In the City that never sleeps 13

I was sitting out on the balcony when Thrawn returned. I had bathedd, scrubbing my skin so hard it had almost glowed pink, and changed into comfortable clothes. I had a Dantassi blanket wrapped around my shoulders against the cool of the night and was nursing a large brandy. My face ached dully despite the pain-killers and the bruising by my swollen lip was a pretty shade of reddish purple. I did not move as he went through his usual routine. Once he had changed out of his dress uniform, washed up and gotten something to drink he joined me. I sat in one of the balcony chairs with my feet up against the railing; he came to stand with his back against the same balustrade, facing me. For a very long time neither of us said anything we sipped our brandy in silence.

Finally he broke the stillness. “So, do you care to explain what happened this evening without being cryptic?” He asked. He was tense and I could feel his annoyance and anger underneath his calm facade. This would not be a happy conversation.

I drew a deep breath and I told him. I kept it simple and as close to just the facts as I could. He listened without interruption or comment and when I was done it was his turn to take a deep steadying breath.

“Are you certain you did not misinterpret his intentions?” Thrawn asked carefully.

“He had his hand all over my breasts, he slapped my face when I told him to piss off and he ripped my dress, so I would say that me misunderstanding his intentions is a definite no.” I retorted hotly. I wasn’t exactly happy with what had had happened but I was certain I had not instigated it nor misread the situation at hand.

“Why did you let it get that far? Why did you not simply evade him?”

“Evade him? Like how? It’s my office not his and I did ask him to leave. Things didn’t get interesting until after he’d backed me up against the wall” I said. I didn’t tell Thrawn that I had kind of let that happen in the first place. “He was the one who said he was tired of hearing me say no to him. He was the one who decided to push.”

“So you just decided to play his game instead of getting away from him or calling for help?”

I scowled at him. Call for help, I thought? Who the hell would have come running at that time of night in a deserted part of the palace. Instead I said, “That’s complicated,” which was entirely the wrong thing to say.

“Well, un-complicate it for me. I want to know why you let it get that far.” He said dryly.

“It didn’t get that far at all.” I snapped.

“He tore your dress, he touched you in an inappropriate manner and he hit you. I’d call that far enough.” His voice had gone stone cold.

I sighed. “I wanted to stop him once and for all. I wanted to make it clear I am not part of the palace stable of pretty girls free for his taking.” I sipped my brandy. “If I had not made my stance there and then he would have just tried again some other time, maybe when he would have had more of an advantage over me. He made the mistake of thinking he was stronger than me and that fear of him would keep me in line. It didn’t even occur to him that I would fight back in the way I did, much less hurt him.” I said calmly. “Besides, I thought it would be a good opportunity.”

“A what?” He asked, clearly puzzled by this. I had momentarily stunned him. “The man wanted to physically assault you and you thought this was a good thing?” He hissed through clenched teeth.

“Well, yes, sort of.”

“Care to enlighten me on this particular line of thought because your logic escapes me.”

I drew a deep breath knowing he was not going to like what I said next at all. “Lord Vader wanted me to read him.” I said. “I thought that while he was distracted with other things Zaarin might let something slip.”

I could feel Thrawn’s anger swirl about him as he tried to contain it. “And did he?” he asked coldly.

I made a face. “Sort of, I got the impression he is planning some sort of overthrow of the government. A coup, maybe. He kept hinting at how different things would be after the Emperor was gone. That the Emperor’s rule would not last forever and I should make plans for a job change. For sure, he wants to get rid of the Emperor and wants to take his place. I got the distinct impression that what ever he has planned, he is very sure it will succeed and that it will happen sooner rather than later.”

Thrawn arched an eyebrow. “I don’t suppose you managed to seduce any actual details for these particular plans out of him, did you?” he asked, his voice still cool but now it carried a nasty edge I had never heard from him before.

