A few Days Off 8

Dim light from the city outside filtered through the gauzy white curtains of the bedroom and cast odd shadows all around. Thrawn’s flat was high enough up that there was no steady stream of traffic to disturb our sleep, especially this late into the night. This would have been great if I could have slept but instead I lay awake, half sprawled over Thrawn’s body, stroking up and down his bare chest idly with my fingertips, my head resting on that hollow of his shoulder. I should have been exhausted enough to go out like a light but instead my mind buzzed and sleep eluded me which meant he wasn’t getting any rest either.

“If you think any harder, tekari, your brain will explode.” Thrawn said, eventually breaking the silence.

“Sorry. I should be really tired but I’m not.”

“I see I need to work you harder then.” he teased.

I glanced up at him. “Why can’t we just stay like this forever?” I asked. It was a stupid thing to say and I already knew the answer but for this small pocket of time, in his arms, in his bed I felt safe and whole. I didn’t want it to end; I wanted this precious little moment in time to last an eternity.

“Well, for one thing, sooner or later one of us would have to get up to use the ‘fresher.” He replied.

I poked his chest. “You know what I mean.”

“I do. Just as I also know that you are well aware of the answer to your question.” He said gently. “But that does not mean I do not understand the sentiment.” He paused. “These quiet moments between us are pockets of serenity in a time of great turbulence. I also treasure them.”

I sighed. Marvelling, as I caressed him, at how my creamy white skin contrasted with the colour of his own. It reminded me of clouds and sky. We were so different and yet here we were together, compatible and mostly content.

“What’s on your mind, aside from the obvious?” he asked when I said nothing further.

“Demetrius Zaarin.”

He laughed. “Were I a jealous man that would probably bother me. Here you are, in my bed and you have another man on your mind.”

I pinched him and was satisfied with the yelp I received. “Not funny.” I told him.

“Yes it is.” He countered. “You over-think the strangest things.”

“Why is that strange? He tried to kill me, for no good reason. Then he tried to date me. You don’t find that a bit weird?”

He shrugged a little. “You are a beautiful, bright young woman, which is why he pursues you but when he pulled that stunt with the cake he did not really know who you were. Once he figured out your place in the grand scheme of things he decided to make a play for you. He didn’t know, I suspect, that you were already involved with someone and when he did find that out, and discovered with whom you were involved I imagine he was doubly annoyed. As I told you before, he is a man who does not like to hear the word no, especially from the mouth of a young woman he would have considered easy prey. That you chose me to consort with would only have added to his reasons to loath me and chase you. He feels I take away from him that which should be his by right of rank, although it is probably lucky for him that you do not like him very much.” He glanced at me as I made a face. He smiled. “I know just how tough and difficult you can be but he has no idea. I imagine that had he tangled with you, he would have been in for a very nasty surprise and that could have been ugly all around. While you sometimes dress like a pretty piece of palace fluff you are anything but. Even Lord Vader has commented on that.”

“Oh?” I twisted my head upwards to look him in the eyes. He was grinning.

“Yes, indeed. He has mentioned on more than one occasion your propensity for surviving difficult situations, mouthing off when you should probably stay quiet and your apparent fearlessness of his temper. I think he rather admires your boldness. It’s probably a relief to him that you do not quake in your shoes when he is nearby and I am quite certain he secretly enjoys your company, but he’d never admit that.”

There was a compliment in there somewhere but I didn’t try to find it. “Do you think that Zaarin will try to kill you again?” I asked shifting the topic back to where it had originally started.

He sighed. “That is difficult to say. I do know that by using that prototype and failing he risked a lot, most likely more than he had bargained for. I am certain that ship was not part of any official experiment and was done off the books, so to speak, so it was an expensive gamble. He has several black projects on the go and I only know that because I keep very well informed, more so than I should.” He paused. “I think that after this failure he will back off a bit to see whether or not I speak of the incident and then when nothing comes of it he will certainly rethink his strategy. I do know he has greater ambitions than just my elimination, I just do not know what they are exactly.”

“Does all this back stabbing court intrigue ever end?” I asked.

“No, as long as power is involved and people do not see beyond their own lusts for more.”

“Are the Chiss like this?”

He drew a very slow, deep breath. “I would like to say no, that we as a people are beyond such petty power struggles but that is not the case. The ruling houses are constantly vying for more power and bickering amongst themselves.” He paused thoughtfully and then continued. “I believe that my brother sacrificed himself to maintain this balance of power when he went missing, preventing one ruling family from gaining a large military advantage over another. These struggles for power will never end. There will always be those beings who desire to own more, rule more, be more and will do anything to have these things no matter what even at the cost of the lives of others.”

