The Wrong Side of Right 6

Despite the fact that I had known Zaarin was up to something when news of the Emperor’s abduction and the attempted coup by the Grand Admiral hit I was still shocked into a dull sort of numbness.

En route to Coruscant, the Emperor’s shuttle had been intercepted and the Emperor had been kidnapped. Lord Vader had moved swiftly the moment the news of this reached him. It was lucky that he was already off world at the time and could deal with directly. I was just grateful that I had not been hauled off world with him. By the time news of the attempted coup reached the public’s ears Coruscant was already locked down, a curfew had already been imposed and extra security had been set in place to avoid any problems that might arise from people who might take advantage of the situation. It was a mess and the News Nets were in a frantic panic trying to get any information at all. My contact with Lord Vader since all hell had broken loose was limited. He would not be back on planet until the mess was sorted out, he said and that I should cancel all meetings and appointments until other wise notified. When I pressed him for details he had simply replied.

“That moron Zaarin thinks he can rule the galaxy! He has no idea what the Emperor is capable of and he’s not the first idiot to kidnap Palpatine either. I’ll be back when this is over in the mean time I expect you to deal with your work and continue the studies I have set for you!”

I simply nodded. He had been trying to teach me more control over my force powers and neither of us were having a lot of success over this. At wit’s end, he had requested that Master Kjestyll teach me more about the art of control through meditation as he seemed to have better luck with me on this subject than Lord Vader had. I did not think that it was a matter of control but rather more about master Kjestyll’s ability to instil calm in me not anger or fear as was usually the case with Lord Vader. No matter what the reasons, my lessons with Master Kjestyll had gone from being combat related to control related and had done nothing to ease my sense of frustration. I was not a very good student in the art of being patient and calm.

It was a dark time for everyone working at the palace. Security was on high alert and anyone not wearing their identity badges was in for a nasty shock. I was glad to work in the quiet part of the palace and I wasn’t the only one. More often than not Shiv and sometimes Ynyth would come and join me, to hang out under the guise of being on official business. We mostly sat watching the HoloNet news, amazed at the level of disinformation that was given out on the public broad-wave, comparing our own news to that from the HoloNet.

There was nothing we could do except watch the story unfold, taking bits and pieces of news from every source we could. Luckily for us, as palace workers with good clearance and a lot of friends with even better clearance the story unravelled itself pretty swiftly once the information began to flow.

The kidnapping attempt of the Emperor had not been as successful as first believed. Someone named Arden Lyn had actually been the one to capture the Emperor’s shuttle and was in the process of bringing it to Zaarin’s Flagship the Glory. I knew when Lord Vader had engaged in battle because Jorae had sent me a quick priority message telling me. In the all too frustratingly infrequent updates that followed I learned that, despite the fight which had ensued, Zaarin and most of his fleet had escaped.

Shiv and I had sat in my office glued to the in-house reports, cups of tea growing cold in our hands as we watched and waited for more news. As much as I feared the Emperor, I could not imagine a galaxy without him and along with many others whispered quiet prayers for his safe return. There was a silent sigh of relief when the official News cast finally announced that the coup had failed, that Lord Vader had recovered the Emperor’s shuttle with the Emperor still on board and that he was safe and well. When the Emperor returned to Coruscant it was a quiet affair. There was no parade and no large celebratory festivities.

I knew that all was more or less back to normal when Lord Vader summoned me to meet him in the office in his home in the middle of the night. The driver who came to pick me up was quiet and terse. I sat in the back of the speeder, wrapped in a heavy shawl. It was late, I had been asleep and I was not happy about being hauled out of bed.

The sentry on duty merely nodded to me as I passed through the great doors. I was expected. “He’s waiting for you in the small library.” He said.

I merely nodded and drew a deep breath. The small library was probably, next to my office, the most inviting room that I had seen in his home. It was situated on one of the upper floors and had a stunning view over the city. Despite the fact that he had filled the library with enough reading material to last me a life time, it was a room he rarely used and a room I was not often permitted to enter without his express permission. I knocked on the door and it opened on its own.