I stared at him for a moment. His attitude was starting to piss me off. I drained my glass in one gulp. “No, and for the record I did not plan on seducing him at all. In fact I tried to stay the hell away from him but he had other ideas!” I said crossly. “I simply took advantage of an existing situation.”

“Yes,” He nodded, “an existing situation. His attentions to you at the dedication ceremony did not escape my attention. I should have thought that alone would have made you think twice about engaging him in any sort of conversation in private.”

“Engage him… in private…?” I didn’t know how to respond so I resorted to girl logic, “You’re making it sound as though I invited him to meet me in my office for exactly that purpose!” I said hotly. “If I had known he was following me I’d have gone someplace where he could not find me! I thought it was Shiv who was at the door when he knocked so I opened it. It didn’t occur to me that it would be Zaarin.”

Thrawn ignored my statement. “He was making a play for you at the dedication ceremony. The drink he handed you this evening was full of glow spice.”

“Yes and he knew exactly what it would do to me if I actually drank it.”

There was moment’s pause while Thrawn took in my words. “He lied about his knowledge of your allergy, then.” It wasn’t a question. We both knew that it had been Zaarin who had arranged the glow-spice laced cake which had damn near killed me.

I nodded.

“So, while he knows about your allergy he does not know about your force talents for reading truth from lie then.”

That hadn’t occurred to me. “I guess not.” I said with a little shrug. “I was hoping to maybe get something out of him that I could report to Lord Vader, something concrete not just a vague sense of ill will.”

“Instead you got attacked and he knows a whole lot more about you than he did several hours ago.”

“Would you rather that I’d played the victim and let him have his way with me?” I asked snarkily.

“I would rather none of this had happened at all! I told you to stay away from him!” He said sharply, losing some of his eerie façade of calm.

“Well, you failed to tell him to stay away from me!” I shouted.

“I am beginning to wonder if you deliberately manage to get yourself into these situations just to see how angry you can make me!”

“What?” I exploded, “This is not about you!”

“You court danger the way most people eat fruit.” His eyes were hard as he glared at me.

“Oh, for Sarlacc’s sake!” I exploded. “Zaarin wasn’t a threat to me! He’s an old man with grandiose ideas and a libido to match his ego!” I got up from my chair. Now I was cross. “He’s lucky I didn’t permanently damage him, which I could have and probably should have!”

“You didn’t report this did you?” Thrawn asked completely ignoring my outburst.

I made a noise of disgust. “Just how stupid do you think I am? Do you really think anyone would believe the truth? He is one of the Empire’s highest ranking, most respected officers and while you and a couple of other people know I am a tad more than palace fluff that’s not what would come across in an investigation. I am certain that no matter what the truth was, the reality of the situation would be distorted so that he was the victim and I was the one leading him on. I don’t want that, I don’t want my life, my relationships and everything I am dragged through the muck. No one really cares about the attempted rape of a ‘palace girl’; it happens all the time and gets ignored. Imperial men seem to think they can do what ever they please. I’ve heard enough horror stories from Shiv about this that I know no matter how much in the right I am it would never be presented that way. If I have learned anything by working here it is that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. I’ll bide my time, sooner or later Zaarin will get what he deserves.”

I took the long pause that followed for agreement. “Have you spoken to anyone else what you gleaned from your little foray into the world of seductive espionage?” He asked.

I shook my head. “No. I was going to tell Lord Vader when I see him next.”

“Don’t.” He commanded.

“What? Why not?”

“Because I asked.” He said in a tone of voice that said this was anything but a request. “Because I would rather let Zaarin think you had decided to forget the whole incident and say nothing about what he did.”

“Now who is playing games?” I shot back.

“Merlyn, stop it!” He raised his voice. He was finally angry, I had pushed enough. “It’s bad enough you land yourself in hospitals when you tangle with your friend from Tatooine but you make it far worse when play the spy for Lord Vader and get mixed up in things you have no idea about. You meddle in affairs better left alone. You have absolutely no idea what is going on so stay out of it!”

