The Bitter Twist of Dark 5

The food, when it arrived, was delicious and spicy. We ate slowly, catching each other up on the news and the details that somehow had not found their way into our letters. Thrawn spoke in his native language and I attempted. Writing in Cheunh was one thing, but speaking it aloud was quite another. More than once he ended up laughing at something funny I had not meant to say, but practice with a native speaker was priceless and there wasn’t an abundance of Chiss around so I didn’t let my embarrassment at making mistakes stop me. As was tradition, we kept the conversation at the dining table light but when we moved back into the living room, wine glasses in hand, we began to talk of more pressing, serious issues.

He asked about the Bunduki fight and I told him everything I remembered, then I told him what master Kjestyll had told me. He was quiet and thoughtful as I spoke about my fears, my suspicions about the Emperor’s interference. He reached over and stroked my cheek when I recalled, haltingly about the actual moment when I killed Riori. I told him how I felt about it all, because I knew he would ask and when I was finished he just nodded. I didn’t feel much like getting into a huge discussion about it, there wasn’t much to discuss so I asked him about his time in the Unknown Regions, changing the topic. He didn’t mind.

He refilled the glasses and took a thoughtful sip. “We are setting up small bases out there. Enlisting other worlds not wholly associated with the Galactic Empire to be a part of it. It is easier to convince these worlds, these people’s to be a part of this Empire without actually enforcing all of the bureaucratic nonsense or that ridiculous Tarkin Doctrine because it is all so far away from the Core. We provide the security and stability of the Imperial world without the restrictions that will eventually bring about this Empire’s downfall.” He said candidly. “Of course, I tell you this in confidence.” He added.

“I understand.” I told him. “And what would I say to anyone else anyway? The gossip around the court is that you get sent away in disgrace because you over step your place with the Emperor one too many times.” I said. “It’s not my place to correct these idiots.”

He nodded. “That is the idea. The less people actually know about what I am doing, the better. The xenophobia of this empire is a major handicap to its growth, so the fact that we have contact and work with many alien species would not be welcome. Plus the megalomania and interference of the Emperor himself is something that we avoid due to the distance. As long as the reports are positive and the numbers add up, Palpatine doesn’t much care what goes on so far away provided it is not a threat to his seat of power. The original idea stemmed from possible enemies that cold come from beyond the boundaries of this galaxy, Far Outsiders, my people call them but this project has grown into something else, something larger more encompassing. I must admit I am quite pleased with its progress so far.”

“How long are you staying here, then? In the Core, I mean?” I asked.

He shrugged slightly. “Difficult to say. I have business here at the moment and much to discuss and plan with the Emperor. While I have managed to accomplish a great deal in the time so far, there is still much more to be done. I have need of certain facilities and technologies which I have yet to convince the Emperor of, as well as the need for more man power and ships. All these things cost money and must be budgeted for in such a way that the rest of the High Command does not suspect what is actually going on. If the council of Grand Admirals were to find out the real truth behind my mission in the Unknown Regions it would spell disaster for the project. Their jealousies and petty grabs for power would come into play and they would see my work as an attempt to thwart the current regime or that I was trying to create my own empire and eventually over throw this one. A ridiculous notion, I no more want to rule an Empire than I wish to go nude sun bathing in the Dune Sea on your home world.”

I giggled at his last sentence; the image was just too funny. He just smiled and topped up the wine glasses with the last of the bottle.

“What is it like out there, so far away from the Core?” I asked.

He drew a deep breath. “Worlds are further apart, there is less trade and commerce and beings generally tend to keep themselves to themselves with a few exceptions. The Chiss Ascendancy is out there but, as I have explained, we are a cautious people so our space expansion is long term and progresses slowly. It is not the Chiss way to go in and conquer any one. The Csillian Government is unhappy with my work in the Unknown Regions, they view my and the Imperial presence there with great distrust. I have long since given up trying to explain my methods to them. Eventually, it is my hope they will come around to seeing my view on these things.” He sipped his wine thoughtfully. “You’d like it, I think, out there. There are some gorgeous space anomalies and some of the planets are astoundingly beautiful, very unlike anything I have seen here. We have been mapping out the region as we go; this is what takes the most time actually. That and getting to know each new species we come into contact with. I think this is the part that has the majority of the command staff under me confused. While they don’t come out and ask me directly they do question why we spend so much time collecting language and cultural data on each of the new planets we explore.”

“Well, Imperials are not exactly taught to appreciate culture, alien species or art, are they?”

