in over my head. This was uncharted territory and he definitely had the tactical advantage.

He traced the vivid white scar on my thigh, the permanent reminder of our time on Myrkr. I watched as his fingers danced on my skin, creating sparks with each contact. His touch was slow, languid and teasing. I felt as though I had swallowed a power coupling which had gone into over load inside of me. I looked into his face searching for answers, or at the very least a how-to manual.

“What are you doing?” I gasped as his hands executed some very interesting manoeuvres.

“In order to know how to achieve the ultimate goal in any …first strike situation… it is of vital importance one knows exactly how best to navigate the strengths and weaknesses of one’s opponent.” He whispered.

“This is your plan of attack?” I asked, shivering under his touch. “You’re going to explore me to death?”

He gave me a wolf’s smile. “You require very careful study, my dear. Who knows what little surprises you might have in store for me?”

“You make it sound like I might explode or something.” I said.

“One can only hope….”

When I didn’t have an answer for that, he laughed.

Careful of my shoulder he shifted his weight to lie on top of me, covering me. His skin was warm on mine. Where he was gentle, I was nervous.

“I won’t break.” He said.

With my free hand I traced the contours of his muscles, the strength in his arms, the beauty of his face, the silk of his hair. Still, my fingers trembled, tentative and shy.

“Let go, A’myshk’a.” he murmured, giving me the permission I needed. His mouth explored mine, slowly, carefully. I returned his kisses shyly but passion was beginning to win over my cautiousness and my nerves. “Let go your fear and follow me.” He whispered in my ear, the warmth of his words causing goose bumps to ripple along my arms.

I let the breath I had been holding out slowly and pulled him to me. His scent was a spice-drug and desire clouded my brain. He was taking his time, careful and calculating. Allowing me to explore and map out the unknown that was his body. Touch and taste, murmur and sigh. This was not some mad hurried romp in the sand, or an angry power play borne out of lust and drink, this was an elegant waltz and I was a beginner. With his hands, his mouth, his body along with words he whispered in his native tongue he began to teach me how to move to the oldest dance in the galaxy.

Time spun in ever direction. Under Thrawn’s artful guidance I learned what it meant to be bound to another in every sense of the word. I was awkward and uncertain but he was patient and, as he had told me once before, an excellent teacher. In this dance, he owned me but somewhere deep inside of me I knew that I also owned him. He moved like water as I arched my back to meet him and gasped as our bodies collided. The power coupling which burned itself to a fury deep within me finally exploded. For a moment I thought the galaxy around me had exploded along with it, but it hadn't and slowly, in his arms I came back to myself. When reality hit coupled, cradled, and safe, I wept silently.

“Tjen’täjsei.” He whispered in my ear. Complete, he had said. I looked up at him, not understanding what he had meant. He did not explain.

He stroked damp hair from my face. “Are you in pain, did I hurt you?” he asked. Fingertips brushed at my tears.

I shook my head. How could I explain the terrible, wonderful muddle of emotions that boiled inside my body and brain? I couldn’t think straight, let alone make sense of how I felt. One of life’s greatest little mysteries had just been very eloquently explained to me. There was no going backwards. The world had just shifted around me once again and I was in a place I had never been before. This was a moment, small and rare, and I was afraid that if I blinked I would miss it.

“Then why are you crying?”

I shrugged. “I have no idea.” And the tears turned to laughter. I reached up and stroked his face, his hair, while he just smiled and shook his head.

“Women, no matter the species, are a complete and utter mystery sometimes.”

I just looked at him and then asked. “Can we do that again? It was …fun.”

This remark earned me his trademark arched eyebrow and a smirk. “Given the appropriate amount of time, that could be arranged.”

We separated and shifted to accommodate each other's body, curled one around the other. Pale blue wrapped around pale white. It was an extraordinary moment and had it been one of Bel’s romance novels maybe we would have stayed like that for a long time, staring into each other’s eyes, perhaps finding just the right words to say, sweet and caring but he just watched me silently and I was too restless at heart to lie still.

“I didn’t finish my drink.” I told him after a moment. “It would be a shame to waste such good brandy.”

He just smiled and we got up. He handed me his robe as he slipped on his pants. I vanished to the ‘fresher and when I came back he was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, glass in hand more or less where we had started from but somehow, now the world looked completely different. The silence in the kitchen was deafening and suddenly I was scared but for whole different reasons than two hours ago. I took a huge gulp of my brandy, nearly choking on it because I did not know what to do or say. He watched me carefully for a few moments and then slipped his arm around my waist and drew me to him. His kiss wasn’t timid or gentle; it was extremely possessive, quelling the irrational fears and questions that rattled through my addled head.

“Better?” he asked.

I nodded. “How do you always know what to do?”

“I am extremely good at reading the situation at hand.” He said.

“Oh.” I said taking another drink.

He just smiled.

“This complicates things doesn’t it?” I asked after a while.

He made a face. “No more than it already was, but it does change things a little.”

It was my turn to make a face.

“It is what it is, sj’iu tekari.” He said gently. “You worry about things that haven’t happened. I see that on your face. Don’t ascribe actions to me based on your past bad experiences with another. I am not that person. Let go of your ghosts.”

“So you mean you are not going to unceremoniously dump me now that you have had your wicked way with me?” I was teasing but there was a sliver of truth in what I said.

He shook his head. “Where do you get these ideas from?”

“Bel, mostly.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Well, I guess I shall have to work on changing your views on this subject.”

“Well,” I said with a shy smile. “That could be fun.”

He laughed and then after what seemed a quiet eternity, with his hand on the small of my back, led me once again into the bedroom.

“Now what?” I asked, feeling very loose end-ish and awkward. “I’m not tired.”

“Good, neither am I.” He said.

“Then why are we going back to bed?”

“The appropriate amount of time has passed.” He breathed in my ear.

“Oh….” My heart thumped and I gulped at my drink before he removed the glass from my hand.

“Hey!” I protested.

He took me back to bed, substituting my brandy with his lips. A trade I wasn’t going to dispute.

“Is your shoulder up for this?” he asked, stroking the one that wasn’t all strapped up.

“Pain management is part of the Bunduki training.” I told him.

“What else is part of this training?” he asked with a wolfish grin.

I just looked at him. “Don’t you have a galaxy to save or meetings or something?”

“In two hours actually, I have budget talks with HC and Palpatine.”

I laughed. “You hardly slept at all and you have to meet with the High Command and the Emperor? Don’t you need to get some sleep before dealing with them?”

“Chiss,” He said, “have amazing stamina.” and then he kissed me before I could find a suitable retort. The rest of our conversation was more or less wordless.