“Come in girl.” His voice seemed too loud in the quiet of the night.

I did as he had asked and shut the door behind me. He was standing with his back to the door, staring out over the night skyline of the city.

“Is his Excellency alright?” I asked quietly, unable to gauge his mood.

There was no sound except the rhythmic in- out of the mechanical breathing and I did not know what to do, if I should approach or stay put.

“Yes, he was never in any real danger.” Lord Vader replied.

I nodded. “What can I do for you, my lord?” I asked. It was late, I was tired and I wanted him to get to the point so that I could go back home to bed.

“Thrawn has gone after Zaarin and his fleet.” He said simply.

I drew a deep breath and let it go slowly. This was not news I wanted to hear though it was not really a surprise either. I just stared at his back wondering why had he called me all the way out to his barren home to tell me this news that he could have given me at any time, could have given me in the morning so why here? Why now?

“Well, I am certain that if anyone can catch Zaarin it will be Thrawn, my lord.” I said carefully.

“Your faith in your lover is commendable.” Lord Vader said more to himself than to me. His words lacked their usual bite but they annoyed me anyway.

“Why am I here?” I asked crossly. I was irritated. I was tired. I was cold.

He turned around to regard me carefully. “I thought you would want to know what is happening before it gets blown out of proportion by the News Net.” There was truth in the words he spoke but also a lie behind them.

“Thank you my lord.” I said, puzzled by his demeanour. I couldn’t read him tonight although I tried.

“Master Kjestyll has informed me that you are finding your currents studies with him difficult.” He replied, utterly changing the subject.

“You’ve been speaking with him recently?” I was surprised.

“He keeps me informed of your progress, or lack thereof.” He said vaguely, gesturing for me to sit on the floor. I was grateful this room was carpeted. I sat down, cross legged; my hands folded one into the other in my lap and waited.

“Why did you ask the Emperor about learning more control over your talents?” He asked.

Ah, I thought, now we get to the point. He was angry that I had talked to the Emperor about my training, about wanting more than I was getting yet Lord Vader did not seem angry to me, he seemed resigned.

I sighed as I answered him. “I don’t know. He asked a question and I answered it but it’s the truth.” I said. “I have this power but I don’t understand it. I feel as though I am missing something. I’ve read about the Jedi being able to do amazing things, how they could run faster, jump higher. I have even heard it said that they could even meditate so deeply that they could put themselves into trances which could help them heal. I didn’t think it would be prudent to talk about learning Jedi abilities with the Emperor so all I told him was I thought I needed to learn more control, which is also the truth. When it comes to the Force I feel as though I am just running around in circles and I have no idea what I am doing.”

“That would be because you don’t know what you are doing.” He shot back. I just glared at him.

The silence between us was long and hard I wasn’t certain if he was going to get angry and stalk off or turn violent, he did neither.

“Why control?” he asked staring out of the window once again.

I shrugged. “I didn’t really know what else to say. He scares me when he talks to me about what I want because it always comes with a price.” I said. It was the first time I had ever said that out loud to Lord Vader even though I was certain he already knew this.

“Of course it does. The Emperor always has a motive.” He retorted, “But that still does not answer my question.”

I sighed. “I feel I need it. Maybe if I fight Jyrki again it would help me beat him, we are so evenly matched and he knows me too well.” I said. It wasn’t exactly the truth and I wondered if for a moment he had figured that out. Lord Vader was many things but he was not stupid and after nearly four years of working with me he knew me too well.

“He knows the girl you once were, not who you have become. I have told you before you give him too much power.”

“Yes, you have but that still doesn’t change the fact I need to learn control or that it might be useful to know how to do more than just move coffee cups across a table.”

“These abilities require years and years of training. You are too old for this now.” He replied casually.

“Then why teach me at all?” I countered, my anger surfacing. I was too tired and cranky to care about whether or not I was being rude.

“I have been asking myself that question for several years now,” Came his terse reply. “But the Emperor’s will is not to be questioned.”

I sighed. “My lord, why did you call me here in the middle of the night?”

“You knew what Zaarin was planning didn’t you.” It was not a question. He did not bother to answer mine.