“No, it is a major flaw in Imperial thinking and a huge opportunity missed, I think.” He said. “Speaking of art,” he said getting up. “I have something for you.”

I watched as he vanished down the hall into another room. He came back holding a box carefully in both hands. I set my wine glass on the table and took the box when he offered it.

“I found this on a small world called Nejron IV. Its inhabitants are quite peaceful and very intelligent; a highly advanced civilization of beings that have developed some of the most amazing technology I have seen in a long time, primarily in the areas of communications and passive defence systems. They don’t feel the need to fight because their defensive capabilities are quite astonishing. Unfortunately their technology and Imperial technology would be utterly impossible to combine. Still, they agreed to co operate with us and were very open about sharing their linguistic and cultural data. I saw this piece in one of the artisan workshops they allowed me to tour and I knew it had to be yours.”

I opened the box slowly and took out the gift, wrapped in a fine tissue paper. Carefully I unwrapped and was rendered speechless by what sat in my hands.

It was sculpture about the same size as a small melon. It looked as though it had been carved from a stone that greatly resembled the dark coloured ma’arilite I loved so much. The sculpture itself was abstract; carved into the shape of a wave or maybe a sand dune, something curved and sinuous. It was hard to say exactly what it was representing but the true amazement came from touching it. As my fingertips brushed the glass smooth surface so ripples of vibrant, dancing colour was left in their wake. It was amazing, my touch altered the colour of the sculpture, making it move, come alive.

“The stone is called Ndajat’je, and the light effects are a molecular change triggered by touch. For each species the effect is very different.” He said and brushed the stone with his own fingers. I smiled, in the wake of his touch the stone had rippled and the colours were oranges and red-golds not pale greens and blues tinged with pale yellow as they had been for me.

“Why does it do that? How does it work?” I asked.

“I do not know and the Nejri would not tell me. They enjoy their mysteries and said that keeping the magic of this art a secret maintained the beauty and the value. In this particular case I didn’t see a reason to press or argue.”

“Mysteries are good for the soul.” I smiled, stroking the stone, delighting in the dance of colour and light that this created.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

I nodded. “Very much. It’s beautiful and I don’t know what to say. You always give me the most astonishing things. Thank you.”

I set it carefully on the table and reached over to stroke his face. Wrapping my hand around the back of his neck, I pulled him to me and gave him a kiss to thank him. The wine made me bold and a sudden flare of lust made me needy. The kiss turned hungry as passion overrode any common sense I might have had.

It was awkward to kiss sitting side by side and the shoulder immobilizer made it even more difficult. Before he had a chance to do anything I moved first and straddled his lap, much more comfortable and much easier to kiss him. He tasted of Chall wine and my lips still tingled from the spiced Zabraki food. I sensed his hesitation and drew back to look at his face, to try and read what he was thinking without using the force. His hands rested on my hips and for a moment there was perfect stillness.

“I am quite certain this is not what your doctor had in mind when he prescribed rest.” He said.

“I don’t need rest.” I said bluntly, almost crossly. “I need you.” I was tired of waiting, tired of the games, tired of the long separations. I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him to me and kissed him. I didn’t want to hear any more about doctors or rest I just wanted to be with him. He ran his hands up under my shirt; they were warm against the skin of my back. Only when he touched the straps of the shoulder brace I was forced to wear did he stop, hesitate, sigh and withdraw.

“A’myshk’a…” he began but I shut him up with my fingertip on his lips.

“No.” I said. “I waited for you to come back. I waited for well over a year, with your teasing letters and hints of things to come. There is no one else in my life like you, like this and you didn’t bring me here this afternoon just to chat. I feel your desire, it is as powerful as a sandstorm, so don’t tell me to sit back down like some good little girl, because I won’t do it!”

“What do you want?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t know… exactly, I just know it involves you.”

He smiled. “For the sake of not rushing into everything all at once would you be happy if we just continued our … conversation?”

I drew a deep steadying breath. “Why do you keep me at bay? Do I not interest you?”