“I do not set these situations up!” I shouted at him. “Why are you making this so complicated?”

“I am not the one who makes things complex, my dear.” He said icily.

I stared at him for a moment. “What is really pissing you off here? Is it the fact that I didn’t do as you asked and stay away from Zaarin, even though he was the one chasing me or the fact that he tried to take by force what I give to you freely?” If Thrawn had been even remotely inclined to violence chances are good he would have slapped me after that statement instead a deadly stillness crawled over him. I would have welcomed violence in contrast to his unreadable calm.

“Have a care with how you speak to me on this incident.” He said softly. “Under Dantassi law this would be a very serious matter.”

For a moment he had floored me then I said, “Dantassi law has nothing to do with this!”

“I am your ta’kasta’cariad.” He replied. “I am required by our Dantassi laws to protect you, to keep you from harm.” That was not the whole truth of it but I didn’t think this was the right time to ask for clarity.

“Oh, like you kept me from harm by dragging me to Myrkr?” I asked as I hiked up my skirt and pointed to the large white scar on my thigh, reminding him of the injuries I had sustained on that planet. Technically this was unfair as he had taken me to Myrkr before he had taken on his Dantassi role in my life. His jaw clenched and his body language said he had not expected me to throw that back in his face. It was entirely the wrong button to push but I couldn’t help it. “And none of this has anything to do with the current situation!” I wondered, briefly, how far I could wind him up and push him before he would explode at me. I decided I wasn’t sure I wanted to experiment with this right and bit my tongue to keep from saying anything else that might dig the hole deeper.

“It has everything to do with this situation.” He countered. “You are a chaotic menace to order and careful planning in every single way possible.”

I blinked at him for a second then let my mouth get the better of me. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I stepping on your toes? Have I stumbled on some plan or nefarious scheme I wasn’t supposed to? Do you actually know what is going on with Zaarin?”

He drew a deep breath, trying to keep his temper in check. “It’s no secret to me and a few others that Zaarin wants more power. It is also no secret that he does not appreciate the Emperor’s method of ruling. I have been studying his moves at great length for some time now and I believe I know him well enough to gain some insight into what he will do but you are making this job difficult.”

“I am making your job difficult?” I almost exploded. “How can I make your job difficult when I don’t even know what that is?” I asked. “May I remind you that Zaarin is the one who came after me! I just went to my office to get some bloody work done. I did not ask him to show up uninvited and prove how big of a man he is!” I yelled. “You make it sound as though I deliberately enticed him to come after me!”

“Did you?” He asked frostily.

I didn’t think about it I just flung my empty brandy glass at him. When he actually caught it in his hand it infuriated me to the point of being irrational.

“I’ll take that as a no.” He said calmly as he set my glass down on the floor.

“Is it so unbelievable that he would actually come after me without me doing anything to encourage him?” I asked. “Or do you, along with everyone else in this Sarlacc forsaken galaxy, think I am just a cheap palace whore?”

He jaw tightened and he drew a deep breath, “I did not think Zaarin would be so desperate to prove his manhood that he would chance coming after you like this. It would appear I underestimated his libido and the bruising his ego has taken at your hand.” He said tartly. “Never speak of yourself in that manner again. You dishonour me, you dishonour Kirja’navaar’inkjerii and most of all you dishonour yourself. This I will not have.” We stared at each other for a moment. We had never fought like this before and I didn’t know how to untangle the mess we were making.

“So what you are really saying is you underestimated me.” I stated flatly.

His answer held a nasty edge to it. “I only underestimate how well you seem to manage getting into ridiculous situations that land you in a med lab!”