“I had an idea he wanted to take over the government but nothing concrete.” I told him. “The night he attacked me, he let his ambitions slip, but I didn’t know that he had planned to kidnap the Emperor. If I had I would have told someone,” I said and then I looked up at him, “I would have told you.”

He stood still and stared out of the window. “Admiral Thrawn mentioned that he thought Zaarin might try something to harm the Emperor. When I spoke of this to my Master he had simply smiled. He said everything was going according to his plan.”

I swear that in that single moment I knew a hatred of the Emperor like I had never known before. “Did he mean for this to happen? Did he know what Zaarin had planned?” I asked. “Did the Emperor plan this all along?”

Lord Vader shook his head slightly. “I have no idea but it would not be the first time he has put
such a plan in motion to serve his own needs. Zaarin was becoming a problem but to remove him would have been … difficult.” He paused for a second. “Demetrius Zaarin has powerful friends, enough of them who could make things annoyingly difficult for my Master.”

“So the Emperor set this up. He knew?” I pushed. I could not keep the bitterness or anger out of my voice.

“I believe he put certain events in motion.” Lord Vader agreed.

Suddenly I understood. A piece of puzzle fell into place. I felt my mouth go dry. “The Emperor made Thrawn a Grand Admiral but he didn’t tell anyone because he has no idea who will come out of this alive does?” I said through clenched teeth.

“No.” Lord Vader replied. The word sounded terrible to my ears. “The Emperor can see many things, predict many things but not everything and both Zaarin and Thrawn are evenly matched.”

I hissed and looked up at Darth Vader who had turned to look back at me. “I hate him.” I said very softly.

Lord Vader nodded. “I know.” Was all he replied. There was so much bitter emotion laced in those two words that I didn’t know what else to say. He knew better than anyone what games the Emperor played. Perhaps more so than anyone else in the entire galaxy, he had reason to loath Palpatine. I just brought my knees to my chest and hugged them, my chin resting on them while I looked up at Lord Vader.

“So now what?” I asked. “We just wait until someone wins?” I was furious.

“There is nothing else you can do.” He said simply. “Except your work, your training.” He added with a growl.

“If Thrawn dies….” I began.

“If Thrawn dies you will know heartache and sorrow which the Emperor will use.” Lord Vader said simply, cutting me off. “You have a strong, stubborn will which amuses my master but make no mistake you will be broken and then you will be his obedient and compliant servant.” There was a sorrow deep in his voice which he could not hide but I wasn’t sure the reason for it. “And what is more, you will be powerless to stop it from happening.”

“Why does he do these things?” I asked suddenly.

Lord Vader simply shook his head. “Because he can.” I was certain he had been asking himself this same question for as long as he could remember. “He manipulates people into doing his will all the while thinking they are doing it all on their own.”

“He did the same thing to you!” I blurted out suddenly, anger ruling over common sense.

“Of course. He wanted an apprentice who was powerful in the force so that he would have the strength to overthrow the government.”

“He did more than that to you; he twisted everything you loved into something he could use. How can you still serve him after what he did?”

The air rippled slightly. “What do you mean?”

“He toyed with you, lied to you!” I snapped. “He used how you felt for Padmé and he twisted it all around into something terrible and ugly!”

For a moment I was certain he would lash out and strike me. Usually any mention of his long dead wife brought about a sudden and violent anger. This time he held himself in check. “He did not kill her, I did.” He said bitterly.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

That caught his attention. “Explain yourself!”

I told him about what I had seen at the compound of Wayland, what his lightsaber had shown me, the terrible fight with Obi Wan, his own anger at Padmé. As I spoke I could feel the room charge with his terrible sorrow and self loathing but before he could lash out I said. “But she wasn’t dead when Obi Wan left that planet.”

Vader whirled around so suddenly I flinched back from him in reflex. “My master told me she was dead, he told me I had killed her!”

I drew a deep breath. “That maybe part of the truth but it wasn’t your force choke that killed her. She gave birth to your son afterwards, so how could she have been dead on that terrible planet?”