“But you are not like that?”

He was silent for a long moment. “Do not mistake my lack of avarice for a lack of ambition, tekari.” He said carefully. “I also desire to better my station but not at the risk of everything else, including my soul. I have no desire to rule the galaxy but I would do my utmost to be a good custodian should the opportunity ever arose.”

“But you wouldn’t just kill someone because they were simply in your way professionally, would you?”

“It is not my way, so I don’t think so.” He said thoughtfully. “But that is difficult to answer honestly.” I was quiet, digesting his words. He ran his fingers through my hair. “You do ask the tough questions, which is a good thing. As long as you keep asking these questions I have faith that you will never be tainted. ”

I raised my eyebrows in question.

He added. “You work amongst such corruption and greed yet you seem untouched by it all.”

“I’m not untouched.” I interrupted. “I’ve learned to hate and I have learned to kill.” I told him failing to keep the anger out of my voice. “And I have learned to use a power that before was just a party trick. I am not the same person I was when I first left Tatooine to come and work for Lord Vader, not by a long shot.”

“But you don’t let it eat your soul and twist you until you are bitter and hateful, Like Vader and his master.” He said.

“Do you think the Emperor knows about what Zaarin has been doing?” I asked, shifting the conversation away from me again.

Thrawn shrugged. “Who can say for sure? I am constantly surprised at what Palpatine does know and yet by the same token I am often shocked at how blind he is.” He sighed. “Half of the problems currently plaguing the Empire are a direct result of some of the laws and plans that he has laid into place. Things became worse with the implementation of the Tarkin Doctrine but this is a consequence of trying to hold on to more power. Ruling through fear is a solution which never lasts long because once people get over their fear they become angry. Angry people will fight back. Disbanding the puppet senate was not the best move for uniting an already fractured empire. Things, while they seem fine on the outside are not so fine under the surface. I wonder if the Emperor sees this. But right now he maintains his absolute leadership.”

“How does he manage to do it if it is so difficult?” I asked. “The galactic empire is enormous.”

“The mysterious power he has which you call the Force and, for the most part, through fear. Most populations will not form a resistance or rebel against the current government out of fear of military reprisal. Most of the time this works but push people too far and you end up causing rebellion which is what is happening now. Palpatine’s uncanny ability to see the way of things, the future, aids him but you have taught me that this ability is fickle, you have shown me that the Force is not always a user’s friend.” He paused while I nodded. “He is incredibly powerful but he is not as all knowing as he would have everyone else believe. He can control much with military might and fear of censure, but he does not see everything all the time. Were both he and Vader to fall, the entire Empire would most likely crumble. There is no one strong enough to hold it all together. If that happens we would see the rise of smaller war lords and then real chaos would ensue.”

“Why did he want to be Emperor?”

Thrawn shook his head. “My dear, you would have to ask him that question. I do not know what true purpose it has given him but I do know he went to great lengths to obtain this power and has gone to even greater lengths to hold and maintain it.”

I sighed. Politics were just about the most confusing thing I had even encountered. “And if the rebels were to win, if a new republic government was established?”

He thought about that for a moment. “That scenario is highly unlikely but of course, not inconceivable. A republic style government would be a tremendous amount of work and while at first, because all parties would be glad of the chance to air their points of view it might function, after a certain amount of time, when the power struggles begin it would be difficult to maintain. The reason the previous republic fell was not simply through the machinations of Palpatine but also because greed and corruption had finally rotted the government’s core to the point that the bad outweighed the good. Change was inevitable, in this case it was Palpatine who brought it about, quite cleverly I might add. The man excels in the art of manipulation but nothing lasts forever.”

I made a face. “If the Empire fell what would you do?”

My head moved with his chest as he drew a deep breath. “In truth I don’t know. I suppose that would depend on how the Empire fell and what came in its stead. What sort of tools were left over to work with, in terms of military might, weapons, warships, man power and how many people were willing to fight for the Empire after its demise.” He was quiet for a long moment. “I do not think it will come to that and it would take a catastrophic event to bring such change about but given the right tools and timing. I suspect, knowing my nature, I would fight to maintain the law and order that have so far been established.” He said. “But to be honest, this is a scenario I have not given much thought to however, it is an interesting problem to consider.”

“So leaving the navy and settling down on Hjal with the Dantassi to take over as a village elder is not your idea of retirement?” I teased.

He turned over on his side so that he could look at me. He smiled as he tenderly caressed the side of my face. “That idea is not without its appeal, my dear. If such a thing were possible, would you be at my side as you are now, wild and beautiful? Bear me lots of rambunctious and brilliant children? Teach them to be fearless and stubborn just like their mother? Would you bring me spring wine and tjani cake in the quiet of the evening and mate with me every night until the small hours of the morning?”