I shook my head and stormed back inside the flat. He was making me cross, this conversation was making me cross and what had happened earlier on in the evening made me cross as well. It was not a very good way to end an evening. I heard him follow me in, closing the door behind him. He caught my arm and pulled me around to face him. I didn’t fight his grip but he let go of me as soon as he saw my expression. I was fed up of being man handled and some of that must have shown on my face. The air between us crackled. I folded my arms across my chest defiantly and waited for the lecture I knew was coming.

“What you did tonight was foolish. Brave on some level maybe, but truly foolish and Vader has no right to ask you to spy on Zaarin, force talents or not.” He said firmly. “Zaarin thinks that he is unobserved and free to do as he wishes. If he even suspects his plans are discovered he’ll change them and make it that much harder to deal with when the time comes. He may come off like a stupid middle aged man whose desire for a young palace girl clouds his judgement but let me tell you he is far more intelligent than you seem to give him credit for. I am assuming that he thought you would be an easy target tonight due to all the rumours that were flying around you and me. Perhaps he had a little too much port at dinner or something and once he came after you, I strongly suspect you helped him out in the desire department hoping to egg him on in a misguided attempt to lure some information from him. Now he has a real reason to hate you and he knows just how sharp your teeth are. He won’t underestimate you again. You had just better hope he doesn’t think you’ve figured out something of his plans because he will stop at nothing to make sure he eliminates any threats to his power. This includes you. While you have a place of some small importance in the Imperial court, make no mistake, you can be replaced. Aside, perhaps, from the Emperor, everyone in this galaxy is expendable.”

I knew he was mostly right but I hated to admit it so I didn’t say anything. Thrawn took my silence for stubbornness and pressed his point. With my arms folded, I gritted my teeth and glared at him. He stared back at me. Neither of us was backing down.

“Stay away from Zaarin. I am not asking you. I am telling you.” I knew this tone of voice and it was non negotiable.

Petulance made me snarky, “Fine!” I snapped.

“Then we have an understanding.” He said in a manner which told me he thought everything was settled.

“No, I don’t think we do!” I said crossly. “I don’t understand you at all!” I yelled at him. “And you sure as hell do not understand me!” My outburst puzzled him but I wasn’t about to try and explain why I was now so pissed off because I wasn’t sure I knew myself. It was probably a girl thing.

We stared at each other for a moment then I turned around and stormed away from him, into the spare bedroom and slammed the door as hard as I possibly could. I could not ever recall a time when both of us had been so angry or said so many unpleasant things to each other before and I had no idea how to undo it all. I stood with the door at my back and swallowed down my anger, letting out the breath I felt I had been holding since the evening had begun. It occurred to me that I did not have the upper hand in this situation, and by locking myself into the small bedroom I had essentially backed myself into a corner. With a snort, I went and flung myself down on the bed. I wondered if my world was crashing down around me, if I should pack my things and go back to living in the palace and never see Thrawn again but somewhere in the back of my addled brain I knew this was over reacting.

My father and I had often fought, especially after the death of my mother. The shouting matches in the house had been spectacular and usually ended with me storming off. Unlike Thrawn, my father had a temper that matched my own and I used to wonder why we didn’t cause lightening to crash inside the house when we sparked against each other, usually over something stupid I had done. At least fighting with my father had been satisfying somehow, as though airing the anger and frustration between us somehow cleansed the spirit. Fighting with Thrawn was like fighting a great wall of impenetrable silence. I did not know how to battle his calculating logic and icy calm and I had really wanted to make him mad, to get him shouting at me because that the only way I knew how to fight. Loud, emotional and with sparks flying I could deal with, unnerving quiet calm put me completely off balance.

As I lay on the bed with my arms folded crossly over my chest it occurred to me that just maybe Thrawn was not so wrong in his over all assessment of what had happened. It had probably not been the brightest move to allow things to play out as they had and now instead of Zaarin just being an annoying pest, he had become an enemy. I closed my eyes and sighed. I was suddenly very tired. It had been a long, awful evening and I just wanted it to go away. Despite my anger, curiously enough, I fell asleep almost instantly.