The galaxy seemed to hold its breath. He had never thought on this before, he had been so utterly convinced he had killed his wife that he had never questioned it. What he had thought in that moment I could never have said. He had a son and Padmé had been alive to deliver that child, she had to have been. I had seen in the lightsaber’s memories, because Obi Wan had held it in his hand while he boarded her ship to leave Mustapha, that when he had taken off she was still living. He must have put the weapon away after that because this was the only secrets of this nature it had revealed to me and I had kept them hidden, not daring to tell to Emperor what I knew of his lies.

There was a long silence and I pulled my shawl closer around my shoulders. The library was cold and not well lit, the one light that was on was mainly for my benefit. I wondered if I should get up, go home. I had no idea what it was I was actually doing here. When Lord Vader summoned me I did not refuse but usually he had work for me to do, especially when it was this late at night. This odd conversation was unusual and unnerving. He turned his back on me once again and stared out of the window. The air was heavy between us.

I wondered, then, if he also got tired of Palpatine’s manipulations and found some small solace in my company. As far as I know I was the only person in his life who did not judge him or try to play him and while I feared his anger and his temper I was not afraid of him the way most everyone else in the galaxy was. I would never ask him about these things, so I doubted I would ever know but in all the time I had known Lord Vader, I had never felt closer to him that at this moment. It was a peculiar sensation considering who he was, given all that he had done but it was not discomforting. So, I just sat and looked up at him.

“My lord?” I asked in a voice that sounded very small to my ears.

He stayed statue still and I wondered at that moment if he would kill me for the sheer audacity of speaking my mind. He hated to be reminded of the past but it was a false past, created memories built upon lies from a man who wanted to own him and manipulate him like a puppet. I tried to get a sense of his thoughts through the force but he shut me out so hard it hurt. Still there was a bond between us, something that had been created from almost the first moment I had begun working for him and that was hard to break away from. I could sense on the edge of things his terrible burning anger and hate but now there was something else, something I could not define. It felt as if some of the weight he had been carrying around since the moment he had turned to the dark side shifted and I felt his rage recede.

I realised while sitting on the floor of his awful castle that I had given him some tiny measure of reprieve as well as something new to think about. I have said it before, he was not a stupid man but sometimes he was an awfully linear thinker and he had been so focused recently on his son he had forgotten the woman who had given birth to the boy. For a long time we stayed like that, he staring out of the window lost in thought and I seated on the floor looking up at him.

It was he who eventually broke the dreadful stillness. “You mentioned the Jedi skills, deep meditation. This is what you really wish to learn is it not.” It was not a question. He knew me enough to pick through my words and find the truth of things. The tie between us was strong, I didn’t understand it but I could not fight it either. Neither, it seemed, could he.

I nodded when he turned to look at me. “Yes, I think it is important.”

Surprisingly enough to me he did not argue with me or offer up and sarcasm. “Very well, I will tell you what I know, but you will not learn this technique in one night, it takes years to perfect.”

“Thank you.” I said relieved without knowing why.

“Master Kjestyll has taught you to center, to meditate?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Then do so and listen to what I have to tell you.”

“Yes, my lord.” I said. “But before we start can I ask you a question?”

“If you must.”

“Why am I really here?”

He looked at me for a moment. “Because I wished it.” He said simply. It was the truth, although not the entire explanation. I doubted I would ever really know the whole of it but the answer satisfied me enough to leave it alone.

“Now, are you ready to learn or do you wish to return home and wait for news of Thrawn’s fate on your own?”

I had no desire to return to the flat I shared with Thrawn and wait alone, awake all night to hear if he lived or died trying hunt down the man the Emperor had deliberately set up. I sighed and nodded and with that gave myself over to the meditation techniques that I had been taught, listening to Vader’s voice as he began to instruct me on a long forgotten ancient art. I wasn’t sure why I felt a driving need to delve deeper into these Jedi techniques but something in the back of my mind told me it was important. So far that nagging voice had not steered me wrong so I wasn’t about to stop listening to it now. I drew a deep breath and began to find my center. It wasn’t as difficult as one might think, given the current circumstances.