He sighed and made a face. “My dear, if I were disinterested you would not be in my home, sitting on my lap having this discussion. Has it never occurred to you that perhaps I wish for our first time to be if not perfect at least as close to as possible? That I want to see you whole and unhurt when I undress you and see you naked? That I want to feel only your skin beneath my fingers, my body and not this uncomfortable looking thing they have strapped to you to keep your shoulder and arm from falling apart? That I do not want hurt you or add to your current pain?” He looked at me. “There is so much more to this than just fulfilling some physical need. It is a special thing, even for a man, contrary to what you may think, and especially so for a Chiss. I want it to be something you, we remember and smile about not look back and regret because wine addled our senses and too much time apart made us impatient. Being bedded for the first time should not be a drunken, hurried affair. ”

I didn’t know how to answer that. The combination of drink and desire had made me selfish in my need. It had never occurred to me that he would be interested in more than simply coupling. My experiences in the field of men had ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous but nothing had prepared me for one who actually cared more about me rather than his own pleasure or weird ideals and self interest.

I just leaned into him, resting my head against his shoulder and sighed. He wrapped his arms around me and held on snugly. I couldn’t help but think back to the first time we had met, to the first time when I realised he was trouble. Well, he was still trouble but I had gone past caring what sort of trouble he was. I lifted my head up to look in his face, usually I had to look up because he was a lot taller than me but sitting in this manner made me equal in height and I looked directly into his eyes. My hand traced the contours of his face and he watched me carefully.

“Okay.” I said after a while. “So converse with me then, let’s see what new tactical linguistic tricks you have learned in the Unknown Regions.” And with my permission he proceeded to demonstrate just how artful a conversation without words could be.

I blame it on the wine that once we had stopped exploring every new possible way to converse with a kiss and had returned to side by side sitting on the couch, cuddled and close, talking of idle things, I fell asleep. When I woke up I was fuzzy headed and clueless about where I was. There was a pillow under my head and a soft blanket had been draped over me. I felt as though some wamprats had died in my mouth and kicked sand in my eyes in the process of their death throes. As a rule I never napped in the afternoon because when I did it always disorientated me. I got up slowly and noticed it was dark out. There was one lamp on in the living room, in the corner and soft music playing from some where down the hall. With the blanket wrapped around my shoulders I went into the kitchen and downed two glasses of water. Then I went in search of Thrawn.

There was light and music both coming from the room at the far end of the hallway, the door was slightly ajar but I knocked anyway. I wasn’t so comfortable in his home yet, that I felt I could just walk in every where.

“Come in, A’myshk’a.”

I pushed at the door and walked in part way. I looked about the large room in awe. It was a study that doubled as a library. The walls were lined with books and the large ornate desk at the far end of the room was obviously an antique. He was sitting in a well worn, comfortable looking high backed chair, in his hand was a book; his finger marked the page he had been reading. This was his favourite room.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

I nodded.

“How do you feel?”

“Like a herd of creatures died in my mouth.” I told him. “What time is it?”

“Just after two in the morning.” He answered, placing a marker in his book and getting up. “Come with me.”

I followed him back down the hall to the ‘fresher and watched as he dug out various things from a drawer in the cupboard under the sink.

“Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and what ever else you might need.” He said, he brushed past me and vanished then returned with a towel and a facecloth. “Would you like a cup of tea?” he asked as I just stared numbly at him.

I nodded and waited until he had left before I gratefully unwrapped the new toothbrush and cleaned my teeth. I felt much better after washing my face with warm water, the scent of the soap reminded me of him. There wasn’t much I could do about the rat’s nest of my hair so I just left it. I would go to Bam’s hair salon as soon as I could and get him to sort out the mess.
By the time I was feeling like a human again and had wandered back to the kitchen, Thrawn had made white chaeya leaf tea.

“I should go home.” I told him, sipping the hot drink.

“If you want to I will take you, or you could stay here till morning.”

There was a moment’s pause as his sentence sunk in then I said carefully, “I hate to break this to you but your couch is not that comfortable, you know.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Well, I do have a perfectly good bed I am willing to share.”

It was my turn to look at him. “I thought you wanted to wait before you …we... well you know?”

He smiled. “I do, but it wouldn’t be the first time you have just shared my bed.” He said.

I considered his words and my options then said. “I need something to sleep in then, I hate sleeping in my clothes.”

He nodded. “I think something can be arranged.”

I sipped my tea thoughtfully then asked. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you want me to stay?” I asked.

“Partly because if you are here, I know you are safe and not getting in to any mischief.” He was partially kidding but there was a hint of truth behind his grin.

“You can’t protect me from the galaxy.” I told him flatly.