“Only if you paid me a very obscene amount of credits.” I retorted quickly but his words made me long for something I knew deep in my heart would never happen. That longing was painful which surprised me.

He laughed that deep rich laugh that came from the pit of his chest and moved closer to me. “Perhaps if we play our cards right, one day such a future is possible but for now I will take what I can get.” He whispered in my ear. “We are just a few hours from day break so no more talk of politics, the possible fall of this mighty empire or thinking of other men, especially those who would only do you harm. For now, you are all mine and I intend to take absolute advantage of this situation since it’s obvious you are not going to allow me any rest at all.” He told me, his velvety voice suddenly like warm honey.

“You don’t control my thoughts.” I told him with a grin. “I can think what I want!”

“Oh really?” He pulled me to him and began to prove to me that while perhaps he didn’t control my thoughts he sure as hell could manipulate them.

“Hey, no fair!” I protested, batting at his hand.

He gave me one of those smiles and purred in my ear. “All is fair in love and war, my dear. You leave me no choice but I promise my terms for your surrender will be fair and perhaps even enjoyable.”

“I can hurt you….” I warned.

He smiled as he began to kiss me, starting from my ear and working his way downwards. “I know…but I’ll take my chances.” He said. He rolled me onto my back and I decided, as he began to show off his tactical genius and familiarity with the terrain he was about to conquer yet again that in this case surrender might be every bit as good as winning.

In the morning, when we left the flat for the transport ship, it was raining, a rare occurrence on Coruscant. It did nothing to improve the look of the city or the state of my mood. The buildings were all shrouded in a gloomy mist, the rain making the landing platforms slick with puddles. It seemed to me a fitting end to a week that had been mostly unpleasant. I was not unhappy to leave this planet and it felt as though the current weather was the city’s way of telling me it was not unhappy to see me go.

I didn’t have much in the way of baggage with me, just the satchel I carried some of my most treasured possessions in and some clean clothes. I had thought about bringing more of my things that I kept at Thrawn’s flat but decided against it. I had enough stuff on board Executor as it was, while I liked being on board her I didn’t feel the need to move in completely.

The pilot of the transport shuttle showed Thrawn and me to the cockpit. The two extra nav seats had been reserved for us because the rest of the ship was full with troops on their way into rotation onboard the Executor. It felt a little odd not to be sitting in the pilot’s seat and even more odd when, while we were under way just before went into Hyperspace the co pilot told me off when I had begun to fiddle with something on the console by the chair.

“Please miss, don’t touch anything. That equipment is very delicate.” He said without hiding his annoyance. I just looked at him surprised, about to explain, somewhat crossly, that I knew exactly what I was doing when out of the corner of my eye I caught Thrawn shake his head subtly.

“Sorry.” I mumbled and glared at Thrawn who just arched an eyebrow at me, giving me an almost imperceptible grin and went back to reading the data pad he had in his hands. I sighed. This was going to be a very long and dull trip. It was a good job I was utterly exhausted. I strapped in and reclined the chair as much as possible so that I could sleep comfortably. I was looking forward to being back onboard the flag ship because it was almost the only place I knew some semblance of peace and quiet.

After what had to have been one of the most boring trips I had ever been on, I stepped off the transport shuttle behind the troops that had disembarked and was grateful to finally be off that ship. The trip had been long but thankfully, I had dozed through a good deal of it. I walked down the ramp behind Thrawn and was utterly ignored by the officers that were there to meet him which made me smile. There was nothing else for me to do except head to my quarters and settle back in.

As soon as the door shut, I dropped my bags on the floor, stripped off my clothes and headed for the shower. After the eight hour trip on the transport shuttle I felt as though I was bathed in all the grime that the universe had to offer. The hot shower felt like heaven to me. Once I felt clean and smelled more like a girl and less like a bantha I got dressed and headed to my office. I was almost certain there was a pile of work the size of the Jundland Wastes waiting for me to do. I also needed to catch up on where we were, what we were doing and where we were going. Mostly it just felt really good to be back, almost like coming home home.

Home… that word had taken on some very strange meanings for me in the last few years and on the whole I wasn’t sure what to think about it. When my droid cheerful welcomed me back with a hot cup of tea in hand I realised that I actually didn’t care about what to think about it. I sat in my chair quietly contemplating the tea I cradled in my hands, staring out of the window into the star field beyond. We were at sublight speed in normal space. The giant ship’s engines were barely a perceptible rumble but it was enough and it made me smile.