He looked at me carefully, “No, I dare say I cannot.” He said. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “It was never my plan to become attached to anyone during my time here. I joined the Empire with one thing in mind, how best to serve and protect my people, yet here you are, in my life.” He sipped at his tea and then continued. “When I received the news of what had happened at your Bunduki trials what surprised me the most was how I suddenly felt. Fear is not an emotion I tend to experience often, so it took me by surprise. I cannot tell you when you became important to me but you are. I want you to stay because I missed you and as you put it, over a year apart is too long.”

“Why did you not say that in the first place?”

He just grinned and left the kitchen. When he came back he handed me a pair of neatly folded, brand new pyjamas. The material was soft and fine, the colour of pale moonlight. I set my cup down and took the offered night clothes. I looked at them in my hand and felt the world shift ever so slightly. Staying the whole night, sharing his bed, sharing his world was something new. This wasn’t like before when we were either on some crazy assed mission to an unknown planet or he was trying to help me recover from Jyrki inflicted trauma. He was giving me a place in his private life and I knew once I stepped onto this path there was no going back.

“I will take you home if that is what you want.” He said again, as if reading my thoughts, giving me the choice.

I looked at his face for a moment. “You know, I wondered if you had missed me at all while you were gone. I mean, I know you wrote and sent gifts and stuff but I wondered about it all the same. Most of the time we seem to be dealing with one crisis or another, we don’t often have quiet times when nothing bad is happening or we are not on the job or when I am not doing something really stupid. I thought that maybe I had imagined there was anything serious between us but I guess this answers those questions, doesn’t it.” I wasn’t sure if I should be terrified or elated. It was a very odd sensation. I felt as though I were holding my breath.

His expression softened. “It is what it is A’myshk’a, not more, not less. I would be lying if I said you were not on my mind when things were quiet and I had time to reflect but a man in my position can afford little in the way of emotional attachments. They get in the way and they complicate things…you…”

“I know. I complicate things.” I finished for him.

“Well, I enjoy some complications. They make life interesting, challenging, and worth while.”

“Glad I can help in that area then. If I challenge the Emperor’s favoured tactical genius then I must be doing something right” I said and flounced off to the bathroom to change before he could find a suitable retort.

The night clothes were miles too big for me, so I suppose typical for a girl I stuck with just wearing the top which came down to mid thigh. The material was a brushed silk and very soft. He just laughed when I came back into the kitchen and handed the pyjama pants back.

“Well, I can see I have finally found a use for the tops I never wear.” He smiled.

“You’re too tall.” I said which earned me his trademark arched eyebrow. “I would just trip and break my neck or something if I wore those.” I flapped the arm in the sleeve that was way too long at him. He caught it and rolled the sleeve up just past my wrist. He poured more tea in my cup then left the kitchen.

I drank the warmth down and welcomed the quiet sense of comfort I felt in this place. As if it were truly safe and nothing could harm me here at all. I had not realised that even in the new flat in the Palace I was not completely at ease. Somewhere deep in my subconscious I was still very afraid. That realization made me sad. When Thrawn came back he had changed, ready for bed. I could smell toothpaste and the soap he used lingering in the air. I set the half finished cup of tea back on the counter and let him take me by the hand to his bedroom which was large and airy and had its own ‘fresher attached to it. The room was sparely furnished. The bed was made from the same antique wood that his desk in the library had been made from and I wondered if they had been part of an estate collection. The bed clothes were plain white and the rest of the furniture was elegant but simple in lines and design. On the walls were three paintings. Two I didn’t know but could see why he had picked them for this room. The third, the one directly across from the bed made me stop dead.

“When you said it was in private collection, you didn’t say it was in your private collection.” I whispered pulling my hand out of his to stand close to the Isone Medeglia painting of Tatooine. The view she had painted was one I knew well and I felt a sudden pang of homesickness.

“Then I would have not seen you make that face.” He told me.

“It really is stunning.” I said softly, more to myself. I felt his fingers touch my arm and turned to see him staring at me. The expression on his face made my heart thump painfully in my chest. “If you want me to behave, stop giving me that look.” I told him.

“Well then come to bed, I’ll turn out the lights and you won’t see me look at you.”

I did as he suggested and crawled under the covers. I curled up on my right side, the only way I could sleep comfortably with the shoulder brace and waited for him to turn off the light. The room went dark and I heard him, felt him get into bed. I wondered how I would fall asleep because suddenly I was all nerves and jitter.

He slid an arm around my waist and curled his body protectively around mine. His warmth, his presence was surprisingly soothing. He began to talk to me in Cheunh, telling me how he had been able to track down and buy the Medeglia painting. His voice was a lullaby. To my surprise I drifted into sleep easily.